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GoldenHand
1y ago

question if my behavior is actually addictive

Hi guys, need your opinion. I’ve been playing poker since high school, and it's always been a big part of my life. I believe I’m a skilled player, I often win when I play with friends. In high school we played mostly for favors. In university I played for $ , often on the winning side. We used to have a core team of players and gathered one or twice a week, depending on how busy everyone was. It was just a fun way to pass the time and hang out with the guys. During the lockdowns, we played online, then returned to offline meetings in a local bar. Eventually the team I played with dissolved. Some grew out of it, others left town or became too busy with kids, etc. It happens. So I started going to a casino next to my office. I reserved Sunday for hanging out with my wife and doing the chores, so that’s settled. I spend a whole Saturday in the casino and one or two evenings during the week. Somehow, I find myself looking forward to spending more evenings there. The worst part is that I keep losing money. Either my luck is over, or I’ve found very skilled opponents. It rattles me, but poker has never been just about the money. I enjoy the thrill of the game. Won’t deny, previously I enjoyed winning. My wife didn't mind when I played with friends, but she's been getting super annoyed at me lately. She's upset that I'm losing money and that I’m “never at home”. Honestly, there’s no need to worry about our finances, I earn more than I can lose. Yet I think her concerns are starting to make me question my own behavior. I low-key wonder if I've become too invested in it... I have always prided myself on being in control, but now I'm not sure. Am I really addicted to poker? I used to think it’s just a hobby. Everyone has one? Have I crossed a line into something more serious? If anyone has been in a similar disarray, I’d really appreciate your thoughts. Curious to hear what others have to say.

Specialist answer
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Poker addiction isn't always easy to identify and there are many people out there who are losing money on regular basis.


  • The time it starts taking priority over more important things in your life is the cause to worry.


  • Notice how do you feel when you don't go one saturday for poker? how do you feel? do you feel restless? or say if you don't go for the entire week how do you feel? given a choice will you attend any other event on Saturday instead of poker or go out with your wife on Saturday instead of playing poker?


  • Do you experience an intense preoccupation with poker, constantly thinking about the game, strategies and past hands.


  • Do you feel guilty for spending your free time playing poker but not with your wife and unable to stop it even after feeling guilty.


  • The inability to step away or just stop playing on that day is the alarming sign you are addicted to poker.


  • Do you experience extreme emotion while losing


You need to take a break and see if you are addicted. Swap poker with some other activity which can give you the same thrill but is not harmful.

Ra
RadicalTruthAD
1y

May be straightforward, IMHO, if you are asking this, you probably already know that you’re either an addict or are in the early stages of becoming one. A hobby is a hobby when you can say no and opt for other things. If you find that you can’t do that, I advise you to take measures.

Ed
Edward
1y

Frankly speaking, I was about to comment that your hobby is harmless as long as you earn that much. Until I got to the part where you mention you’re married. Commitments are a serious thing, and the fact that you’re spending so much time away from your significant other may be problematic. The hobby in itself is not a problem, and something makes me think your wife is of the same opinion, since she wasn’t against your games when you were doing it with friends. In my opinion, an addiction forms when you begin to plan your life around your dependence, like in your case you’re spending always only Sunday together with your wife. If your hobby begins to take away from people that should be your priority, then I think it’s a problem.

copilot42
1y

Poker is always enjoyable when you’re winning. I place myself, once a week at most. I suppose you need to answer one question honestly: do you think you’re missing out on time with the person you love when you choose to go to the casino after work instead of going home? Any feelings of guilt? Do you obsess over future games? Are you unable to stop going there for a month or two? If you answer any or all of these question positively, I’d say you need counseling.

_w
_whatever
1y

Have you talked to your wife? Why she’s so upset with this new development. Sometimes the issue is not what it appears to be on the surface, and you playing poker may only be part of it

fo
forsakenEd
1y

I’d trust your gut more than internet strangers. If you feel you can’t control your desire to play , then the answer to your question is that you might have developed a gambling addiction. See if you can go back to playing with the people you know, and doing it less frequently.

Ma
Marnie
1y

In my experience, the line between being interested in something and being addicted to something is very thin. The test is simple: if it affects your relationship negatively, then don’t do it. You need to figure out whether poker can remain only a hobby, in that case you should be able to stop playing for a significant amount of time. It sounds like limiting time for playing doesn’t really work for you, as you want to spend more evenings playing. That’s a red flag to me. Perhaps you should talk to a therapist who specializes in gambling addictions, to be sure.

Go
GoldenHand
1y
Author

@_whatever No offense, mate, I really don’t feel like discussing specifically my family relationships. I only wonder if people think my hobby can be an addiction or not. Poker is a big part of my life, but I’ve never played in casinos before. My wife thinks you can never win at a casino...

_w
_whatever
1y

@GoldenHand No offense taken. I didn't mean to sound nosey.

Whether you’re winning or losing is not that important. You say yourself that money has never been the key factor for you. Can you avoid going to a casino and return to online playing? That way, you’ll spend more time at home with your partner.

Go
GoldenHand
1y
Author

@_whatever No way, I won’t go back to online poker. I never liked it even when playing with my friends. I enjoy holding real cards and talking to real people.

ti
tirelessWrestler
1y

Not an expert, but sounds like a minor addiction to me. As someone already suggested above, I strongly recommend you to take a break and see if your desire to play comes out of passion or if it’s a gambling addiction. If you can go home and enjoy your life for one-two months and then return to playing poker every once in a while only for the fun of it, then you’re good.

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