For years I’ve had people accuse me of being hyper independent and because I didn’t know any better at the time, I accepted and attached the label onto myself. It’s only as of recent with shifting into a more secure attachment style and actively reflecting I realise I’m not, I’m ACTUALLY self reliant and people dislike that.
Someone who’s TRULY hyper independent won’t ask for help regardless of how badly they need it. Whether it’s pride or shame, insecurity or other, hyper independent people will refuse support. I’m NOT hyper independent because I have no problem asking for help, and any time I’ve refused help it wasn’t because I felt ashamed, insecure or felt undeserving.
I am the only person with the power to change the circumstances of my situation and recognising the type of support I need can’t be received outside of professional resources, that’s why I choose not to request help. Additionally, it makes no sense to ask for help from people who can’t even help themselves. Expecting others to show up for me when they can’t show up for themselves is counterproductive.
The same way people will accuse you of “isolating” when you’re actually holding space with yourself, they’ll label you hyper independent for being self reliant. There’s a difference between isolating and holding space with yourself the same way there’s a difference between being hyper independent and self reliant.
I appreciate when I’m offered help and will accept it if it’s something that’ll actually improve my situation, however if it’s trivial and won’t provide much solace then it feels unnecessary. I know my situation better than anyone and it pisses me off when I share a fraction of my hardships and people automatically assume I’m declining help because of “hyper independence.”
Not all help is good help and that’s something that isn’t discussed enough. If I allow someone to help me, it’s because I trust them and their ability to follow through with what I’m trying to situate. Accepting help from someone who’s never experienced my situation creates the opportunity for needless conflict and I don’t need anymore problems than I already have.
If being self sufficient means I’ll be perceived as hyper independent by others then fuck it.
