It seems to me something’s missing in your life. I can’t tell you what it is, and am not trying to give advice here. I think everyone has different needs, even monks and deeply religious people. Perhaps you should try new things, search for hobbies or some skill that will add to your life. I suppose one can surround themselves with social intentions that don’t involve passion and attachment.
My only unsolicited advice will be: steer clear from moving towards alcohol. I can speak this from personal experience that drinks never help solve any problem, they only drive the nail deeper into the coffin.
Is acceptance of solitude absolutely necessary for your spiritual practice?
I don’t know where you were and what your life was like in a monastery, I can only guess that if there was next to no socializing and then you returned home where your environment is completely different, it should feel overwhelming. The good part is that we humans are adaptable. Give yourself some time and sit with your feelings with patience and self-forgiveness. You’re your own best friend, and in due time you may learn to rejoice in all your states of mind, without any strong emotions rising.
@Kris K. I love solitude, and I think it should be distinguished from the feeling of loneliness. I’ve spent most of my life in solitude, and I have no problem being by myself. I can spend days without people, and without my phone or computer. I enjoy wandering in nature, and even in a big city with millions of people, I’m mostly with myself and my own thoughts. So I don’t mind solitude at all… What I’m talking about is a different thing. I’m longing for companionship, a feeling of being loved. I avoid deep emotional connections, right now I have them with no one. When I was in Asia in that secluded place, loneliness was praised and it felt right. It felt like peace, I felt fulfilled. That feeling is gradually fading away, and I’m worried I’ll slide back into emptiness again. I tried to hold in my mind all that I’ve learned, I’ve meditated every day since I returned home. But this inner unsatisfaction with my life is growing again. I’m so afraid it will consume me...
@nonviolence Hmm. Well, I don’t feel deep emotional connection with most people too, but I do have a few close friends and a boyfriend, and I don’t think that my connection with them includes clinging or any kind of unhealthy co-dependency. That’s why I can’t agree that it is a necessary part of any connection.
Perhaps you shouldn’t resist developing emotional connections, but only be careful who you develop it with? What if your need is not a problem at all, only an opportunity for self-study?
You should find people who share your values and your desired way of life, my friend. You don’t need to go that far away, you can find like-minded people in your area. Life is meant to be lived, and you’re trying to rationalize it. It will bring no results. Find your people, those who believe in the same things, and your loneliness will be shared, if you understand what I mean.
@the scholar Thank you, I like this attitude. I’ve thought about it, and I’m interested in other people’s experiences. I think it’s acceptable to share your life with someone when you’re both choosing the same path
Loneliness is a universal feeling experienced worldwide. Even in the company of others, one may sense isolation, as no one can truly grasp the full range of emotions we undergo. Based on your appreciation for solitude, I suggest that being alone itself is not a problem. It's wonderful that you had this new experience at a Buddhist monastery, discovering how solitude can be pleasant and peaceful.
However, as social beings, it's natural for us to crave emotional connections. In a society where social media and constant connectivity are deeply ingrained, loneliness can be especially challenging. Drawing from your monastery experience, perhaps it can be useful to find some moments during a day for silent reflection, revisiting those memories or contemplating the lessons learned. Engaging in practices or meditations from that time while sitting with your feelings might help you recall that peaceful state and continue practicing accepting loneliness.
Fully experiencing our emotions instead of pushing them away allows us to understand our current needs. Apart from meditation, it can be done through creative outlets like drawing, singing, writing, dancing, etc. Sometimes simply letting the feeling be there without judgment allows it to gradually pass on its own.
Reflecting on your needs and exploring different ways to fulfill them is also beneficial. For example, if there's a need for belonging or connecting, activities like reading books on related topics, creating or appreciating art or joining groups with shared interests can help. Besides, it's important to consider what matters most for you in relationships. Is it being heard, receiving support, sharing ideas, engaging in meaningful talks, enjoying leisure time together? Do you prefer a few close friends or a large social circle? One-on-one or group settings? Answering these questions can help finding the right environment to establish new connections.
Hi,
I just want to help you here. i do not want to offer any advice but i want you to help yourself. Craving for companionship is a natural instinct as a human. Human's were built to need each other. but what is important is you need to find out the reason you need companionship.There could be various reasons which you need to ponder like:
you need somebody to keep you entertained,
you need somebody to listen to you,
you may need validation from someone who approves everything for you to make a decision,
insecurity or low self esteem because of your past makes it difficult for you to be lonely so you want companionship
or the fear of past which makes you difficult to be attached to someone.
You just need to understand why do you want friendship. once you know that it gets easier to get a clarity of how you want to conduct, interact with people without clinging and attachments.