Hi everyone, I came to this site to tell my story, maybe it will help someone. This is my experience of overcoming fears. The thing is that I was very afraid to drive a car. No, the words "very afraid" do not convey my condition at all. I was shaking behind the wheel. A lot of people run to get their license as soon as they turn 18. I didn't. My parents kept telling me, "how many accidents? You'll be safe." Or "look how the neighbor crashed the car", "here, she has a head injury, and now she's sick, and if she hadn't driven the car, she'd be in one piece". And it was imprinted in my head that "a car is scary, an accident, disability". I was also told that I was "inattentive", "it's very difficult to drive a car". And I was afraid. Every year the need to drive increased. So I decided to get my license. I asked my father to teach me how to drive, and I was told no, "It's dangerous." I asked my husband to teach me to drive a little bit at a time. To which I got a "you can't handle it...and you'll delete the car" refusal. I don't remember exactly what the "last straw" was, but I decided to study for my license "secretly". I paid for a driving school and started attending classes. I learned the theory quickly. But when the practice of driving began, I started to have fears. I remembered everything that I was told "you can't do it, it's hard"....

I was shaking while driving, I was paralyzed by fear and I really couldn’t. The instructor told me and another guy that we were the worst. Moreover, when we started training in a city where there was a lot of traffic, I was afraid of cars. Everyone. It seemed to me that they would definitely come at me. Or I'm on them. Large or expensive cars were especially scary. Because a big car is a potential death

Due to panic while driving, I did not listen to the instructor. The instructor considered himself very experienced, and his pride was greatly affected by the fact that he could not teach me. In the morning, he told me that when he saw that the first student on his schedule was me, he assessed his day as unsuccessful. I told him that he was probably a bad teacher. Angry, he told me “I will teach you, no matter what it costs me.” He explained that I needed to remove the “barrier”.

When I started driving in the car, we continued to argue about whether he was a good teacher. During the argument, I became angry, and it no longer mattered to me whether I was afraid or not. I was all in this argument. At some point, the instructor said admiringly, “look how well you rode,” when you’re angry, you forget about fear. I myself was surprised that this was so. Yes, he was right, I drove and was not afraid, I went through all the turns. At this point, I got a call from work asking me to come over right away. I hurried off and asked my driving instructor to drive me. And he said no. I got angry, so I drove myself. I was only thinking that I had to get there as soon as possible, there was no fear, because my mind was dominated by "hurry to work". At the intersection, I looked at the instructor and saw that he was happy. "You are driving very well! You see, when you really have to go somewhere, you are not afraid", he said. He was smiling and satisfied. I can say that breaking my fear barrier was helped by my anger. When I was angry, there was no fear. But that doesn't mean I didn't work on the residual slight fear of driving later on. But I'll write about that another time)

lately I've been looking for dangerous situations that could lead to my death. I don't know why. The longing to "go there" and the feeling of someone in my house is driving me crazy. Maybe it's the father who died. I never stay home alone anymore. when there are relatives at home, there's no ghost. I can't be at home and I try to work all the time. I have had the maximum number of shifts at the bar where I work. At home I just sleep off the fatigue and don't feel the ghost. This pace of work exhausts me. There is a pull to "get there". Psychiatrists only find me depressed. And I realize I'm not afraid of a fast ride and I want to jump down.....

In 5 hours I’m about to go get on the flight to see my distant family, and I’m already nervous and sleepless. It’s always been like that, and previously my working solution was to drink vodka right before the flight. It did instant magic to my stress and, since all alcohol sedates me, I peacefully slept through 90% of my flights. But this year I can’t. Neurologist forbid me to drink any alcohol while I’m taking high doses of SSRIs.

I know that flying is safe, safer than driving a car. Logically, I know it all, but the thought of being in the air still makes me hate travelling. I’m particularly afraid of the takes offs and landings that are supposed to be most dangerous. Anyone having similar problems and ready to share your coping mechanisms?

This fear is not only irrational, it seriously degrades my quality of life, and I’m not sure if I should finally consult someone about it?

My classmate died in a car crash. Her brother was driving, he survived, but she didn’t. It was during my last year at school, and I think it affected me much more than the common statistics on road accidents. It was someone I knew personally, not a stranger from the news.

I’m also afraid of flying, but that fear ruins my life no more than once or twice a year... With cars I have to make a choice daily, and I always choose public transport. I have no driving license because the very idea of me controlling the car gives me panic attacks. With my levels of anxiety I’ll be a terrible driver. When I’m in my parents’ car or in a taxi, I always choose the seat behind the driver and spend the first five minutes steeling myself, mentally repeating that there’s no danger and we’ll arrive safely.

It’s very embarrassing, and I don’t want to avoid the comfort of my own car all my life!