It’s never too late to change the course of life. Have you considered finding a good therapist? There are always deep-rooted reasons for feelings of unworthiness, either in the family or in other early contacts. There is no one recipe to cure self-doubt once and for all, it’s complex work on your inner beliefs and your mindset. Many many hours of therapy...
Affirmations can be an easy starting point, google “positive affirmations about myself”.
Why do you think that your achievements and life experience amount to nothing? What’s your occupation?
Do you have any issues with acquiring new knowledge, finishing projects? What do you think is stopping you from achieving everything you want? Is it the fear of failure, doubt in your abilities, or something else?
Check out “Taming Your Outer Child” by Susan Anderson; it’s about self-esteem, self-sabotage and a bunch of other common problems.
One step at a time, friend. Start small and build up your confidence gradually. When those negative thoughts creep in, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if they're really true, or just your mind playing tricks on you. Fight that inner voice that whispers you about unworthiness. You probably need a plan. “I want to make something of myself” does not sound like one, it’s a very general idea. Which areas of your life need improvement? If it’s career, make goals. Explore your ambitions, choose one thing. Plan on the actions that need to be done in order to achieve your goal, set a timeframe. These steps are important, cause if you lack purpose you’ll feel disoriented and you’ll keep self-sabotaging. Life is easier when there’s a system to it, you decide on the means needed to get to your goal, you go and grab them.
@Angry You’re right, I was quite vague about the “plan” but I am currently studying and working on the steps to go to nursing school. It has brought up so much self doubt. It was my career goal before everything changed, and my self worth diminished. It is also the one goal I have always thought about but never allowed myself to believe was possible. I am going to spend the day working on the plan in smaller steps and see if that helps put in perspective. Thank you
@Jacobine Grabbing a copy now thank you
@Anonymous8940 Your goal sounds very realistic, that’s good news ;) One more advice (that you probably are aware of but no harm in reminding you): apply to as many schools as you can. When it comes to getting into any kind of job or education program, it’s very often a combination of luck and numbers. The more places you apply to, the bigger your chances are to get in. Good luck!
@somebody I spent a lot of time as a child being told what a disappointment I was and how I was and would always be nothing. Sorry not trying to trauma dump, but you hear something long enough and you start to believe it…I don’t have issues acquiring knowledge, and I really enjoy learning new things. It just seems like I lose momentum before I ever let myself fail or succeed… like I would rather give up than take the risk of proving the person who instilled me with these beliefs right.
@Anonymous8940 Hello to terrible parents who destroy our self-esteem… Never mind, you’re an adult now, and the only person you can rely on and should listen to is yourself. No other way but to force yourself, I guess we can call it “self-parenting”. There’s no need to do everything all at ocne. Force yourself to see at least one task to the end, which in itself will be an accomplishment. Once you do that, you’ll become more confident in other things. It’s okay to fail, we learn from mistakes, which means no mistakes = no learning, and you said you like acquiring knowledge! Taking up some competitive sport as a hobby might help strengthen your ambitious side and motivate you to risk, succeed, and fail – to compete and to prove to yourself that you can win.
The first step to stopping self-doubt and self-sabotage is to recognize and accept your own thoughts. You're aware that your negative thoughts about your self-worth and capabilities have become major parts of your personality, and that you want to change this trajectory. That's a good start!
It's important to recognize that your thoughts about your deficiencies are just thoughts. They aren't necessarily reality. Challenge those thoughts, look at them critically, and come up with counter-evidence in response. Ask yourself: are my thoughts telling me the whole story? Or are they only presenting a small, biased version of what's really going on? What are some facts that contradict these beliefs?
Make a list of your achievements, no matter how big or small they are. Perhaps, once you moved to a different city, fulfilled a difficult task at work, learned how to cook a meal, etc. Think about the times you overcame difficulties, and what helped you with that - maybe it was your responsibility that helped you complete a project at work, or your creativity that allowed you to find an innovative solution to a problem.
List all of these achievements and qualities. While listing, try not to compare yourself with others or think that it's still not enough. Remember - it's about recognizing what you can rely on already in the present moment. Whenever you have self-sabotaging thoughts such as "I am dumb" and "This is impossible to do", take a look at this list again. Then create an alternative, more realistic statement such as "I'm capable of learning and completing difficult tasks, because I've done it in the past".
It's also important to understand that no one is perfect - we all have strengths and weaknesses. It's crucial to learn to accept different sides of yourself. Self-acceptance does not mean that we refuse to change or work on ourselves. It just means that we treat ourselves with more support and understanding. This helps us stop the constant internal struggle, which makes the process of change easier.
Try the following exercise. Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns with vertical lines. In the first column, write about 5 of your qualities that you consider to be your shortcomings. Then, in the second column, opposite each such quality, write down specific situations when it turned out to be useful. For example, if in the first column you wrote down "lack of confidence" then in the second column the situation could be: "It helped me to avoid bad consequences when I declined a potentially dangerous offer to go skydiving". If you wrote down "lack of perseverance" then perhaps once it prevented you from staying in an unfulfilling job or a relationship that was going nowhere. Re-read these situations carefully, and in the third column write one or two positive aspects of each quality. For example, lack of confidence may also help you be cautious and avoid reckless decisions, and lack of perseverance can mean that you don't waste time on things that are no longer rewarding. Do it with each quality that you listed and see if it affects how you feel about them.
Such practices won't solve the problem overnight, however they can help you gradually maintain positive self-talk which is very important for building self-confidence. Remember that making mistakes is totally fine - it is a necessary element of learning and growing. Whenever you take on something new, rely on the skills and qualities you already have, that can help you in the process. For example, you can start with mastering something that you can do already (like cooking a meal that you know how to cook in a different way). And if you're lacking a skill, remind yourself that it's okay and there's always a possibility to learn. Try approaching the process of learning with patience and curiosity and take one step at a time.
It is natural to feel discouraged when trying some new skill as you are novice and mastery takes time and effort. So to get discouraged in the beginning and telling yourself its hard and i am not capable will further demotivate you. Childhood experiences generally leaves a lasting mark which leads to feelings of worthlessness, lower self esteem, feeling of insignificance. There are few strategies you can adopt to overcome this self doubt and sabotaging behaviour.
Professional help is also required for you. As psychotherapy generally works great deal in dealing and coping with this behaviour set in because of childhood experiences.