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An
Anupama95
1y ago

Issues with mum

I had an issue with my mum. Her brother in law came to Sri Lanka, he is loved by all of me my siblings. I wanted to be with him for a few days and introduce my husband too. He came cause his mother passed away. Yesterday I told mum that I will be coming to the funeral and then will stay for a few nights as my uncle is there. When we got home my mum was acting bit strange as if she didnt like my husband I stay for a few days. When I ased about sleeping arrangements she gave us a room with lots of storage and dust and all. She knew this but my husband didnt. When he checked the room he said we cant stay as we both have sinuses. And for the first time in my husband's life (He is a very patience guy who never complaints) he has understood that my mum didnt like us to stay there. Honestly we wont mind staying on floor even. But she gave the worst room. And after the funeral I told my family that we wont stay and we will go back. My mum was not hesitant, she didnt even ask why or didnt ask to stay. I am so upset cause my husband's family never even hurt me by a word, but this is how my mom treat my husband. And today morning, I blamed my mum, but she was saying that eventhough she was tired she gave us a banana, and we are the ones who hurt her. FOr the whole lifetime she has been treating me differently and I have mum issues. I always look for her love and appreciation which I get rarely. This is the first time I stepped up and blamed her. She is a very self centered person, who thinks that we must treat her a queen cause our father passe away. Am I wrong?

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bu
bubu
1y

I am sorry to hear whatever you have gone through, but I am curious why did she treat you that way, did you guys not have good terms already?

Because I know certain parents treat their kids that way, which isn't right either but they have a reason, why does she treat you like that for no reason?

sh
shanaya
1y

I understand what you are going through, but I suppose you really need to talk about this to her, because if she does it without any meaning then, it is definitely hurtful but it will be better if you care to talk this out, because ofcourse this behavior is hurtful, and no one wishes to be treated as such by their parents


Be very clear about your points, she's your mother you don't need to shy out fighting for being treated right

ma
madyson
1y

Hi. Did I understand correctly that you came to the funeral and didn't care what condition your mother was in with her husband's death. That maybe she was grief-stricken, withdrawn, unconcerned. Maybe she didn't even realize that this room would seem "undignified" to you because she thought you were coming to support her and you didn't care about the rest. I've just been to a funeral for a loved one, and I know that everything around you just becomes indifferent compared to this great grief. You're just selfish.

An
Anupama95
1y
Author

@madyson It's not my father's funeral. It was my mum's brother in law's mum's funeral. Quite far away. We are not even upset about this. My father passed three years ago.


My mum has been using my father's death to get treated like a queen as an excuse. Whenever my siblings or me take a decision , and if she doesn't agree with that decision she starts crying about my father.

An
Anupama95
1y
Author

@bubu It started 20 years back. Minor incidents but she acted in everyway to hurt me.

ma
madyson
1y

@Anupama95 Thanks for writing in detail, I can understand you better that way.... And support... I think if a mom uses manipulation like this, once it's ignored a few times, she'll have less desire to do so... Hang in there, and write!

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