This fear is not only irrational, it seriously degrades my quality of life, and I’m not sure if I should finally consult someone about it?

My classmate died in a car crash. Her brother was driving, he survived, but she didn’t. It was during my last year at school, and I think it affected me much more than the common statistics on road accidents. It was someone I knew personally, not a stranger from the news.

I’m also afraid of flying, but that fear ruins my life no more than once or twice a year... With cars I have to make a choice daily, and I always choose public transport. I have no driving license because the very idea of me controlling the car gives me panic attacks. With my levels of anxiety I’ll be a terrible driver. When I’m in my parents’ car or in a taxi, I always choose the seat behind the driver and spend the first five minutes steeling myself, mentally repeating that there’s no danger and we’ll arrive safely.

It’s very embarrassing, and I don’t want to avoid the comfort of my own car all my life!

I'm in desperate need for help and some advice. I soon will face one of my biggest fears: public speaking. I've always struggled with it. It was the worst parts of school. Now it's become a huge obstacle that I NEED to overcome at work.

I've been assigned to present a major project that my entire team of about 30 talented people have worked tirelessly on. The responsibility is huge, because I was the lead on this project, and now everything depends on me. I’m really and I mean REALLY proud of what we have achieved and I’m so frightened. If what we accomplished wasn't so wonderful, maybe I'd be less worried.

We've spent countless hours on this project, pouring our heart and soul into it. It's our baby, and I'm the one who needs to introduce it to the world.

The thought of standing in front of everyone, not just my colleagues, but also senior management. What if I'll freeze, forget everything I've rehearsed and let my team down? It's worth mentioning that as soon as I think about performing I already get dizzy, sweaty palms and a lump in my throat. What will happen to me at the performance?

I want to do my team good. I want to present our project in the best light possible but this fear of public speaking is becoming a real roadblock.

My OCD is crippling and, as my psychologist said, it prevents me from living a full life. It has been with me for many years, while I haven’t even realized. I thought it was just general anxiety and overthinking. I’m afraid my brain is stuck in this loop forever, since it’s been like that for too long. I’ve read that, if untreated, some mental illnesses cause real changes in parts of the brain that will never be back to normal again. When I asked my psychologist about it, she shrugged it off, and now I’m worried she either didn’t want to scare me or she doesn’t know, LOL.

She tells me to make a goal, the destination we should come to. I don’t really know. I want to feel normal again, and I hate going to therapy, but some parts of my OCD are sort of parts of me now? Like, I have “safe” numbers (3, 5, 7..) and I avoid all the others. Which makes me re-check if my door is locked three times in a row, just because only three times does the trick. Yes, it’s silly, but it doesn’t hurt anyone? I can’t honestly say it makes me unhappy.

On the other hand, I hate constant worries about things that aren’t even possible, and I dream to get rid of those! I obsess over the smallest details until I’m completely out of energy. Having intrusive thoughts about bad stuff that happened years ago is dumb and emotionally draining. I almost feel I’d be OK with even all these things, if only I could get rid of the stress and constant anxiety they cost me.

I know some people say therapy helps them a bit with OCD, but it can’t be fully cured. I also believe that certain medications help, but I’m afraid of the side effects. Is it actually possible to recover your old self? I think I just need a little reassurance or happy stories, IDK...

I’m extremely ashamed to talk about this... but I need to do it... need to make a decision. I’m in therapy for my lifelong anxiety and PTSD (from a surgery). I think it helps me, my therapist is OK. By accident, I finally opened up to her about my teenage trauma. I was sexually abused by my stepbrother at the age of twelve. I never wanted to share this, it was not my intention to discuss my past. It happened despite all my efforts to leave it as bad memories…It all came flooding back the shame, the guilt... Now my therapist suggests that we start EMDR, I need to say yes or no. I’ve been avoiding her for two weeks cause I can’t get rid of these awful thoughts that this trauma might not have been a big deal… As if I don’t really want to be healed from it? I’m afraid I somehow feel that it makes me special, in a twisted horrible way… It sets me apart from others, makes me different. The very thought fills me with a sense of shame. I’m sure if I told this to my therapist she would add some more diagnoses to my list. I feel like I don’t even deserve therapy with such thoughts. It goes against everything I know to be true about myself and contradicts my core beliefs and values. I feel unworthy, unworthy of healing, unworthy of love.

And the smallest part of me is also afraid that if I agree to delve into it, I’ll be able to see my stepbrother… I’ve been pretending he doesn’t exist for two decades. No one in my family knows about what he did to me. He told me it would stay “our little secret”… All our relatives believe we just quarrelled over something stupid, they used to try to reconcile us but gave up eventually… My mind is so so sick, I’m thinking now that perhaps I wanted this to happen to me, like I allowed it intentionally? Cause at the age of twelve I definitely wanted to be a grownup, and I was interested in boys... Is it even normal to have such ideas, or am I out of my mind? I don't want to hold on to my trauma as some pervert. What am I to do? I’m abhorrent and disgusting...