Can someone just tell me if I’m overreacting???
I’ve been married to my husband for a year. We’ve known each other for about three years. He has this female friend, I’ll call her Mary, whom he has known since his teens. They’ve spent a lot of time smoking weed and making music together; he calls her “his bro” and likes to go to concerts with her and her brother (who was also part of their former teen band). When we started dating, I knew of their friendship because we met through her brother. She looked like a tomboy when she was younger, I’ve seen lots of her photos. But she has changed since then, she’s a woman now, and she’s single most of the time (she had some partners, but nothing lasted for too long, unfortunately).
At first, I tried to be patient about it. After all, I have friends too, and I can’t expect my husband to spend time only with me. But my patience grew thinner as time went on. They have this bond that seems unbreakable. I swear, my intuition tells me Mary has feelings for my husband. The way she acts around him is just not right. She's always touching his arm, leaning in too close when they talk, laughing a little too much at his jokes. And don't even get me started on the way she dresses when they go to concerts together. It's like she's trying to show off for him, to get his attention in a way that makes me sick to my stomach. My husband also hangs out with her family quite a bit, so much so that I’m beginning to think they want their daughter to be with him too (or maybe they hoped so in the past??) Anyway, I did not grow up with them to see their dynamics, but I find Mary’s behavior inappropriate. For example, last weekend we were at an after-party drinking beer and having fun with a couple of my friends, and Mary turned out to be there too. She said “hi” to me and then practically jumped into my husband’s arms, as if they hadn't seen each other for years… which made my friends raise their eyebrows, and when Mary proceeded to drag him to the dance floor exclaiming it was THEIR favorite song, one of my friends came up to me and asked what was going on. She later came up to me and asked multiple times if I was ok with it. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of my friends, so I shrugged it off, but I talked about it with my husband when we were back home. And he acted as if I were a jealous wife, petted me on the back, and such… said I was unreasonable and that if not for Mary’s brother we wouldn’t have met, so I was definitely imagining Mary’s love for him… he was a bit drunk, still I felt very stupid. So the next time she came to our house to chill with us, I took her aside and politely told her that though she was my husband’s friend, she was not his best friend, because I was his wife and his best friend now, that he chose to share his life with me. She said nothing and acted very coldly all that evening, ignoring me etc, but she told my husband about our small girl talk, probably exaggerated things a lot, and my husband now says I overreacted and that I’m complicating things…
Please, someone, anyone, tell me what I should do?? Am I just being paranoid and insecure? Should I believe that Mary’s feelings for my husband are purely platonic? Or should I confront him about my concerns and risk causing a rift in our marriage?
I thought that this is completely normal in the freelance-world. I've been doing this for 6 years, and I can tell you with certainty that dry spells happen to everyone. It's not a sign that you shouldn't be a writer, you need to diversify your client base. Start reaching out to other publications, build a portfolio website if you haven't already, network like crazy. Use this downtime to improve your skills and market yourself. Remember, freelancing is as much about business acumen as it is about writing talent. Toughen up, you're in for a rough ride in this industry, but if you persist, it can be incredibly rewarding
@tiffanys.12 I'm a freelance graphic designer and I totally get what you're saying. It took me a solid year to adjust to the constant "on" mode of freelancing, even during weekends or slow periods. The hustle is real!
I remember when I first started, I'd panic during quiet weeks, thinking my career was over. Now I know it's just part of the gig. I've learned to use those downtimes to update my portfolio, reach out to potential clients, brush up on new design trends
It's funny how freelancing isn't just about the actual work, but also about becoming your own mini-marketing agency. Some weeks I'm drowning in projects, others I'm wondering if I should start a dog-walking side hustle. But you're right, persistence is key. I've had moments where I considered going back to a 9-to-5, but then a great project comes along and reminds me why I love this lifestyle
@tiffanys.12 Don't even get me started on client education! It's like being a designer, project manager, and teacher all rolled into one. I've had clients who think logo design is just picking a nice font and calling it a day
The number of times I've had to explain the importance of concept development, color psychology, and scalability is... well, let's just say I could write a book.
I once had potential clients gasp at my rates and say, "But my nephew could do it for $50!" I've learned to stand firm and explain the value of professional work. It's not just about the final product, but the years of experience, industry knowledge, and problem-solving skills we bring to the table
@Saturn The rollercoaster of freelancing is universal, isn't it? I think one of the biggest challenges for newbies is learning to ride those waves without losing your mind. It's all about building resilience and a diverse client base. I'm curious, as a graphic designer, do you find yourself having to educate clients more about your process? In writing, I often have to explain why multiple revisions or rushed deadlines can impact quality. I imagine in design, there might be even more misconceptions to navigate
@Saturn The "my nephew could do it" line is the design equivalent of "can't you just whip up 1000 words real quick?" People often underestimate the time and skill involved in our craft. But mostly it's all good. I believe that there are more good people than there are bad ones. We just put a lot of our attention towards our negative experiences
let's take a deep breath together. inhale... exhale. now, let's reframe this situation. a slow week isn't a dead end, it's a detour filled with possibilities. this is your chance to explore the vast landscpe of your creativity without the pressure of deadlines. have you ever wanted to try your hand at poetry? or perhaps dive into the world of short stories? maybe even start that novel you've been dreaming about? this is your moment! creativity thrives on diverse experiences
why not use this time to go on a nature walk and describe what you see in vivid detail? or people-watch at a local cafe and create backstories for the patrons? these exercises can sharpen your observational skills and inject fresh energy into your writing
also, consider this a prime opportunity for self-reflection. what aspects of writing bring you the most joy? what areas do you feel you could improve? perhaps you could create a vision board for your writing career or journal about your ideal writing life. this can help clarify your goals and reignite your passion
don't stop writing, and most importantly, don't stop believing believing in yourself!
You're not a failure! Don't ever say that. Words have power, especially the ones we tell ourselves.
@Unknown That's so true! Our words really can make things happen. I've seen it in my own life. When I tell myself good things, I feel better. We gotta be careful what we say to and about ourselves. I try to say nice things to myself every day. It's not always easy, but it helps. Even when things are tough, I try to find something good to say. It's like training your brain to be happy. We should all try to be kinder to ourselves. It's amazing how much it can change things
I'm not a freelancer, but I can relate to those feelings of insecurity so much. They're always there, eating away at me. I work a regular job, but my insecurities are ruining my life too. In meetings, I'm terrified to speak up. I sit there, heart racing, thinking my ideas are stupid and not worth sharing. And when I do make a mistake? Oh boy, it feels like the world is ending. I beat myself up for days over the tiniest things.
I've actually thought about going freelance, but I'm scared it wouldn't fit me. I'm curious about your experience though. Is it better than working a regular job? I mean, I guess there's good and bad to both, right?
I hope things pick up for you soon with your writing assignments. It's probably just a slow week like they said, but I totally get why it's making you doubt yourself. Our brains are so good at jumping to the worst conclusions.
@aguilartyler.24 Oh man, I feel you so much on this. Being a freelancer is damn hard, let me tell you. I've been doing it for a few months now, and I swear, I have thoughts 24/7 about going back to a 9-5 job, lmao. The uncertainty is killer
I totally get what you mean about the insecurity in meetings. For me, it's like that with client calls. I'm always second-guessing myself, thinking I sound stupid or unprofessional. And mistakes? Don't even get me started. I once sent a draft to a client with a typo in the first sentence, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die
As for whether it's better than a regular job, honestly, it's a mixed bag. There's freedom, sure, but also so much stress
@aguilartyler.24 Hey, thanks for asking! Yeah, dealing with uncertainty is probably the hardest part of freelancing. I try to keep a bit of savings, but it's not always easy. I have good days and bad days. Some days I'll treat myself to a nice coffee or work from a cool café just to shake things up. Other days, I just have to force myself to sit down and get stuff done, even if I'm not feeling it
About the typo thing you're so right. Clients usually don't care nearly as much as we think they do. Most of the time, they're super understanding. It's just our own perfectionism that makes it feel like the end of the world. I'm trying to be kinder to myself, but it's a work in progress
I actually fell into freelancing by accident. I lost my job during a company restructure and picked up a few freelance gigs to make ends meet. Before I knew it, I had a full client list and decided to stick with it. It's been a wild ride, that's for sure
How about you? What's holding you back from trying freelancing? Is it just the fear, or are there other factors? It's totally valid to be scared. I still get scared!
@aguilartyler.24 The steady paycheck thing is huge. There are months when I make way more than I did at my old job, and then there are months where I'm eating ramen and wondering if I made a huge mistake
Finding clients was super scary at first. I started on some freelancing websites, which was okay to get my foot in the door. Now I get a lot through word of mouth. But yeah, the competition can be intense. I still feel like I'm faking it
Have you thought about maybe trying some freelance work on the side while keeping your day job? That way you could dip your toes in without diving in headfirst
@OneLife Wow, thanks for sharing that. It's kinda comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way, even though it sucks that we both struggle with this stuff
That freedom you mentioned about freelancing sounds nice, but I can totally see how it comes with its own set of problems. Like, how do you deal with the uncertainty? Do you have any tricks for staying motivated when things are slow? I feel like I'd be a mess trying to manage everything on my own.
And oh man, that typo story. I'd probably have the same reaction. It's wild how we can fixate on these tiny mistakes and blow them way out of proportion. Do your clients usually care as much as we think they do?
I'm curious, what made you choose freelancing in the first place? Was it a deliberate decision, or did you kind of fall into it? Sometimes I daydream about quitting my job and going freelance, but then the fear kicks in and I chicken out.
@OneLife That takes guts, seriously. I admire that you stuck with it even when it got tough. A mix of things are holding me back. The fear is a big part of it, for sure. I worry about not being able to find clients, or not being good enough to compete with other freelancers. Plus, the idea of not having a steady paycheck freaks me out. I've got rent and bills to pay. There's also this weird comfort in having a regular job, even though I don't always like it. At least here I know what to expect, even if it's not great. With freelancing, it feels like everything would be up in the air.
virtual hug i know exactly how you feel. we've all been there, trust me. it's totally normal to feel insecure sometimes, especially in a creative field like writing. one slow week doesn't define you or your career. it's just a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things. think of it as a little breather, a chance to recharge your creative batteries. your worth isn't determined by how much you produce in a week.
@Delores Porter You're right. I've been in this freelancing game for over a decade now, and let me tell you, slow weeks are just part of the gig. It's not a reflection of your skills or worth as a writer. The publishing industry can be unpredictable. One slow week won't define your career. Pitch some ideas to other publications, work on your personal writing projects. Trust me, busy periods will come again, and you'll be wishing for a breather!
Oh no, don't let it get to you! You're not a failure, you're just experiencing the normal ups and downs of life. Shake it off and keep moving forward. What's your favorite part about writing for a wellness magazine?
I understand your worries bc I'm anxious like that myself, but it's important to put this situation into perspective. A single slow week is not indicative of your overall career trajectory or you as a writer. The freelance world is inherently unpredictable. Even the most successful freelancers experience slow periods. It's how you handle these moments that truly defines your professional future. It's also worth noting that the wellness industry can be seasonal, with periods of higher and lower activity. This slow week might be more about the industry's rhythm than your abilities
Those quiet periods always lead to bursts of creativity and new opportunities. Try journaling about your feelings, take a nature walk to clear your mind. Sometimes, the best inspiration comes when we least expect it. You've got this, darling! Your words matter, and the world needs your unique voice. How about treating yourself to something special this week to lift your spirits?
I know it's scary when work slows down, but it happens to everyone. Even the best writers have weeks where they don't get many assignments. It's totally normal in this kind of job.
You know what? I bet you're a great writer. You got this job for a reason, right? They picked you because they liked your work. One week like this doesn't change that. You're still the same talented writer you were before.
It's okay to feel worried. That's a normal feeling too. But don't let it make you think you're not good enough. You are! Writing is your thing, and you should keep doing it.
Think about all the times you've done great work. Remember how good it felt to finish an article you were proud of? That's the real you. That's the writer you are.
Slow periods like this are actually pretty common in freelancing. It's not about you or your skills. It's just how the work flow goes sometimes. Up and down, busy and slow. That's normal.
@Ashley Jackson that's what i was thinking! you got hired for a reason, don't doubt yourself!