I am 20 years female , and I am in my 4th sem , I wear a burkha and a mask and from this sem , all have to attend classes for 75% attendance with proper uniforms that is shirts and pants , I am fat overweight girl I have to attend classes but thisy fucking anxiety don't make me to do it. I am ready to attend classes in uniforms but I am scared that what if someone make fun of me , I have no friends , no one sits beside me and without maks I will be so uncomfortable because of my anxiety , the anxious persons makes so weird awkward expressions and I am scared that what if someone saw this , that's the reason I wear a mask, I am trying my best to be regular but end up in sitting at libraries. My appearance already highlights me in my class and all the prof have an eye on me. My parents thinks I am attending my classes regularly.
I know everyone will tell it's all in my head , but it looks very hard to believe this. All students in my class are so confident, I am an only muslim girl in my class. I am already a year back students. I am really really fed up of life , myself. It's getting so hard for me.I am thinking to change my department but no one will gonna take me now , and my department's will not gonna give me tc. I was ready to attend classes today but I got late.
To whom I am telling this fucking issue , they are telling, it's ok , nothing will happen , at least you should go , I know they are not telling wrong , but if it was that easy for me I would have done it few days before , they will all not gonna know until they have experience it. Due to this I have constant anxiety in my mind , I can't sit at least for 2 minutes peacefully , whenever I try to relax or sit , I recall how should I do it before , I should have attended classes from starting , now what will gonna happen , if they saw my anxiety , I just don't want to look anxious in front of my class , don't want to get insulted , I wish I could go in the past...
I am fed up. I am fed up 😔
