If it’s anything anyone should know about me it’s that I don’t feel the need to get my “lick back” after I’ve been wronged by a friend or in a relationship, I refocus my attention on growth and better myself, for myself before the next person. Recognising a lot of people are unhappy and lack the capacity to experience self-awareness, trying to “get even” with someone who doesn’t love themselves enough to pursue healthier connections does nothing for me. I’ll process that pain and transform it into an energy I can use to keep me motivated; prosperities such as love and compassion.
For 7 months, this 37 almost 38 year old man played in my face. I communicated my intentions with him were to establish a longterm relationship after I reached a level of physical, mental and emotional safety with him and he agreed. For 7 months, from August 18th, 2023 until I cut him off in March, we’ve been on and off because his communication was unclear and inconsistent. He took advantage of my kindness and willingness to accommodate his situation because I understood his circumstances. I sacrificed opportunities to help with some of his struggle.
I’ve been nothing but patient, understanding and communicative all the while barely receiving the bare minimum. I’ve continuously vocalised my concerns, attempted to initiate discussions, respected his boundaries, create open lines of communication while leaving space for understanding, and so much more only for it to be shut down, disregarded or outright ignored. Because I love myself enough to honour the boundaries I have, I stepped away from the “relationship.”
Now that I’ve disconnected and am receiving better he’s blowing up my phone. He’s trying to love bomb me again and is feigning hurt even though he was clearly unserious about establishing anything. I’ve assertively informed him we should see other people and that struck a CHORD in him. Every time I block his number he texts me from a Google Voice line but ignoring his muted conversation, it’s spamming my notifications. While I don’t regret any of the kindness and compassion I’ve showed him, I want him to leave me ALONE before I file a SNCO.
The lack of emotional safety and fatigue I felt in his presence was all the indication I needed alone to discern it wouldn’t work, but I give people the benefit of the doubt because I never want to assume someone is purposefully being malicious. He’s hurt me to get back at me for the first few times I’ve blocked him, but no part of me wants to get back at him. He’s going through enough as is, all I care to do is better myself and tackle what I’VE got going on. I’m turning 25 in a little less than a month, I’m not going back and forth with a grown ass man.
