I’ve been in an abusive relationship during my teenage years, which I believe was the root of my panic disorder. It built gradually over the years, and at first I didn’t take it for what it was. I thought I was prone to fainting, and when my first serious panic attack hit me, I thought it was a heat stroke. Over time, I learnt to catch the early symptoms: the unexplainable bursts of terror in my stomach, the feeling of heat and intense sweating, parts of my body becoming numb. One day I had a wave of panic attacks so strong that I had to cancel all my plans and stay in bed all afternoon. It began to interfere with my work and my personal life. Every time I thought I’d be getting a tingling sensation in my hands, I’d become terrified that I was going to pass out. My husband who was watching me struggle with it all finally took me by the hand and escorted me to a psychiatrist.

I must say now that my first two attempts with medical professionals were a complete failure. The psychiatrist prescribed me a sedative and a selective serotonin inhibitor, to cope with my anxiety. It helped, so much so that I believed I was cured forever. How naive of me! I stopped taking the meds 1.5 months later, without consulting my doctor. Why take more pills, when I was absolutely fine, right? Well, never do that! Don’t be me. Any doctor will tell you that you must take your meds for at least 3 months, usually longer, for any long-term effect. So a month without my pills, and my panic returned in full force. I had an episode in the subway and crawled back home, completely defeated and without hope of being normal again.

My husband insisted that I see another doctor. My second one was more on the side of alternative medicine, and we practised meditation and breathing during the first couple of sessions. It kind of helped, but only when I was not alone. So after two weeks I decided against continuing the therapy sessions.

By that time, my attitude towards medical help was sceptical. I began my Internet search in the hope to find stories of other people coping with panic attacks. This brought me to CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy. It sounded effective, and I decided it could be my last chance. I spent weeks choosing the right therapist I’d be comfortable with. And my search was not in vain!

With my third therapist, we started by exploring what a panic attack actually is and what it does to my body. It really helped. With meditation I didn't quite know what I was doing. But understanding the fight-or-flight body response, the adrenaline rush, and how my fear of it only makes it worse – it all made sense. Then we started to learn the encouragement technique. Basically, the idea of CBT is to not battle a panic attack, but to let it happen and embrace it. So I was willingly controlling my thoughts. When my heart was beginning to race, my body temperature increasing, my task was not to fuss over it or try to stop it, but to lean into it. I had to tell my heart to race even faster. I had to imagine flames of fire dancing on my arms. I had to encourage my body to continue with its ridiculous panic in order to make my brain register that I was not afraid. There was nothing to be afraid of, and my body didn’t need to act as it did. Eventually, my goal was to anticipate my panic attacks with excitement. I know it sounds silly, but once you want to have a panic attack, you’ll never have one!

I haven’t had a single episode of panic in months now, and while I don’t consider myself cured, I’m confident I can handle it. All that matters is changing your reaction.

I hope it was helpful.

Lately, my crying patterns have changed. Previously, I would cry at night when feeling sad, but now I find myself crying unexpectedly, often in an exaggerated and intense manner, with difficulty breathing. What's particularly concerning is that even before encountering genuinely sad situations, I tear up, I've noticed a significant increase in my crying, a stark contrast to my childhood where I prided myself on rarely shedding tears. Now, it seems like I've become more emotionally vulnerable. Whether it's someone raising their voice at me or engaging in a disagreement, the intensity of my tears has heightened. What's particularly unsettling is the surge in instances where I find myself crying intensely, even in situations that never used to evoke tears. The feeling of crying without an apparent reason has become more frequent and overwhelming for me.

Particularly during poignant scenes in love stories where a character faces death, and their partner is left grieving, I experience a peculiar sensation within me. In those moments, an overwhelming and intense urge to cry takes hold, despite my rational understanding that it's merely a work of fiction. This has left me uncertain about the mental and emotional challenges that may be underlying these reactions.

I've been experiencing an unsettling trend of increasingly negative vibes, a feeling that has been intensifying over the past few months. Loneliness has become a constant companion, and as a 15-year-old, navigating these emotions can be challenging. It seems like even small things are triggering profound feelings within me, to the extent that I find it difficult to contain my tears at times. This emotional struggle is becoming more apparent, and I'm unsure how to cope with it.

Know it sounds mad. As someone with BPD, I have this strange idea that I’d like to date someone with the same diagnosis. I know it can be complicated and potentially toxic. But. What if someone struggling with intense emotions like myself will better comprehend my mentality towards relationships, especially the intense obsession and fear of abandonment? Someone who’ll think only of me, as I’ll be thinking only of them. I feel like someone with BPD who jumps through the same emotional loops would not need to be explained that most of the conflicts and fears I have are internal. We’d know how to support each other. We’d be healing side by side, exploring the depths of our emotions together with no judgement. I know it’s just a dream, and my therapist advised me against it. It would be an intense relationship, yes. The idea is so attractive though! I can’t help but long for such a connection...

(BTW, I’m male from California, 47 y.o., single)

I have already received support on the site and I am grateful to all those who are not indifferent! I have a situation again!! My ex-wife was recently hit by a car. But no, not directly hit, but pushed slightly from behind when she stopped in front of a crosswalk. The car was also no longer driving, but rolling slowly, and the impact was not severe. From the sudden jolt my wife fell down, but from the injuries only a bruise. But the wife's scare is intense. She can't walk down the street now, she's always looking around. And I drive her around, helping her. She's an ex-wife, but she's a human being. But how can I help her? She shouts before every crosswalk "let a man through!". I feel sorry for her, but my patience leaves me. And then, I was in a hurry and I passed in front of a pedestrian. Yes, I broke the rules, but it was in the yard. And she hit me! Yes, she did! And she yelled at me for not letting the pedestrian pass. I opened the door and threw her out into the street. Yeah. I did a bad thing, but I can't do it anymore. She called later and apologized. She said she didn't know what was wrong with her. Promised to get treatment. I don't feel good either.