Life feels so hard for me. I can't find peace anytime. I’m not attending classes properly, always running here and there to avoid people due to social anxiety. I haven't made any friends, and those who want to be friends with me, I don’t like them. At home, arguments happen every 3 to 4 days between my parents over small things.
My sister and I have no one except our parents. Our relatives are toxic; they always comment on us because our parents don’t have a son. I’m sure my parents also think about it, even if they don’t show it. All our relatives believe that having a son is like having a treasure for the future because he will take care of his parents when they get old, while daughters move on after marriage.
It makes me feel bad for my parents because all their relatives have sons, but they don’t. I can see that my father has to handle a lot—managing his business, looking after my mother, my sister, and me. Yet, we haven’t made them happy even once. We haven’t achieved anything in life. My sister and I are just average in studies. She is also shy and doesn’t talk much.
We don’t talk openly to our father because we are shy. I have social anxiety.
I feel like a burden to them. I wish the Almighty had made me a boy.
My grandmother is extremely toxic. She always speaks badly about me, my sister, my mom, and even sometimes about her own son. She doesn’t like us. She loves her grandsons more than herself, spending thousands of rupees on them. We don’t want her money, but my uncles are stealing my father’s hard-earned money. They have more sources of income than us, yet it’s still not enough for them. My grandmother wants my father’s business to go to her grandsons.
We haven’t even been able to build a comfortable home for ourselves, while all our relatives have their own comfortable houses and bungalows.
Sometimes, I wish I was never born or that I had been a boy.
I used to think that one day, I would get so educated that all my relatives would be silenced. But now, I have lost all my focus on studies.
Everyone else seems so happy in their lives, so why can’t we? We are all under so much stress.
