July 2022 was the year I decided to start doing things outside my comfort zone as an introvert, so it began with presenting more feminine and bar hopping. I brought two-tone wigs, revealing clothes and started wearing makeup. I began going on dates with people from media apps and was treated to tacos and margaritas every other day. Then, 2 weeks into August I met someone special. It was from that evening forward, August 17th, 2022, that my life would change in the most unexpected way.

It was half past 19:00 when I pulled up to a rooftop bar in my new, red and black two tone wig. I was dressed in all black; a cropped fishnet top with leather pants and eccentric punk makeup. I took a seat by the window and then… I saw him. My server. The man I briefly dated and the abuser who traumatised me. After placing a carafe of water at my table, he gave me a gentle smile and introduced himself. Post taking my order, I noticed his flirtatious expression in between passing, most to which I returned.

A few drinks later I worked up the courage to shoot my shot and asked for his number, after asking if he’d take a photo of me dining, both to which he surprisingly obliged. The next day we went on our first date. He picked me up at a nearby park early afternoon and we spent the evening getting to know one another over sushi and plum wine. Everything seemed fine at first but then his mask began to crack and before I knew it, the abuse began.

It started with the evening I initiated our relationship, August 24th, 2022, where we hopped bar after bar, and each time he’d force me to drink with him. It wasn’t long before my intoxication as he already had me drinking since 4pm; specifically Prosecco (11% alc.) and Geikkeikan Saké (15.6%). To spare details, once he noticed I was in a drunken stupor, he escorted me to his place and sexually assaulted me. To this day I have little to no recollection of the event; I only remember collapsing on the bed, wavering in and out of consciousness before passing out and coming to at the sight of him fastening his belt, telling me, “Come on, I have to take you home.”

It was that day moving forward this became a pattern; coercing me to drink until I’m drunk so he could assault me, but it didn’t stop there. I foolishly introduced him to my at the time best friend who he not only attempted to triangulate between us, but sexually harassed despite our protests and isolate me away from them and other members of support. Among trying to financially control me with encouragement to quit my at the time job and live with him, he simultaneously triangulated an at the time coworker of his. Whenever we were at bars, he’d blatantly flirt with other people. Additionally, he’d make racially insensitive about minorities despite being a minority himself.

Whenever I would hold him accountable for his inappropriate behaviour or inflammatory remarks, he’d gaslight me or play victim. He projected accusations of infidelity onto me despite cheating on me with his ex and several other people, then began badmouthing my loved ones. He’d purposefully arrange and cancel, deprive me of sleep, ignore text messages, violate my boundaries despite there being clear communication, and misgender me despite knowing I’m not a woman as he’s seen me without wigs and makeup.

Throughout all of the mistreatment I did my best to give him the benefit of the doubt because the moment I entered that “relationship”, I said to myself that I want to ensure I’m exercising all the proper avenues to ensure it works and that I’m practicing healthy communication. September 26th, 2022 was the day I had enough and blocked him on everything, effectively ending our relationship. At the time of us dating, for every “situation” that triggered me it was also communicated to a trusted loved one. September 26th is the day they spoke my truth on behalf of me. September 28th, 2022 is the day I came forth myself speaking my truth.

Not even a week later, I began finding myself descend into a state of despondency. I couldn’t get out of bed, I lost my appetite, I was impulsively spending to cope and I became incredibly isolated. Despite being fortunate enough to be met with support when coming out, it didn’t change I didn’t have a personal support system. I took legal action and spent the next 7-9 months fighting health complications and legal affairs. What made it hurt twice as worse is with coming out, several other people traumatised by my assailant approached me saying he did the same thing to me.

However throughout this time, I actively sought professional help. I chose sobriety, started volunteering, I picked up boxing, and dedicated the rest of my time to creating a better life for myself. Came September 22nd, 2023 I received justice in a way that felt good to me. Many of hardships have become a lot more manageable and I’m thankful for the connections I’ve built from them and are maintaining today. Now, it’s August 1st, 2024 and 2022 feels far away. I’ve been so preoccupied with continuously practicing kindness, self love and restoring my health that I sometimes forget that entire ordeal happened. August 2022 was a terrible period in my life that could’ve actually killed me, but I’m so glad to have survived and came out stronger.

My assailant traumatised the ever loving hell out of me, but he traumatised me so badly it made me want to get my shit together. Sometimes I never know whether to hate him or thank him, but I generally feel indifferent. While he’s a covert narcissist and they rarely never change, that doesn’t mean I can’t continue to change myself.

I am filled with guilt and regret for allowing this to happen. This boy had been acting really creepy towards me for several months. Despite this, I chose to ignore his peculiar actions in hopes that they would eventually stop. Unfortunately, they did not, and here we are today. He has apologized and expects me to forgive him, but simply saying sorry does not make up for what he did. When I asked him to stop, even cried, he persisted with his inappropriate jokes and sexual comments I cannot bring myself to tell my parents because I fear they will blame me for the situation. Despite knowing that it is not my fault, I still feel responsible for what happened.

Hey so im 15 years old and l probably shouldnt be on here but l just need help and i dont know where i am supposed to get it...lets start with i am not allowed to date but my neighbour (19year old male) convinced me into being with him... it didnt seem wrong at the time well up until he started pressuring me to have sexual intercoarse with him...and even tho l refused he still managed to force me into it. Whenever l tried to dump him he woukd threaten to tell my parents that l am with him and that we had sex. I did end up breaking up with him and even tho it took sometime.. he left me alone but l feel soo guilty and this is haunting me.. i just need some advice

I am 35yo and married for last 5 years. But my husband never consummated our marriage. He says that the fact that I was not a virgin disturbs him and he cannot have intercourse with me. I have tried my best in the last 5 years to get past this and also suppress my desires. But very recently I started to talk to one guy from office via TEAMS MEET. We first started chatting and became good friends, then chats became video calls and we started falling for each other. We understood each other so well. But then he is 10 yrs younger to me and I am married, so we kind of fell apart. We are still in touch, still in love. We never met each other. But we are very highly sexually attracted to each other even now. Even after not being in touch for so long. I love my husband but the way I love my friend is different. I am so confused. I don't know what to do anymore. All I want to do is meet my friend and love him like I never loved anyone. Having such desires after being married is wrong. But I am not able to take my feelings and my desires out of my heart and mind.