I feel depressed and alone scared of losing my friends and be left alone, always sad and I feel like crying, am crashing, am restless and can't control myself

To begin, I must say that I identify as a femboy. So, several years ago, I developed an interest in feminine clothes an items. Eventually, I began to share images of myself online. Although some people were mean, most of feedback was positive. I realized how effortless it is for me to receive this attention. As an unappealing male, the positive feedback only intensified my wish to continue with the femboy lifestyle. But recently, I have been feeling like a failure as both a man and a "girl."

I am battling mild depression and my self-esteem is extremely low. Additionally, I am experiencing an existential crisis. I cannot seem to find meaning in anything anymore. I just go to work, watch Netflix and dress up as a girl. However, I find these activities monotonous and meaningless. I lack the motivation and knowledge necessary to make any changes in my life. Hope you can help me here.

Can someone help me. Mentally disturbed It would be great if I can get one someone whom I can contact personally

Extremely alone lonely and isolated really need someone to talk to more than ever and a friend especially