Hmm it really depends on what you did with the money. To your daughter it might seem like you’ve stolen her well-deserved savings, just because you don’t like computers or something.
Teenagers are curious and may be drawn to risky behaviors. I understand why you were alarmed, but I should say your daughter is a natural entrepreneur, and she and that other girl obviously have a fan base that's willing to pay for their streams. That’s something worth praising, even though I’m against online gambling on principle. I actually think it’s a good idea to have a grown-up discussion with your family members and explain that confiscating the money was a stance taken out of concern. Share your worries and explain that your actions were prompted by a desire to safeguard your daughter’s well-being. Tell her that it's not about punishment or retribution, but about guiding her to make responsible and informed decisions.
Why do you think your daughter lied to you in the first place? Was she expecting this reaction? I’m not saying your decision was wrong. I don’t have kids and can’t comment on parenting styles. It seems to me that you taking the money might not have sent a clear message. You’re talking about setting boundaries, but what about your daughter’s personal boundaries?
So, let me tell you this: taking this money will not teach your kid the lesson that you want to get across. Teenagers are stubborn. The only lessons she’ll learn are that she should be more careful next time and that she can’t trust you. Sorry, it’s not what you desired.
My solution would be to have a really open conversation with your daughter about all the dangers of gambling, about video games addictions, and all the other aspects that you think she does not understand. You can also teach her about responsible ways to make money and encourage her to invest it in her future. Though your really shouldn’t be too pushy about it, in the end she’s the one to decide how to spend it. I think what your daughter must realize is that she can not not hide things from her parents, and also that her parents can find the wisdom to support her even when she’s done something wrong. Parenting is hard, good luck with your kid! :)
@sk8ter In fact, I didn’t do anything with the money, it’s hers, and I’ll give it to her once she gets older or when she proves she won’t lie and gamble again. I told her that the money was safe with me.
@reboot I don’t know why she lied to me. I suppose she knew she was doing something illegal. She involved another girl and did not share her activities with me or my wife. This secrecy bothers me even more than the money itself and the way she got it.
I’m conflicted, too. 🤔 Taking the money was not what I’d do. She earned it fair and square. Gambling is not such a horrible crime. I mean, she didn’t kill anyone. But she’s thirteen, and I bet she’d spend this money on games and stupid things, so no harm if you hold it for her until she becomes more mature money-wise.
@jeremiah Sure, I see your point. Lying is not ok. However, it's equally important to remain open-minded and receptive to your daughter's perspective. What if she was saving the money for something good?
While it's important for her to understand the consequences of her actions, you need to listen to her feelings and thoughts on the matter. Your daughter might be feeling misunderstood, and if you want to win her trust again, it's key to create an environment where she can be honest with you
Think about how things could be different if your daughter did not use her friend as the middle man but went straight to her mom and dad. You’d be able to be her legal representative (use your ID) while you’d also be able to guide her in her money-making options. I’d always believed that friendly dynamics in the family is the right kind of dynamic.
As a parent it is very important to be aware of what your child is doing. it is necessary first you communicate with her to understand how did she know about this? how much is she aware about consequences of minor playing poker? what thrill does she get by playing it and why does she play it? how frequently does she play? what does she think about poker?
This will give you chance to correct any misunderstanding if she has and educate her as well.
You need to talk to her because at this age it is very difficult for her to evaluate all the consequences of any decision they make in their life. They aren't prepared at this age to balance emotions and logic to make a healthy choice. instead they would act impulsively and take risk. As a parent you need to educate her about the risks of partaking in these activities. Be prepared there will be arguments, emotions overflowing but you need to have a constructive conversation at the end. Just speak to her in calm and non judgemental way. if she feels she is understood by you she will talk to you openly and honestly and not hide things in the future. This will help you to even a negotiate a plan with them. You also should let them know that reason you are concerned is because you care for her and want to help her.