Can someone just tell me if I’m overreacting???
I’ve been married to my husband for a year. We’ve known each other for about three years. He has this female friend, I’ll call her Mary, whom he has known since his teens. They’ve spent a lot of time smoking weed and making music together; he calls her “his bro” and likes to go to concerts with her and her brother (who was also part of their former teen band). When we started dating, I knew of their friendship because we met through her brother. She looked like a tomboy when she was younger, I’ve seen lots of her photos. But she has changed since then, she’s a woman now, and she’s single most of the time (she had some partners, but nothing lasted for too long, unfortunately).
At first, I tried to be patient about it. After all, I have friends too, and I can’t expect my husband to spend time only with me. But my patience grew thinner as time went on. They have this bond that seems unbreakable. I swear, my intuition tells me Mary has feelings for my husband. The way she acts around him is just not right. She's always touching his arm, leaning in too close when they talk, laughing a little too much at his jokes. And don't even get me started on the way she dresses when they go to concerts together. It's like she's trying to show off for him, to get his attention in a way that makes me sick to my stomach. My husband also hangs out with her family quite a bit, so much so that I’m beginning to think they want their daughter to be with him too (or maybe they hoped so in the past??) Anyway, I did not grow up with them to see their dynamics, but I find Mary’s behavior inappropriate. For example, last weekend we were at an after-party drinking beer and having fun with a couple of my friends, and Mary turned out to be there too. She said “hi” to me and then practically jumped into my husband’s arms, as if they hadn't seen each other for years… which made my friends raise their eyebrows, and when Mary proceeded to drag him to the dance floor exclaiming it was THEIR favorite song, one of my friends came up to me and asked what was going on. She later came up to me and asked multiple times if I was ok with it. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of my friends, so I shrugged it off, but I talked about it with my husband when we were back home. And he acted as if I were a jealous wife, petted me on the back, and such… said I was unreasonable and that if not for Mary’s brother we wouldn’t have met, so I was definitely imagining Mary’s love for him… he was a bit drunk, still I felt very stupid. So the next time she came to our house to chill with us, I took her aside and politely told her that though she was my husband’s friend, she was not his best friend, because I was his wife and his best friend now, that he chose to share his life with me. She said nothing and acted very coldly all that evening, ignoring me etc, but she told my husband about our small girl talk, probably exaggerated things a lot, and my husband now says I overreacted and that I’m complicating things…
Please, someone, anyone, tell me what I should do?? Am I just being paranoid and insecure? Should I believe that Mary’s feelings for my husband are purely platonic? Or should I confront him about my concerns and risk causing a rift in our marriage?
