Hi all,
I’m trying to heal from relentless verbal bullying in high school, and so far the memories are taking over me. I’m in university now, and I have serious trust issues. I can’t trust anyone, I always expect them to gossip behind my back and talk crap about me. I haven’t made any new friends since September, it’s almost like in high school, minus the bullying. I feel like I’m invisible.
At high school there was this group of mean girls who chose me as their target. Every day insults were flying my way, I was called “an ugly slug” and “a spineless gorilla”. It was humiliating and I hated my existence. Initially I got pretty good grades, coming from a family of professors, and I was in good relationships with most boys in my class, until these bullies were transformed to us. They made the lives of many younger girls and boys hell, but in my class I was chosen as the worst enemy. And as I couldn’t stand up to them, the other boys began to avoid me too. They didn’t take part in bullying, because they sometimes copied my homework, but they never stood up for me. A whole class of silent watchers. I hate them all! Can’t help myself.
I can’t open up to any of my roommates, afraid they too will think I’m spineless. I don’t play sports like some cool guys on the campus, and I don’t have anything to offer. I wanted to take up some fighting sport, like box, but I showed up once and felt too weak to continue, even though the coach seemed friendly and knew I’m a freshman.
I just wish I could grow out of this feeling that I’m a total sucker… I hope those girls got what they deserved and are rotting in hell now.
Hello!
Losing our way is natural and it can happen to anyone of us. However, in order to make this happen less often you need to be in connection with yourself, because all answers to your questions are already inside you. One of the reasons why we feel disconnected from ourselves and our inner world is because we tend to listen to other people more often than to ourselves. Another reason is an endless flow of information, which is flooding us every day. In order to reestablish connection with yourself and your true desires, you need to have digital-detox in the first place.
Try to spend at least half a day without surfing the Net and you will feel the changes in no time. Second, you can practice meditations to clear your mind. Do it two times a day – in the morning when you wake up and in the evening before going to bed. You can find useful videos on YouTube. Keep in mind: this is your life and only you can make decisions about what you should do. Don’t be afraid of taking risks and trying something new. Time flies and it’s up to you to spend it your way, either waiting passively until everything improves by itself or taking actions. Good luck to you!