Hi all,
I’m trying to heal from relentless verbal bullying in high school, and so far the memories are taking over me. I’m in university now, and I have serious trust issues. I can’t trust anyone, I always expect them to gossip behind my back and talk crap about me. I haven’t made any new friends since September, it’s almost like in high school, minus the bullying. I feel like I’m invisible.
At high school there was this group of mean girls who chose me as their target. Every day insults were flying my way, I was called “an ugly slug” and “a spineless gorilla”. It was humiliating and I hated my existence. Initially I got pretty good grades, coming from a family of professors, and I was in good relationships with most boys in my class, until these bullies were transformed to us. They made the lives of many younger girls and boys hell, but in my class I was chosen as the worst enemy. And as I couldn’t stand up to them, the other boys began to avoid me too. They didn’t take part in bullying, because they sometimes copied my homework, but they never stood up for me. A whole class of silent watchers. I hate them all! Can’t help myself.
I can’t open up to any of my roommates, afraid they too will think I’m spineless. I don’t play sports like some cool guys on the campus, and I don’t have anything to offer. I wanted to take up some fighting sport, like box, but I showed up once and felt too weak to continue, even though the coach seemed friendly and knew I’m a freshman.
I just wish I could grow out of this feeling that I’m a total sucker… I hope those girls got what they deserved and are rotting in hell now.
