What you’re feeling is very normal, stop pushing yourself too hard. All your friends with perfect careers struggle as much as you, even if they don’t show it. The current work week was not designed for women with children who face twice the pressure compared to people without children or families. If you’re having a hard time, you are not a failure, it’s the system that fails you. You’re magnificent! Look at that promotion!
If you want to learn effective stress-relief techniques, you may benefit from some counseling. I understand that it may be expensive, depending on your work insurance. However, it’s not the same as doing it on your own. One session may be much more valuable than hours of meditation.
I totally empathize. In my opinion, all extra stress comes from taking too much responsibility. If you’re one of those people who are always available and ready to fit in work late Friday evenings or weekends, you will be taken advantage of. The fact that you’ve been promoted indicates that you’re a good worker. Perhaps you’re being too committed to your job? There might be ways to cut corners, automate some tasks, depending on what you’re doing. And, most importantly, setting boundaries and keeping work strictly at the office. I know it’s easier said than done. Anyway, just know that you will get through it!
I got out from a situation like yours by quitting my job and becoming a full-time mother. I know it’s not for everyone, I’m lucky that my husband supports my decision. We have two boys, and while I was working, I felt that I didn't have the emotional capacity to be a good parent. I’m just not cut out for this. I find women who can succeed at both career and parenthood incredible human beings! To me what you’re doing is an impossible challenge. Maybe you can switch to part-time? Or at least anything less than 40 hours a week.
@ronin_mom I wish there was a way for me to just switch off the stress and be present in the moment with my children. They deserve so much more than what I'm able to give them right now.
@mrsKnobbs My parents have been advising me the same thing for a year now – to change my job. I thought about it before, bur I simply don’t know where I can find another job that pays as well as mine. And now, after promotion, I’m even less inclined to quit. Part-time sounds great, if only it could pay all my bills...
@J-ane I know what you’re talking about. From how I see it, I’m rather strict with my boundaries. I come home from work on time every day, and I don’t answer those emails that come past working hours, I only look through them sometimes. But my mind won’t stop planning, fearing not reaching deadlines, and ruminating. It’s almost like I’m my own enemy, and not my job really
@ScaryMary Gonna second this.
A mental health professional should be able to come up with strategies and exercises that work. Continually scolding yourself for “not being an adult” will only make you more stressed and frustrated, you need to get out of that mindset.
@fiotsudare Quite understandable. I also can’t leave my job, even though it’s toxic and draining, but the money is good. I’m casually browsing for other jobs, and I think you should be doing it too, even if you aren’t planning to change yours right away. Start looking around. You might be surprised what you can find (better paid or better benefits)!
Why are you feeling so stressed? Let’s see. You are a goddamn rock star! A job, a promotion, kids! You should lower your standards and expectations. You don’t need to perfectly handle everything. It’s okay to clean less or cook easy food every once in a while. It’s okay to get additional help, it’s not a crime! Decide on your priorities and stick with them. And where is your husband? Can’t he step up to take some responsibilities off your shoulders?
It's normal to find it hard to handle stress, especially when there are a lot of stresses piling up at once. You have new responsibilities at your job adding up to your responsibilities as a single mother. And even though it can feel like everyone else around you is coping with the challenges in life better than you are, it's impossible to know for sure as we only see a little portion of other people's life. It's also worth acknowledging that everyone handles stress differently, and that it's not a reflection of your worth or your capabilities. It's okay to get overwhelmed.
Meditation and deep breathing may sometimes be not the answer for everyone, or not be enough in certain situations. Sometimes we need a bit more than those strategies can provide. Don't hesitate to reach out for help from a counselor or a therapist. A specialist can help you see any underlying causes and provide with strategies that would work specifically for you. Remember that you don't need to carry the weight on your own.
It's important to recognize that it's actually quite healthy to acknowledge that you're struggling and seek out support. It doesn't mean that you're a failure or inadequate as a mother or as a professional - it just means that you know your limits. If you feel like your employer would be open to a conversation, consider discussing with them how the stress might affect your performance and see if there's way to get around it - like delegating some tasks, reducing the workload or just taking some extra days off. It's in the interest of any employer that their employees get a chance to decompress so they can be efficient at work.
Feeling overwhelmed is also possible when we have a lot of tasks at once, so we don't know which one to start with. It can help to write down all your tasks and see which ones are more important and urgent, then planning the week ahead accordingly. In the end of the day, you can write down all your tasks for the next day, if you don't do it already, so that you feel less anxious. If a task seems complicated, devide it into easy manageable steps, and take one step at a time. It's very important to find time during your work day for relaxation as well (at least for 5-10 minutes after 50 minutes of focused work, or when you feel that you need a break). Take this time to unwind and do something self-soothing like drinking warm tea, looking at calm pictures, or taking a short walk outside.
See if there are ways to set clear boundaries between your work and home life, like creating time in your schedule that is only dedicated to your family or relaxation and switching off your notifications during this time. It can help you feel more in control and less anxious, knowing you'll get back to work later, when it's time to. Another good strategy is to do something fun and relaxing right after work, even if it's just for a few minutes like playing a game on your phone, listening to music or taking a more scenic route home. The idea is to give your brain a signal that work is over and prepare you for your time at home. Moreover, it can be helpful to set a rule of not checking your work emails a couple hours before bed, and set a relaxing routine instead like taking a warm bath or reading a chapter of a novel.
Stress in simple terms is being under too much mental or emotional pressure.
. When you say you are shutting down with average daily tasks. now write down what is the must and important to be done. now see which task is not happening and why do you find the difficulty to do it. is it lack of energy or lack of time the reason or task is too complex or mundane then address it. see how well you can make it easy for you. You know your strength, limitations so just work based on that.