I’m supposed to be the good one, but to hell with it! I hate my sister. I wish I could never see her again. My parents will always side with her, NO MATTER how hard I try to prove them that they’re delusional about her. She has just screamed at me for losing her car keys, while she’s been having them all along. And dad blamed me for being reckless. The keys were found, and I’m not getting an apology!

I’m 5 years older, and it’s always been do this and do that for me, while my little pampered sissy sat on her ass and ratted me out all the time. She always makes everything to be my fault, and parents NEVER question it, never even doubted their little princess. I’m always the troublemaker, and she’s a fucking saint. She was allowed to enjoy her childhood while I had two part-time jobs in high school, and yet I was the irresponsible one! My parents bought her a new car on her 17th birthday, while I’m still paying off my car loan with the help of my boyfriend. Dad pays all my sister’s bills up to this day, even though she is of age. I wouldn’t even dream to ask for money, I think it’s shameful. And they’re paying for her college – the one she chose, to become a bloody doctor. I was never given a chance to choose what I wanted. I can’t stand living in one house with her and seeing her fat face every day. I’m counting the days till February 2nd when I’ll be moving out to an apartment with my bf. Even though she knows I’ll be leaving soon, she still tries to make my life miserable. She takes my things all the time, without permission, and “forgets” to return them. She copycats all my ideas. I wanted to buy parents a new robot vacuum cleaner since their old one is dead. I suggested we buy it together and split the cost. She said she had other things in mind. The day before Christmas, she told me she hadn’t bought anything and begged me to give the vc from us both. In the end, she made it look like it was her idea and her gift! I’m done being honest with her! She uses everything I say against me and lies to people about me. She told my boyfriend I was childfree when he was at our house last month. He also said she was flirting with him behind my back. She always tried to do this with my friends at school too sucking up to them, then telling stories about me… She doesn’t even realize that other people see right through her lies. Not everyone is as blind as my parents! I suppose they’ll always let her have her way. But I’m done. I hope she never changes and keeps being her narcissistic little self, and no one will love her, except my parents. She deserves to be alone and suffering!

i don't know if i would do it one day, but just in case i need to write about the reasons i had to leave it's here.

it's gonna be long so not forcing anyone to read it's some notes for me first.

i'm a person who has creativity in lot of fields but i always lacked confidence to show what i can do, not saying i'm amazingly good but just pursuing my dreams is hard due to my fragile mind. tho the moment i started to believe in myself, i didn't have the shield to protect me from some people that can really destroy you by pure envy.

it would look like i'm blaming everything on others but actually if i never met them, or if i was less naive, my life would have been successful i'm really sure of that, and i'm never sure about anything.

everything started in 2017 when i met 3 abusive persons in a row. yes i use this word because it really affected my health and they are the reason of my s* thoughts.

the first one was a narcissist, i discovered this word with them, and had my first panic attacks since i let them try to step on me when i started being successful.

the second one was actually the person who was using me as a shield against the first person and i didn't realize, when she didn't need me anymore i discovered how vicious she was, she only cared for favors, when i wanted to stop friendship she harassed me online over a year. it caused me my depression i'm still stuck in and self harming.

i met the 3rd one during the harassement, i told her everything about my experience, and yet she was reproducing my fears, what was harder to let go it's because i thought we were sharing a special friend bond, but it was just mimicking, because the moment i said stop to the abuse, she reacted as if i always had been the issue and stole my trauma to lie online, i started to take antidepressants to avoid k*lling myself, she was definitely the worst.

idk what i'm doing wrong for repeating the cycle.

after this abuse tho luck started to show up, because i was focusing my work on me and not giving it to my abusers, so after hard work on creative fields i've been noticed for amazing opportunities, i started to grow in popularity, and i felt i was healing, but guess what, i have been suddenly harassed by jealous fans who spread lies on me, exactly the same kind as my abusers, crazy it's always by sabotage i'm losing. i lost absolutely everything after that because i had to close my business and i'm not contacted anymore despite the receipts of truth. i'm lucky most people defended me because they saw the reality but yet my chance had been robbed. i fell again in this dark place. and since that i don't know what to do

but then i notice i barely been respected my whole life so i'm really a dumbass.

first i've been conditioned by my emotionally immature mom, i only noticed after the depression that her behavior wasn't normal and maybe it's was coerced me into accepting disrespect. she never respects boundaries and don't take accountability, so since a young age i learned to apologize/adapt to others need. my sister is a cool person but i feel i don't really matter to her if it's not to serve some needs, like for example when i propose something to my family i get ignored unlike other members.

when i was in kindergarten, probably due to racism, i was excluded, bullied, but since they were a bigger group than me alone, professors never believed me. it never traumatized me but it definitely taught me to shut myself down.

in middle and high school i was around girls that only cared about superficiality, if you weren't doing everything that everyone else did you were not cool, so they treated me like i was less because i was true to myself, evicting me, never listening to me, and stopped inviting me the day 3 guys stole my phone, but i wasn't that sad because i knew they weren't real friends.

i met real friends at the adult age, because actually, it might sounds unserious but people that develops a frontal lobe got emotional intelligence and won't treat others in a way they wouldn't like.

people that met me always say they adore me but... when you adore a person are you not supposed to respect them and not use them? is the world selfish or am i not acting as i should?

but i feel i still let myself be a doormat to some people that are not "bad", like i notice with some friends of mine how the convo always revolves around them and i don't get the same interest when it's my turn, then i blame myself because it's probably because i made them think it has to be like that, but at the same time i have other friends who don't take advantage like that so why???

or some people asking me free favors because i never say no? like even tho it's my fault for no having boundaries, don't you have morals? some people copying my creations, others never letting me choose, it goes by little things like that i'm liked because i'm convenient, i bring to others, not for me.

i'm also tired of communicating my needs because it never changes, i'm tired i don't wanna fight for me, to be honest it's like i wait either for a miracle either to be hit by a bus i don't care i don't believe in anything anymore.

tomorrow it's my bday and it's the first time i chose to celebrate my day just by myself, because experiences showed me i deserved that. i never been honored the right way, either friendgroup forgetting, my mom ruining the event by not behaving well to others, having to make my day about other people ego centered choices etc.

what makes me sad is that i lost near 20years being stepped on, i don't belive i can win now. i have dreams but i can't because depression is sucking all my energy, it's making me have fears, it makes me be less in shape to be ready for efforts etc.

i wonder do i suck this much to have this life? is there an explanation?

I’m 25 with 2 kids and it seems like this past year has been all kinds of crazy.First I had met my fiancé then we got a house together soon after that he got locked up,After that things started to change his family has partially turned against me and the kids they don’t act like they want us around,there very rude and hateful towards us. There constantly getting mad when my family comes to visit they won’t talk to me an the kids they only contact me to see what they can find out to gossip about us,I have to depend on them for transportation because my vehicle has currently broke down they treat us anyway they want to because they know I will have to depend on them to get back an forth to places when they get mad they don’t talk to me when somebody tries to help me an the kids they get mad an try to start drama.There goal has been made known that they are wanting to take my kids and raise them instead of me(even though they don’t truly care about them.) it’s constant battles of them smarting off and being rude when they invite us to family gatherings they act like me and the kids aren’t wanted there his mother constantly tries to figure out ways to aggravate me so she can find reasons not to be around us or do anything for us if she can’t get her way by doing that she pouts (reminder she’s 50.) then when he calls her she is continuously telling him a bunch of lies so he would call an chew me out and cause problems between us even has my neighbors lieing on me. They hardly ever call or text to check on the kids unless they want to make there self look good infront of the other family members has went as far as turning some family members away from me and the kids.they constantly trash talk my kid that’s not from him calling her hard headed an that she don’t listen an telling everybody she’s wild.(she’s 4 years old.) her parents uphold her in her cheating on her husband and act like she dose no wrong. If we don’t do what they say then we’re no good to them.i continually try and try but the stress and aggervation just ain’t worth it for me to keep trying but yet if I don’t have some kind of contact with them then me an the kids don’t get to go anywhere.its just like no matter what we do were wrong if it’s not about them or helping them out,my soon to be mother in law pays people to help her clean her house I have cleaned her house for free an yet still don’t get a thank you she acts like she dosent even acknowledge it,when somebody else tries to help me an the kids were in the wrong cause there the only ones that’s supposed to help us apparently.im just emotionally an physically wore out.what should I do?how should I deal with this?

Good day everyone.

I really don't know what to do anymore, I am so tired.

I am a beautiful girl so I have been told plenty times by numerous people yet I don't see it or feel it.

I am skinny, not so bad skinny but skinny nevertheless. People always says I am too skinny and I need to add weight which I agree with.

But the moment someone says oh you have added weight I find myself doing relentless exercise.

My stomach flat but for me it's not enough, it can't get flatter than that but I still find myself critising.

My sister is on the bigger side, she doesn't have flat stomach but she doesn't care, she loves herself like that.

I moved to a new city to stay with my sister who is in college. The whole place different. I see girls ten times bigger than me yet they wear crop tops and smile happily.

I can't wear a crop top with thinking my stomach is big which is not.

I can't control these thoughts no matter how hard I try neither can I control the automatic exercise that follows. My sister says she will beat me up if she catches me doing exercise because I am already too skinny.

It's so bad I can't take pictures or do videos like other girls because I will watch that video or stare at the picture over and over again feeling like my hands are long, my legs are too skinny, I don't have flesh.

But the frustration is that the moment I add a little weight, food loses appeal and exercise is my new friend.

I want to add weight but I feel even if I did I won't still love the way I look.

How can I do stop this, I want to feel good and take picture without worrying or deleting them.

I just want to feel that I am beautiful, I am tired of hearing people say it and not believing it myself.

How do i do that? 😭