My OCD is crippling and, as my psychologist said, it prevents me from living a full life. It has been with me for many years, while I haven’t even realized. I thought it was just general anxiety and overthinking. I’m afraid my brain is stuck in this loop forever, since it’s been like that for too long. I’ve read that, if untreated, some mental illnesses cause real changes in parts of the brain that will never be back to normal again. When I asked my psychologist about it, she shrugged it off, and now I’m worried she either didn’t want to scare me or she doesn’t know, LOL.
She tells me to make a goal, the destination we should come to. I don’t really know. I want to feel normal again, and I hate going to therapy, but some parts of my OCD are sort of parts of me now? Like, I have “safe” numbers (3, 5, 7..) and I avoid all the others. Which makes me re-check if my door is locked three times in a row, just because only three times does the trick. Yes, it’s silly, but it doesn’t hurt anyone? I can’t honestly say it makes me unhappy.
On the other hand, I hate constant worries about things that aren’t even possible, and I dream to get rid of those! I obsess over the smallest details until I’m completely out of energy. Having intrusive thoughts about bad stuff that happened years ago is dumb and emotionally draining. I almost feel I’d be OK with even all these things, if only I could get rid of the stress and constant anxiety they cost me.
I know some people say therapy helps them a bit with OCD, but it can’t be fully cured. I also believe that certain medications help, but I’m afraid of the side effects. Is it actually possible to recover your old self? I think I just need a little reassurance or happy stories, IDK...
Hi,
Sometimes when the mere thought of going to work is dreading then you need to stop and think what is it:
You need to answer what is true to understanding what is draining you emotionally. Based on that brainstorm solutions. So say if it is not exciting then next option is think what would excite you in work now, can you think of any other organisation which can provide that.
# You also should list down what would make you happy and provide joy. Start doing that atleast once a week and see how does it feel. Take time to do that only for you
# Take a break from work every half hour and see how does it feel. Does it charge you mentally
# Think about any thoughts which are troubling you and you can talk about it to someone close or therapist. They would be able to determine if it is depresison based on how long you have been feeling this, understanding your symptoms in detail.
# Are you overburdening yourself with work at house and job. then see how you can divide work at Job talking to supervisor and at house by talking to your husband. Do not over pressurise yourself and learn to ask for help.
# Write a journal stating about how do you feel everyday what task or activities made you feel more stressed. this will help you and give an idea of how to start.
@Veena Choudhary Thank you for your response. It's making me realize a few things. You're right, my job has become pretty monotonous. I used to be excited about new projects, but now it all feels the same. I don't think I'm learning anything new anymore. I've also noticed that I'm not getting much recognition for my work. It's not that I need constant praise, but it would be nice to feel appreciated once in a while. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even notice if I stopped showing up. I'm not sure if this is a midlife crisis or depression or just a rough patch, but I'm glad I reached out. It helps to know that there are steps I can take to start feeling better. Thank you for listening and for your suggestions. I'll try to put some of them into practice and see how it goes