I was in a relationship with a girl. We were engaged. She was my best friend for 4 years and after so many ups and downs we got in a relationship. But i was so blind in love that i didnt realise it was one sisded and one day she was gone unnoticed. It took me years to heal from that but after 3 years i met a girl she was sweet loving caring like everything i wanted from a partner. The girl of my dreams. So i thought of giving it a chance. It was long distance but we planned to meet eachother. Everything was going good. I used to stay in facetime , txt her good morning and good night txts. Used to motvate her. Used to send her flowers like a sweet lovestory yk!! But suddenly all started falling apart. All the things she said she loved about me she started getting irritated. She didnt respond to my txt that much used to say 1/2 hours per day is enough even tho its long distance and all i had is her presence. Like everything crashed downs and one day she left me saying she cheated on me and i cried my soul out coz i dreamt my entire life with her. I didnt wanna let her go. She hung up saying i dont have self respect. Days go by i try to suck it in but suddenly she txts me back saying she sorry. Rather resenting her. I felt bad for her. But it true that she is with someone else. Now whenever i try to sleep i hear her voice. I see the moment. I get nightmares of my oartner cheating on me. Some random dream when im being left alone in the dark being cheated on my heartrate starts spiking like crazy to the point i jump out of my sleep and i cant breathe and sweat like crazy. I cant sleep cant stop the voices in my head. All i cant think is this bad thing is gonna keep repeating itself. Pls i cant afford a therapist so i shared my story. Pls help me

My partner and I live together. We work at the same firm, mostly from home, my partner goes to offline team meetings only once or twice a month. As we share both private space and work space around the clock, it almost feels like we share everything. We’ve been together for 3 years, and lately we’ve been arguing a lot. I don’t know if it’s general tiredness or something else, I don’t want to think about it. I want to fix things between us, and I need to do it quickly because we’ve talked twice about breaking up now and it’s not healthy. My partner suggested that we intentionally spend less time together. It means working from coffee shops twice a week for each of us and spending one weekend separately. He bought a gym membership and renewed his old school friendships to play football on Sunday evenings. I’m supposed to do something similar, like have a night out with girls or walk in the park. The problem is I’m an introvert and I’ve detached myself from my friends since we started dating. My partner was my best friend and I didn’t feel I needed anyone else. He is my whole world, even though I realize it’s childish to depend on my partner to make me feel happy. I know I have codependency issues; I always had them at school and later. I feel lonely and lacking validation when left on my own. I need to feel attachment, and a part of my mind always hopes that someone’s going to come and save me. From everything — boredom, illness, myself… My SO was, is such a superhero, comfortable to be around with even when we’re silent. He is my person to relax with, I don’t think I feel the need for friends. I’m afraid we’ll have less quality time together now that he’ll spend more time going out and seeing other people. Damn, I’m ashamed to write this, but I’m afraid he’ll meet someone else, someone better than me. It’s ridiculous, he has chosen the gym and football specifically not to increase the tension between us, and here I am crying about dangers that aren’t even real! I want to make sure we get the most of our own time and yet I’m anxious to have that me time and can’t focus on anything else but my relationship 😢

This is my life now. I’m a prisoner in my own home. I used to be independent, outgoing, and full of life, but the pandemic erased my life. My world has become smaller and smaller, and I find myself going out maybe once a week, if at all. Even then, it's only for the most essential tasks, and I'm consumed by anxiety and fear throughout the entire experience. The thought of leaving the safety and comfort of my home triggers waves of panic. I had to continue working from home because the thought of returning to commuting was just too much. And even then, I had to take a salary cut because my productivity has taken a hit. I feel like I'm letting everyone down, including myself.

It kills me that I rely on my partner for everything now. He has to run all the errands, go grocery shopping, and take care of our dog. I feel like a toddler, completely helpless and irresponsible, and it's eating me up inside. I want to be able to do these things on my own, but most of the time I can't seem to overcome this paralysis.

Today, for instance, I have anxiety medication waiting for me at the pharmacy, which is just a 10-minute walk away. It sounds like a simple task, but for me it's a challenge. I'm trying to find the motivation to leave the house and make that short trip, but my anxious part is telling me to just call my partner and ask him to pick up my med on his way home. It's a constant battle now, between the rational part of me that knows I need to go out and breathe in fresh air, and the overwhelming inertia and fear that keep me trapped inside.

I miss the days when I could go out with friends, enjoy a meal at a restaurant, or simply take a walk in the park without feeling I’m a hermit lost in a jungle. Now, even the thought of going to a social gathering makes me giddy. I feel like I'm missing out on so much, and my medication does not help me. It only stifles my anxiety for a little while.

I am fed up of putting up with a narcissistic partner for last 11 years. I am reduced to a position below that of the house help of the house. I am abused, harassed, shamed, manipulated, socially disgraced, neglected, in validated, gas lighted (the works!) at the hands of my partner and to an extent by his step son, step daughter and extended family.

I am caught up in a Catch 22 situation as this is my 3rd marriage and there is a heavy stigma attached to broken marriages in the Asian culture that I belong to. Thank God for my education, self confidence, financial independence and the support of my own family, I have managed to survive the abusive 3rd marriage (first marriage was of no consequence as it lasted 3 days, the 2nd marriage saw 2 years of co-habiting before I was abandoned).

Thanks to my understanding of Psychology, I managed to diagnose my current partner's personality disorder all by myself, when the whole world around him, ignored me, my pleas and my needs. How can a woman seek recourse from a mental disorder when there is no acknowledgement of it? My mother and my brother are not in favour of divorce and do tend to persuade me to go back to the hell hole every time. No I am not putting the blame on others as I AM A STRONG PERSON and can take and live up to my own independent decisions. But I sort of feel so TIRED of sorting out my twisted personal and professional life ALL MY LIFE.

I need help.