July 2022 was the year I decided to start doing things outside my comfort zone as an introvert, so it began with presenting more feminine and bar hopping. I brought two-tone wigs, revealing clothes and started wearing makeup. I began going on dates with people from media apps and was treated to tacos and margaritas every other day. Then, 2 weeks into August I met someone special. It was from that evening forward, August 17th, 2022, that my life would change in the most unexpected way.
It was half past 19:00 when I pulled up to a rooftop bar in my new, red and black two tone wig. I was dressed in all black; a cropped fishnet top with leather pants and eccentric punk makeup. I took a seat by the window and then… I saw him. My server. The man I briefly dated and the abuser who traumatised me. After placing a carafe of water at my table, he gave me a gentle smile and introduced himself. Post taking my order, I noticed his flirtatious expression in between passing, most to which I returned.
A few drinks later I worked up the courage to shoot my shot and asked for his number, after asking if he’d take a photo of me dining, both to which he surprisingly obliged. The next day we went on our first date. He picked me up at a nearby park early afternoon and we spent the evening getting to know one another over sushi and plum wine. Everything seemed fine at first but then his mask began to crack and before I knew it, the abuse began.
It started with the evening I initiated our relationship, August 24th, 2022, where we hopped bar after bar, and each time he’d force me to drink with him. It wasn’t long before my intoxication as he already had me drinking since 4pm; specifically Prosecco (11% alc.) and Geikkeikan Saké (15.6%). To spare details, once he noticed I was in a drunken stupor, he escorted me to his place and sexually assaulted me. To this day I have little to no recollection of the event; I only remember collapsing on the bed, wavering in and out of consciousness before passing out and coming to at the sight of him fastening his belt, telling me, “Come on, I have to take you home.”
It was that day moving forward this became a pattern; coercing me to drink until I’m drunk so he could assault me, but it didn’t stop there. I foolishly introduced him to my at the time best friend who he not only attempted to triangulate between us, but sexually harassed despite our protests and isolate me away from them and other members of support. Among trying to financially control me with encouragement to quit my at the time job and live with him, he simultaneously triangulated an at the time coworker of his. Whenever we were at bars, he’d blatantly flirt with other people. Additionally, he’d make racially insensitive about minorities despite being a minority himself.
Whenever I would hold him accountable for his inappropriate behaviour or inflammatory remarks, he’d gaslight me or play victim. He projected accusations of infidelity onto me despite cheating on me with his ex and several other people, then began badmouthing my loved ones. He’d purposefully arrange and cancel, deprive me of sleep, ignore text messages, violate my boundaries despite there being clear communication, and misgender me despite knowing I’m not a woman as he’s seen me without wigs and makeup.
Throughout all of the mistreatment I did my best to give him the benefit of the doubt because the moment I entered that “relationship”, I said to myself that I want to ensure I’m exercising all the proper avenues to ensure it works and that I’m practicing healthy communication. September 26th, 2022 was the day I had enough and blocked him on everything, effectively ending our relationship. At the time of us dating, for every “situation” that triggered me it was also communicated to a trusted loved one. September 26th is the day they spoke my truth on behalf of me. September 28th, 2022 is the day I came forth myself speaking my truth.
Not even a week later, I began finding myself descend into a state of despondency. I couldn’t get out of bed, I lost my appetite, I was impulsively spending to cope and I became incredibly isolated. Despite being fortunate enough to be met with support when coming out, it didn’t change I didn’t have a personal support system. I took legal action and spent the next 7-9 months fighting health complications and legal affairs. What made it hurt twice as worse is with coming out, several other people traumatised by my assailant approached me saying he did the same thing to me.
However throughout this time, I actively sought professional help. I chose sobriety, started volunteering, I picked up boxing, and dedicated the rest of my time to creating a better life for myself. Came September 22nd, 2023 I received justice in a way that felt good to me. Many of hardships have become a lot more manageable and I’m thankful for the connections I’ve built from them and are maintaining today. Now, it’s August 1st, 2024 and 2022 feels far away. I’ve been so preoccupied with continuously practicing kindness, self love and restoring my health that I sometimes forget that entire ordeal happened. August 2022 was a terrible period in my life that could’ve actually killed me, but I’m so glad to have survived and came out stronger.
My assailant traumatised the ever loving hell out of me, but he traumatised me so badly it made me want to get my shit together. Sometimes I never know whether to hate him or thank him, but I generally feel indifferent. While he’s a covert narcissist and they rarely never change, that doesn’t mean I can’t continue to change myself.
Last year I had to transition from traditional marketing to digital content creation. The key for me was adapting and finding my niche. You need to focus on specialized writing that requires human insight and creativity. Consider getting certified in SEO writing or UX writing, these skills are still very much in demand. But the questions is: what niches do you like?
@cute nessa yeah, agree, but also wanna add that the writing world is changing but not disappearing! Develop your own unique writing style and it's gonna be great 4 you! Your background sets you apart. Your writing style sets you apart. Find it, use it. You could also look into storytelling for brands, they need authentic human voices. Plus, your experience could be a unique selling point
@megan kohler that's perfect!! Storytelling + creativity = amazing combo! You could totally use this for like social media content creation, ya know? Lots of brands want fun stories these days, something unique to set them apart. I know things seem hard right now, but you've got skills that make you special. You can start by creating a portfolio of things you wanna do and send it to your local brands, who you wanna work with. Show people what you can do!
@megan kohler oh oh and maybe try writing your own stories, just as a hobby? These are the things that you can then use in your portfolio
@SARAH13 I do like storytelling. I also like being creative.
I think it's pretty awesome that you know exactly what you want to do. Like, seriously amazing! So many people don't even know what makes them happy, but you do, you love writing! And I want you to know that everyone gets scared sometimes, especially when following their dreams. It's a big thing and human brain usually worries about big things like htis lol
Have you thought about starting a blog? Like, just writing about things you love? It could be about anything, movies, books, your experiences, your fears even (if you're comfortable with this of course!!). This could help you build a portfolio while doing what you love
Oh! And you could also try looking for writing jobs that specifically need that human touch, like personal essays, local news stories, writing about your community etc. These are areas where AI just can't compete because they need real feelings
I know the holiday season is slow, but that makes it the perfect time to prepare for the new year! Maybe you could use this time to make a list of places you'd like to write for, or start building a website to showcase your work? Don't give up on your dreams just because things are tough right now. Usually the best opportunities come right after the hardest times ✨
Look into technical writing! I'm serious! The demand is growing, and it's less affected by AI. Tech companies always need humans to explain complex concepts clearly
@T.G That does sound nice but I’m not well versed in technology
You already have experience with freelancing, which is very substantial. You've got what it takes to put yourself out there and work independently. That's a huge advantage, I can tell you that much. Keep writing and learning, and most importantly, keep believing in yourself. You've got this, and the future you will thank you for not giving up. It's never too late to change your life and go after your dreams, and with the New Year coming up, it's really the perfect time for such things
@SereneSoul I second this! As someone who's been freelancing for a while now, I can tell you that the skills you learn as a freelancer are super valuable. Companies really like how we can manage our own time and stay on top of things without anyone watching over us. It's about being able to handle deadlines, talk to clients, stay organized. These are things that make us stand out
@ryan same, I've had clients tell me they picked me because of how well I handled my previous work. Even when things got tough, I kept going, and that's exactly what everyone needs to do
@lindsay yeah, it completely shatters that old-school myth that working from home means being less productive. I've noticed that when you're passionate about your craft, whether it's art like in your case or anything else, you naturally develop this incredible work ethic. It's not about having someone looking over your shoulder anymore, it's about the personal satisfaction of delivering quality work and building those lasting client relationships. I've found that this kind of self-driven motivation is actually much more sustainable in the long run
@SereneSoul that's so true! some of my friends tease me about being a "stay-at-home freelancer" like it's somehow less legitimate than a regular office job. but honestly, my clients are constantly amazed by my work ethic and discipline
i do art commissions, and my schedule is packed most days. just last week, one of my clients was shocked when they found out i was juggling their project with two other major commissions simultaneously. the funny thing is, i actually feel more disciplined working from home than i ever did in an office environment. there's something about being in your own space, setting your own schedule, and doing work you genuinely love that just brings out the best in you
@SereneSoul since becoming a freelancer, i've developed this amazing ability to structure my day in a way that maximizes my creativity. sometimes i'll work late into the night when inspiration hits, or start super early when i'm feeling fresh. this flexibility has actually helped me produce some of my best work
the key is being honest with yourself and your clients about timelines and deliverables. i've built such strong relationships with my regular clients because they know they can trust me to manage my time effectively, even with multiple projects running simultaneously
Hi! I don't know if you saw my comment under your last post, but I'm back here again haha
I'm really glad you're making plans! It's actually the beginning of everything. Don't ever cater to someone else's plans if they don't contribute to what you dream of. Don't let others put out that fire in you! To answer your question, I'll just say that there is no one-size-fits-all recipe for achieving your goals. It happens gradually. Each day when you do something to reach your goal brings you closer to the fulfillment of your dream. One day you'll wake up and be thankful that you've pushed forward, because you're definitely going to have everything you dream about, I'm sure
Even the biggest names had moments where they felt discouraged, but they kept going, and that's what made the difference! Just keep going, you've got this!❤️
Now is a great time to make a plan for 2025 to become more productive in your everyday life. I like to approach everything rationally, and many of my friends hate me for it, but I really think you should start by making a plan for this year, because right now everyone is excited about wanting to change their life, to start new, but they don't make any definitive plans, and when that thrill is gone, they go back to being their 'old selves' and you don't wanna do it. So start by making a plan. It doesn't have to be anything specific and big. It HAS to be doable, so you won't feel discouraged
@Virginia Allen Haha Virginia, I'm totally that rational friend too! Your advice is exactly what I always tell my friends. Everyone gets super excited about changes but then goes back to their old ways when they don't have a solid plan. It's like you're reading my mind!
I'm always the one telling my friends to break down their goals into smaller ones instead of making huge promises they can't keep. The whole "new year, new me" thing usually fails because people try to change everything at once
Sometimes my friends get annoyed when I start talking about making lists and setting realistic goals, but hey, it works! I've found that when you make doable changes, they're more likely to stick. It's refreshing to meet someone else who thinks this way!
@Virginia Allen It's funny because I was just thinking about how I used to be that person who would make these huge, unrealistic goals. Now I know that small steps are the way to go
Instead of saying "I'm going to climb mount Everest this year," it's better to say "I'm going to workout for 15 minutes every day." It's so much more manageable that way. I think people want instant results, but real change takes time
@travis clifford Oh hi! It's nice to meet someone who gets it! I totally understand what you mean about friends getting annoyed, mine roll their eyes at my advice. But honestly, I've seen so many people fail at their resolutions because they jump in without thinking things through. That's why I always stress the importance of starting small. The key is to be realistic and patient with yourself. I've learned that the hard way
@travis clifford That's exactly it, systems over goals! It's those daily habits that really make the real difference. I actually use a similar approach with my workout routine, instead of saying "I'll get super fit," I focus on showing up at the gym three times a week, no matter what. The consistency is what matters
Happy New Year, Megan! 🎉 Hope your doing well and taking great care of yourself! Dreams are meant to come true, and I've seen people pull the impossible before! Truly believe in you, truly think that you can get through all the challenges and come out on top. Don't give up, champ 🫂
Happy New Year!!! I hope you had a wonderful celebration to welcome 2025! How did you celebrate? I absolutely love your resolution about living a more independent life, that's such a meaningful and empowering goal!! Creating a vision board really helps me at the start of each year! It's such a powerful way to visualize your goals and dreams. I think you should definitely make one for yourself!
@jcollins0612 thiisss!! Every single year I tell myself I'm gonna make this amazing vision board with all my dreams and goals on it, but then I just... don't. I'll even save some pictures on Pinterest and even buy some cute magazines, but they just end up sitting there collecting dust. I'm the worst when it comes to actually sitting down and doing something! I know it would probably help me a lot, especially with staying focused on what I want, but I am too lazyyy and I procrastinate a lottt
@jcollins0612 omg that actually sounds so fun! I never thought about making it into a party! I've got tons of old magazines lying around that I was supposed to throw out, but now they can finally be useful lol. And yes please to the snacks, maybe that's what was missing from my previous attempts? Food motivation always works for me! I've been feeling kind of stuck lately, especially with work stuff, so maybe this is exactly what I need right now. Your excitement about this is actually getting me excited too!
@Kristin I usually put on some good music, get some snacks, and just let the creativity flow! Turn it to a party, invite your friends!! It's such a great way to start conversations about your goals and dreams, be there for each other. Create a support system that you dream about! It is so simple, but so effective. Such convos can truly bring people together
@Kristin don't even worry about feeling stuck, that's exactly why vision boards are so amazing! They help you see all the possibilities out there! You should definitely include a section for career goals since you mentioned work stuff. I always find that when I put my dreams out there visually, the universe starts opening up new doors
I totally get that feeling of uncertainty!
While I didn't face the exact same challenges as you did, I switched careers drastically in 2024. The transition period was scary, but I found my niche, found my people and I am more that happy now. If I could do it (the most anxious person alive lol), then anyone can. 2025 has a lot of greatness in store for you!
Where do you see yourself in writing by the end of this year?