TL;DR : I have trauma but i am the only one who can support my family, my family have problem with each other, my 2 brothers is unemployed at age 35 and my parents want them to look for a job. I need suggestion about path that i choose, do i ask my 2 brother to left house to gamble if they can look for a job, if fail then it will worsen my mother health. do i stay home but it will eat up my mental health and worsen my trauma? or should i go on a journey and left everything behind?

First thing first, let me introduce my family. me male 21 yo, have 3 brothers (35 yo male, 35 yo male, 40+ yo male), my mother is 59+ yo and my father is 65+ yo. Lets start off from me, I am a final year university student pursuing IT bachelor degree. I have a job with average salary, and have 2 another side job that didn't really pay much. fortunatelly my job is online (IT job and teaching assistant). I have my own share of physical and verbal traume from elementary to high school, from being gank up and beaten up by lot of students, one school and the teachers avoid me because i am "different" and others. Of course i still got the side effect from it, like chest pain, severe anxiety, severe shaking, etc, but i have been having this side effect too long and now i am kinda can hold it off (but not too long).

for my father, he has some dark past like gambling, leaving my mother and my brothers, etc (I only heard the story from my mother and my brothers). but recently my father is kinda responsible and want to fix things up, problem is he still have some pride, and doesnt want to show that he is sorry up front by saying it but only want to do it through his action like helping around.

My mother, supposedly traumatized by my father past, she really hate him. recently my mother always starting up fight because he suspect my father do some stuff and always reminding my father about his past, of course my father denied it. I dont know who to believe honestly, but what i know from my own analyzing is both of them is right and wrong. but my mother is having bad though about my father so she always starting up fight over small problem, though my father isn't so innocent because he sometime hide stuff to buy smoke. honestly i dont know which side is right.

now for my oldest brother, he is the sole income of our family. my father is retired and having lot of debts from the past, so my brother always fill up the money problem. sadly recently my oldest brother got cancer, after 2 years fighting it, he is dead. the last year of his medication, i was helping him plus giving economy support from my recent job. To the point i need to lent some money from credit card, but its not so much (max is my 1-2 months salary) so yeah i can recover. Note that at this point i still fresh learning about my job and i must do my own thesis, and luckily my team for thesis have their own share of problem (my teammate is gone, i cant contact them). so me helping my brother can be said because i cant go on for my thesis because i cant fill my team task. after my brother died, i can contact 1 of my friend (from 2) and he agreed to help but still has its own problem. after some months gone i finally can finish my thesis and in february i will be graduating. The way to finish my thesis is really though, i must babysit my friend so he doesn't give up and left again. Okay back to my oldest brother, because he is gone now i must be the one who will be the sole income of my family. such irony tho, i just got some job and i must help my brother medication then i must support my family.

now for my 2 brothers who is twin, they are 35 yo and they are unemployed with 0 experience. At this day in my country it is impossible to look for a job, and dont start recommending me to ask them to start their own job because they have pride and dont want to do low people job. i tried to tell them but always failed because i am the youngest and i cant handle conflict too much (side effect of my trauma and past). my parents is ashamed because of this and want me to help them look for a job, and its freaking impossible because i cant order them, i only can give them some pointer and THEY DIDN'T DO IT PROPERLY, THEY ONLY DO IT SO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY ARE TRYING. There is no fking way they will get a job with their attitude, their criteria, and especially their 0 skill and experience.

My mother gotten really sick these past months, especially after my oldest brother dying. my 2 brothers not having a job been a problem to my parents because my parents is ashamed, plus the impact of my oldest brother dying. Now that i almost finished my study, i have path that i must choose. before that let me explain the relationship between my family, lets split my 2 brothers into A and B. so my mother is having a bad relationship with my father and she said herself that she cant live with my father alone. My father is having bad relationship with A because some religious stuff, A and B have problem with each other, and i have problem with B because my brother frame me of something i didnt do, at first i didnt do anything because of i dont want to cause a scene in front of my parents but after that i got the after effect of it by having bad dream about it (everyone know tho if B is framing me, they didnt help me because B is really hysterical and its easier if i back down). do note tho i dont really have good relationship with A.

Now for a path i can choose, or maybe the path that i can think right now :

1. Act as a Villain, ask both of my brother to leave or i dont support the economy. doing so will gamble if my brother left the house then they will be forced to look for a job, or if they fail then it will worsen my mother health. I can try to cover it up, but i dont know how far i can cover it up.
2. Stay home, do nothing, only interfere when conflict happenning or try to do something? i dont know. One thing i know that it will eat my personality, my mental health, i must act as a saint and let my brothers bully me so he wont become hysteric.
3. Left house, goes on journey to cure my trauma. problem is i only have limited money, i dont know if i have enough money to go on journey, cure myself up, plus supporting my family. And i dont know what happen if i left my family alone.

I know i left lot out detail in here, feel free to ask if you want and i will try to answer. Looking forward to any suggestion, Thanks!

I am always angry and get childhood flashbacks of my parents beating me, I was not smart during my childhood, not good at studies, my mother compared me with other kids, she beat me with wires, i had scars on my back, she has also burnt my one cheek with incense stick but the scar has healed 😊, she used to pinch my stomach(used to form blood clots) whenever i did unknowningly something wrong i was fearful of my complaints from school, even my teachers used to beat me hardly with sticks as my parents encouraged them, i tried my best to study, within time i became rude, intolerant and angry. Being a first child i always faced partiality, my parents used to buy ice cream and chocolates to my sister, they always said no to me as i was elder than my sister, i used to lick covers of her eaten chocolates and ice creams, my parents never gifted me something special, i used to ask them to buy clothes for me, despite having good financial condition my parents barely bought something for me, i remember my 22nd birthday when i was a student my parents didn't buy a tshirt for my birthday i used my saved money, i also worked as a delivery boy to make myself happy with money, i didnt know the feeling of love as i never experienced it, now when i get love from other people i feel very overwhelmed and i make them my universe and become attached to them 24/7 then they leave me, i am earning now and having a better life than my childhood but the anger is still there and i get frustrated with everything, i started seeing myself as a monster and i feel happy with this feeling of being bad and rude, i often think that this world is cruel and i my enemy and i shouldn't be kind to them.

hi everyone, i'm new here and i really need some advice. i'm f, 18-year-old nd i've been struggling with some stuff from my past. i don't know where else to turn, so i thought i'd try here. when i was little, my parents fought a lot. they would yell and throw things. sometimes i had to hide in my closet to feel safe. i remember feeling so scared and alone. as i got older, things got a bit better, but the memories still haunt me. i have nightmares sometimes and i get really anxious when people raise their voices. i've never really talked about this with anyone before. i guess what i'm asking is, how do you deal with childhood trauma? does it ever get better? i feel like i'm stuck. i recently had a fight with my bf and it brought it all back. is it normal to still be affected by things that happened years ago?

i have a problem at focus and always distracted

i can’t do nothing i really need some help