Lately, I've been feeling off. Sometimes I notice changes in my behavior—I'll feel different, like I'm not myself. I experience bouts of depression, stress, fatigue, and disinterest in things that used to excite me. It's like a mix of negative emotions swirling around inside me. I've become more emotionally fragile too; even small things can set me off, making me cry easily.
At home, it's tough. My parents constantly put me down, telling me I'm worthless, the worst person ever, and comparing me to everyone else. They expect perfection in everything I do, but no matter how much they criticize and pressure me, I seem to do worse than before. It's like a never-ending cycle of abuse. I hear more than ten insults (mostly abuses)every single day, and it's become almost normal for me to endure this verbal on slaught. But lately, even the slightest hint of criticism or yelling makes me break down in tears.
My emotions are all over the place. I struggle to feel love and happiness most of the time. My days are filled with sadness, frustration, intense anger, tears, and moments where I just feel numb. It's like I'm stuck in this whirlwind of negativity, and I don't know how to break free. I've tried everything to cope with what's going on, really. I've read up on how to reprogram my mind, tried to change my thinking patterns, but nothing seems to stick. It's like life keeps throwing insults at me, non-stop. Sometimes, I get so angry that I end up pushing away even the people who care about me. I just isolate myself and avoid talking to anyone.
Getting out of this negative cycle feels impossible. Even though my long-distance boyfriend loves me and tries his best to take care of me, I'm starting to doubt my own feelings for him. It's like my emotions are all over the place, and I don't know what to do.
Every day brings its own set of crazy situations. Whenever someone hears the full story of what I go through with my parents, they just shake their heads and say my parents must be mentally ill or something. I try to keep my distance from them, but it doesn't seem to help. Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep forever or go deaf so I wouldn't have to hear their voices anymore. I'm getting more and more irritated, and I can't stand the sound of their voices.
Being human, we're greatly influenced by our environment. It's like they say, if you're surrounded by animals, you might start acting like one too. For me, it's like living in a world of constant negativity and abuse. My self-esteem is at an all-time low, and I have little to no confidence in myself. I get really anxious around other people, and social situations make me extremely uncomfortable.
To make things even harder, I've been stuck at home for the past six years with no chance to travel or experience anything new. My life revolves around enduring these abuses, going to school, and then back home, day in and day out. It feels like there's no escape from this cycle of negativity.
It’s not true to say you’re crying for no apparent cause. Judging by your post, you’ve got so much on your plate ATM. You need some points that can guide you. What is it that you want to change most in your life? I understand that many things make you sad right now, but what’s one thing that, if changed, you think would make your life instantly better?
Hey, sorry you're going through this rough time. I’ve also been in a situation where it seemed like everyone else was normal and making friends except me, it was a terrible feeling. I’m an introvert from the start, it’s incredibly hard for me to connect with anyone outside my family. I learned the hard way that no one is going to go out of their way to get to know you or invite you somewhere. That has to be done by ourselves, even if it means leaving the comfort zone :( Eventually I forced myself to talk to people more and found out they’d thought I preferred to be alone and so avoided me. It was my own fault, which I learned to correct. I think parents aren’t always the best choice when it comes to personal problems. Mine could never understand me. I find it much easier to share my burdens with people my age. Whatever your parents tell you and restrict your communications, it’s your decision to make, and they should understand that everyone needs friends. Have you tried group studies with your classmates? It was my life savior during exam periods!
The worst thing about loneliness is that it never goes away completely, and it’s not about surrounding yourself with people. The only way out of loneliness is to find meaning in what you do in your day-to-day life. Something to hold on to, regardless of anyone else. I’ve talked a lot about it with my therapist. I wanted a “cure”, I wanted not to feel so painfully isolated… It took me many sessions and a lot of inner work to realize and accept a very simple truth: that I needed to learn to be my best friend. Then I’ll never truly be lonely because I will always have myself.
I want you to know that you have the power to change your life for the better today. It’s very easy to start doubting oneself when there’s so much sadness. But you will get through this. Use your anger to make some changes in your situation. It’s a new year, and it will be your year. Sending you lots of hugs!
Hi, I just saw your post and want to share my thoughts. I feel like I will always be alone, all my life, due to my BPD and the way people influence me when I let someone get closer. I got so tired of this torture that I decided to learn to live alone. I can't keep waiting for someone to save me from myself as my life passes by. I am in my early thirties and have thought a lot about what to do with my life. I decided to get another degree to pursue a better career. I have no family plans, but I may adopt a dog later this year. What I’m trying to say is that if you learn to immerse yourself in other things, there’ll be a day when you’ll be comfortable with just your company. And, accidentally, that may be the day you start attracting others into your life.
I can be your online friend if you want. What’s your favorite food? Mine are french fries and lasagna. What do you do as a creative outlet? And what are those caste differences you’re talking about?
@tengotti Nice, Tengotti!
Hello, Jiya! I learned to make friends with people online because I used to be in a similar place. In the 6th grade, I spent almost two months in my room studying from home because I was very ill. Luckily, my parent was supportive. I know how it feels. Maybe you can find online communities that revolve around your interests. I don’t know what your hobbies are, am pretty sure though that there are like-minded people around the world. Perhaps you’ll even be able to connect with someone relatively nearby if you use social network groups. Sometimes just being part of a community and having the option to chat in the evening after studies releases a lot of daily pressure and makes life easier.
@tengotti
Omg this message really makes me smile. Sure I would like to be your friend.
My favorite food is noodles and many Indian food. Hmm as creative outlet I guess maybe imaginations.
Caste differences goes here:people were divided in specific classes.
classes are referred as caste but yea both have slight differences.
I belong to highest Caste which means you can say I belong to high class or first class and they belong to any other class which is low than my class or Caste,that's why parents don't allow. Tho I don't trust or believe on these sits but here casting goes too much.
@that m8
I would love to join community but I don't use to much social media. I don't use apps like Facebook or insta or twitter because I'm not allowed to use.
I secretly only use discord but there mostly I meet wrong people while making friends.
Group studies on calls I can't do because I'm not allowed to call anyone.
@throwaway acc
Honestly never in life.
Most of classmates are boys and they be horny so oof I'm not allowed to talk to boys also and girls are very less in amount and semi toxic. School is one of the place where I experience real loneliness. It be like I'm a lead actress of any show I'm staring my school mates and everyone is ghosting me or acting like I'm not there or I was never there and they busy in their works.
@jiya Oh, you're from India! Sorry I'm slow... My parents took me to an Indian restaurant a dozen times. I love dosa and dal makhani!
High Caste are probably like those teens who go to elite private schools here (Harvard-Westlake etc.). I went to a public school but last year I had to change school. I don't much like the new one, they're mad about sports here.
I like to listen to music (electronic, nu-metal, hiphop) and want to buy a skateboard. Are you on TikTok?