It’s just a period in life, you’ll get through it. You’re doing what you can. It’s definitely hard to get along with others after you’ve lived on your own for a long time. Isolation makes us hermits, whether we want it or not. And since you worked from home too, it sounds like you had very few social interactions before. I’d suggest you start small. Spend more time doing things you enjoy or meeting a friend. If you’re sensitive to loud people and environments, use headphones (or earplugs at night). Don’t be too hard on yourself and give it time to find balance in your new life.
Your outbursts are legitimate reactions to your life circumstances. Under stress, we all act differently and may explode from time to time. I suppose some sedative might help you calm down on the biochemical level, just to decrease your irritation. Unfortunately, most of them require a visit to the doctor for a prescription.
You’re dealing with a lot right now. There’re safe outlets for anger, like martial arts or any kind of port really. It helps you decrease your cortisol levels, which is the main stress hormone. I’d also talk to your sister when you feel it appropriate. Perhaps you can make other arrangements that will be more favorable, or perhaps you can think of hiring extra help, if at all possible?
I know that suppressing anger is even worse for your mental health than when you let it out. In any other situation I’d say take a break from everything, take a vacation, unplug it all. I know you can’t do it due to your elderly relative. So my next thought is therapy. Having someone to talk through your frustration and desperation helps a lot.
Well, you’re already doing the most basic things to avoid escalation. You’re walking away instead of being aggressive. And your post here is another step of acknowledging your negative feelings. So the inner work is already happening there. I suppose once your situation at home gets a bit better, you may be able to cope with your anger on your own. Of course, you can make an appointment with a therapist who will prescribe you SSRIs or mood stabilizer, but I’m not sure if it’s worth it.
Anger is a secondary emotion most of the time so take a minute and identify what’s behind it. Is it resentment on your family? Or dissatisfaction with your life situation, or your job? There may be multiple factors that are dragging you down and causing you to be constantly on edge. By accepting your emotions you can get a grip on your outbursts and seem , but your negative feelings won’t go away. Your best bet to get emotionally stable quickly is medication.
You can’t stop being angry, really. You can’t make yourself feel however you want. It’s out of your control. You can only control your reaction to these urgent feelings. Some states provide free anger management classes, if you’re out of the US, search locally. And I do recommend you consulting a neurologist, just in case.
In terms of managing your response to your rage, avoiding the triggers and isolating for a while is the best thing you can do. You may try out coworking spaces for your office hours instead of coffee shops. They’re less noisy than coffee shops and, in my opinion, they set you up for work better. I don’t know how to help with your private life.
Long term, you should try to fix things that make you angry. Meditation and exercise will help you reduce stress, but your anger root causes need to be addressed too. If you realize that it’s real life in general that makes you mad, and how unfair it is, then it’s your issue, and you should work with it. If you had no episodes of aggression in your life before, then making changes to your current arrangement will most likely influence you positively, and your anger will fade away on itself.
I relate to a lot of what you're talking about. Social anxiety and burnout get the best of me. They’ve made me an unbearable friend and partner. I went to therapy, and practically the only advice I got there was to be mindful and say “I’m angry” out loud. It didn’t help me at all. My only solution was inventing a new creative activity for myself, which is knitting, and before that I did cross stitching. It helps me focus on something other that negative thoughts in my head, and I also like to be making things instead of breaking them.
It is good you are taking care of your grandfather but make sure your needs are met first. having negative feelings like frustration or anger about your responsibilities or the person you care for is normal, It doesn't mean you are bad person or bad care giver or disgusting. caregiving is rewarding but challenging experience. it is easy to push your feelings and personal needs aside initially to give full attention to your grandfather but as time goes by it becomes too much. So as a result care giving burnout becomes very common. Everyone needs a break from time to time. When you take a break you are not shirking responsibility. Stop feeling guilty and negative about yourself like am i disgusting. Taking a break is vital to manage stress and to avoid burning out. Know your limits as well and do a reality check of your personal situation.
Just see if you can just take 2 days off and go for a vacation. Talk to your sister and tell her clearly what you are going through. then take a quiet moment and focus and be aware of your thoughts. Decide what all you can do and cannot. how do you want to allocate the time so that you also get rest. clearly chalk out a plan and then talk to your sister about this plan.
or you break big task into manageable chunks weekly. Make a to do list for each day and do this for every week in advance. Divide each task between you both so that there is clarity.
Prioritise activities that bring you happiness like reading or watching movie or going out with friend. see on those days if you can hire someone who can help you.
You feel you are much better in taking care of your grandfather so what is happened here is you have willingly assumed the responsibility on you and put a lot of pressure on you to do it all alone and all by yourself. It is time you start understanding of how to divide the work and responsibilities. Identify one responsibility and ask your sister to do it. Start with small simple task so that you can get some time out in the day.
see what works for you in the above which can reduce your stress and frustration.
First of all, I want to say that the fact you acknowledge your anger and what's causing it already gets you closer to overcoming it.
Anger, like other emotions, is not good or bad by itself, and it conveys an important message. In your case there might be signs of burning out because of having a lot on your plate and a need to take a break. However, it seems like you find it not being possible at the moment and it frustrates you.
Think if there is any way of somehow make it easier for you - for example, by hiring a professional caregiver.
If it's not an option at the moment, think about how you can take short pauses during a day and take care of yourself during this challenging period.
Find something that makes you feel better and relax, like listening to music, watching a calming video, walking, reading, and do it on your breaks during the day.
There are some strategies that also might help you cope with anger:
- Notice your "warning" signs of anger. Physical signs may include: pounding heart, breathing faster, trouble concentrating, tensing your shoulders, feeling flushed, pacing or needing to walk around, sweating, tight chest etc.
- As you notice these signs and realize that you're getting angry, just acknowledge it, without judging.
There are a few ways you can calm yourself down. If possible, take a pause and leave a situation to take a small walk or be alone for a few minutes.
Try a breathing technique. For example, take a deep inhale through your nose, counting down from five as you inhale. Then slowly exhale from your mouth, counting up to 8. Repeat it a few times until you feel calmer.
Another thing you can do is muscle relaxation which involves tensing and relaxing each of your muscle groups. You can start with tensing your toes for 5 seconds and then releasing the tension, doing the same with your legs and other parts, slowly working up your way to your head (make sure it doesn't hurt).
Remember that these relaxation techniques may be hard to do at first, but it gets much easier with practice.
- Try talking to yourself in a way that will calm you down. At the moment of anger, our thoughts often fuel this emotion. When you notice it, take a deep breath instead and say something like: "It's okay, stay calm. It's going to pass". Think of your own mantra and repeat it to yourself during these times.
It's also useful to reframe negative thoughts. We can think something like "Why are these people so loud? It's ruining my day", and it makes us even more angry. Think if there's any alternative more realistic thought that can support you, like "I'm annoyed by loud noises right now, but it's not their fault. I'll use earbuds to block the noise". If it's hard to think of anything, ask yourself what would you say to a close friend or a loved one.
- Collect objects that can help you relax and ground yourself. Something you can sense, smell, hear, feel or look at. For example: a scented candle, a squeeze ball, your favorite candies, calming music, video or a picture of nature. Have these things with you and use them when feeling angry or irritated.
- As anger gives us a lot of energy, try releasing it through physical exercises: working out, walking, dancing. Regular exercising can be good for reducing stress in general.
I hope some of the strategies will be useful. Remember that if it gets too hard to manage the emotions on your own, it's best to talk to a therapist. Together you can discover other underlying reasons for your emotional state and think of best ways to cope.