Lately, I've been feeling off. Sometimes I notice changes in my behavior—I'll feel different, like I'm not myself. I experience bouts of depression, stress, fatigue, and disinterest in things that used to excite me. It's like a mix of negative emotions swirling around inside me. I've become more emotionally fragile too; even small things can set me off, making me cry easily.
At home, it's tough. My parents constantly put me down, telling me I'm worthless, the worst person ever, and comparing me to everyone else. They expect perfection in everything I do, but no matter how much they criticize and pressure me, I seem to do worse than before. It's like a never-ending cycle of abuse. I hear more than ten insults (mostly abuses)every single day, and it's become almost normal for me to endure this verbal on slaught. But lately, even the slightest hint of criticism or yelling makes me break down in tears.
My emotions are all over the place. I struggle to feel love and happiness most of the time. My days are filled with sadness, frustration, intense anger, tears, and moments where I just feel numb. It's like I'm stuck in this whirlwind of negativity, and I don't know how to break free. I've tried everything to cope with what's going on, really. I've read up on how to reprogram my mind, tried to change my thinking patterns, but nothing seems to stick. It's like life keeps throwing insults at me, non-stop. Sometimes, I get so angry that I end up pushing away even the people who care about me. I just isolate myself and avoid talking to anyone.
Getting out of this negative cycle feels impossible. Even though my long-distance boyfriend loves me and tries his best to take care of me, I'm starting to doubt my own feelings for him. It's like my emotions are all over the place, and I don't know what to do.
Every day brings its own set of crazy situations. Whenever someone hears the full story of what I go through with my parents, they just shake their heads and say my parents must be mentally ill or something. I try to keep my distance from them, but it doesn't seem to help. Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep forever or go deaf so I wouldn't have to hear their voices anymore. I'm getting more and more irritated, and I can't stand the sound of their voices.
Being human, we're greatly influenced by our environment. It's like they say, if you're surrounded by animals, you might start acting like one too. For me, it's like living in a world of constant negativity and abuse. My self-esteem is at an all-time low, and I have little to no confidence in myself. I get really anxious around other people, and social situations make me extremely uncomfortable.
To make things even harder, I've been stuck at home for the past six years with no chance to travel or experience anything new. My life revolves around enduring these abuses, going to school, and then back home, day in and day out. It feels like there's no escape from this cycle of negativity.
Hi, Jiya! I remember your previous post. Has nothing changed for the better in your family situation? I'm glad to hear you've got a boyfriend now.
The only thing proven to be effective against depression are antidepressants. They won’t magically solve all the problems, but they’ll level you out so that you don’t feel very low. Sadness and tiredness won’t be dominant in your life anymore, which will allow you to cope with other matters that are causing you so many worries. I’d encourage you to research the effectiveness of medication and all the positive stories.
This maybe a strange question, but how old are you? Are you old enough to visit a gynecologist?
I had my feelings all over the place, like you say. Then I visited my gynecologist, and after I started taking hormonal birth control, they keep me baseline. No more extreme outbursts or unexplainable sadness. On second thought, you can actually simply start with doing some basic checkups to see what’s with your hormonal levels. I think any doctor can prescribe those. Don’t give up!
Hi, your emotional state very much sounds like emotional dysregulation. I’m dealing with this too, and dialectical behavioral therapy has helped me quite a lot. It was actually here that I was advised to try DBT, so am passing on the knowledge! :)
@Irene melly
Yea nothing changed from family side.... I'm nervous 😓 for coming month also.