I've always been determined to succeed, starting from a young age. I excelled in school, consistently earning top grades until my undergraduate studies. Along the way, I pursued singing, participated in quizzes, and now I hit the gym daily, competing in weightlifting and powerlifting events. I also enjoy writing short stories — it's a passion of mine. While I may not be the most outgoing person, I take pride in my physical strength as a woman. Independence is a quality that defines me.
However, my mental health took a turn for the worse in 10th grade. The pressure from school and my parents became overwhelming, and I began to feel like a failure. At 16, I started struggling with severe and persistent depression, which has persisted into my 20s. I'm currently undergoing psychiatric treatment to manage my condition. I had attempted suicide twice, once by injecting sanitizer and recently overdosing on migraine meds. However, I sought help, and now I'm taking 3 meds per day. I don't want to die, although it may seem otherwise. I want a good life, but when I see I'm failing to make that life, I become suicidal. I need to stay alive until I succeed. My psychiatrist is helping me, but I still feel like I'm stuck. I also had anger issues when I didn't take meds. Now I don't have them, but as I've had them since my childhood, my mind feels empty, like something is missing. I'm pursuing a double degree in Chemistry and Education, and my life is so chaotic. I wake up at 5, go to the gym at 6 am, come back at 7:30, go to classes at 8:40 am, live in a dorm at my university, and have classes till 5:30 pm. It's too hectic. I'm currently on vacation, and my psychiatrist told me to slow down, but I'm struggling to do so. I fear for the future because I need a stable and high-income job too.
What do you think? Has anyone experienced anything similar to what I'm going through? If yes, please share your experience. If not, please offer me some advice.
