It's incredibly brave of you to acknowledge your past mistakes and seek ways to move forward. It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it's a part of being human. The fact that you're willing to reflect on these mistakes and learn from them shows a lot of strength and maturity. One step towards self-forgiveness is recognizing the progress you've made since those mistakes. You've gone back to school and worked hard to rebuild your life. That's a significant achievement.
@nancy b. I agree. It's also helpful to remind yourself that making mistakes doesn't define your worth as a person. You have the capacity to grow and change. Consider what you've learned from these experiences and how they've shaped who you are today. It's okay to work towards rebuilding relationships and trust with others. Show yourself the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. You deserve to move forward and create a fulfilling life for yourself, free from the weight of past mistakes.
@nancy b. thank you for saying that. It means a lot to hear that someone believes in me. I guess I have been too focused on what I haven't achieved rather than what I have. But it's hard not to think about the mistakes, especially when they still affect my life today. The debt from my failed business , and I still don't know how to rebuild the relationships I damaged. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I can't escape the consequences of my past. I often think about my best friend who stopped talking to me. I miss them every day, and I regret breaking their trust. It feels like a wound that never heals. I have thought about seeing a therapist, but I'm scared it'll just bring up more pain. What if I can't handle it? What if it makes things worse? I want to believe that I can change and be better, but it's hard to see a way out when the past feels so heavy. I appreciate your advice and your kindness. It gives me a little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to forgive myself and move forward.
@markspearlie279 thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I really appreciate you taking the time to offer some advice and reassurance. I know logically that making mistakes doesn't define my worth, but emotionally, it's a different story. How do you start believing that you deserve kindness and compassion when you've spent so long feeling like you've let everyone down? I've tried to reflect on what I've learned from my past, but often it feels like I'm just reliving the pain and regret. How do you balance acknowledging the lessons without getting overwhelmed by the negative emotions? I want to rebuild my relationships, but I'm afraid that the people I've hurt won't give me another chance. How can I approach them without seeming insincere or just opening old wounds. When you mentioned showing myself the same kindness I'd offer to a friend, it struck a chord. I realize I’m much harsher on myself than I would be on anyone else. But how do you change that internal dialogue and genuinely start to feel that compassion internally?
@John John, it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed by the weight of past mistakes. I think it’s important to remember that forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that takes time and patience. You're already on the right path by acknowledging your feelings and being open to change. About your best friend, have you ever thought about reaching out to them? Sometimes, simply expressing your regret and taking responsibility for your actions can open the door to healing, even if it doesn’t immediately mend the relationship. People can be more understanding than we give them credit for. As for therapy, I understand your fears. But think of it as a safe space where you can unpack your feelings without judgment. A good therapist will help you navigate your pain at a pace that feels manageable for you Keep holding on to that hope, John. It’s the first spark that will light your path to self-forgiveness.
@nancy b. your words are comforting. They give me a sense of calm, even if just for a moment. I have thought about reaching out to my friend many times, but every time I pick up the phone, I freeze. What if they don’t want to hear from me? What if I just make things worse? The fear of rejection is paralyzing. It’s like there’s a wall between who I am now and who I want to be, and I don’t know how to break it down. I know you’re right about therapy. I guess I’ve been avoiding it because I’m afraid of facing my feelings head-on. But maybe it’s time to try. Maybe it’s time to stop running and start confronting these feelings. I’ve always focused on the big picture, and it’s often overwhelming. Maybe I need to learn to appreciate the baby steps. It’s just hard when the past feels like a constant shadow. But your belief in me is encouraging. Nancy, can I ask how you’ve managed to cope with difficult times in your own life?
@John First, it's important to understand that changing your internal dialogue takes time and practice. I started by recognizing when I was being overly critical of myself. Every time I noticed a negative thought, I'd stop and ask myself if I would say that to a friend. If the answer was no, I'd try to reframe it in a more compassionate way. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm such a failure for making that mistake," I'd tell myself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't define who I am. I can learn from this and do better next time."
When it comes to rebuilding relationships, it's crucial to approach the people you've hurt with genuine remorse and a willingness to make amends. You might be surprised at how open people can be to forgiveness when they see that you're sincere in your efforts to change. Start by acknowledging the pain you caused and expressing your regret. Be honest about your desire to make things right and ask if there's anything you can do to help rebuild the trust. It's also important to give people space and time to process their feelings. Sometimes, they may not be ready to forgive right away, and that's okay.
@John John, your honesty and willingness to face these challenging emotions are already a sign of strength. It's okay to feel scared. Fear is a natural part of the human experience, especially when it comes to confronting our deepest regrets and vulnerabilities. I’ve been through some difficult times myself, and what helped me most was allowing myself to feel those emotions without judgment. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. One thing that really helped me was writing letters to people I felt I had wronged. By the way, some of them I’d never send. It allowed me to express my feelings and regrets in a safe space. Sometimes, just getting those words out of your head can be veryyy liberating. Therapy can be a powerful tool in this process as well.
dropping out of college was a big decision, but it's not the end of the world. many people have succeeded without a degree. starting a business and failing is a learning experience, not a life sentence. debt can be managed, it just takes time and effort. breaking someone's trust is hard, but people can forgive if you show you've changed. you went back to school and got your degree, that's huge. playing catch-up is normal, everyone feels that way at some point. your career isn't where you imagined it would be, so what? most people change careers multiple times. you're trying to prove yourself, but to whom? focus on your own goals, not others' expectations. you didn't waste opportunities, you learned from them. feeling like a bad person because of past mistakes is common, but it's not productive. insecurity and thinking everyone is against you is a mindset you can change. avoiding situations because of fear of mistakes means you're missing out on growth. avoiding people because of fear of failure is isolating you. you don't want to live like this, so take some action.
@markspearlie279 thank you for sharing your experience. It's comforting to know that changing this internal dialogue is possible, even if it takes time. I've tried to catch myself when I'm being overly critical, but sometimes it feels like the negative thoughts are so ingrained that I don't even notice them until it's too late. The idea of reframing those thoughts is something I need to work on more consistently. Maybe keeping a journal could help me too. I often focus so much on my failures that I forget about any progress I've made. Rebuilding relationships is something that terrifies me. I worry that people will see my attempts to make amends as insincere or that I'll just end up hurting them again. I want to be honest about my regrets and my desire to change, but I'm not sure how to start those conversations. What if they don't want to hear from me? What if I've done too much damage to repair?
Hi,
Sometimes it is easier to forgive others than forgive ourselves.
It is required that you have empathy for yourself. Accepting, acknowledging your mistakes, regretting it is a huge step towards forgiving yourself but that wont happen till you don't empathise with yourself. If you constantly look at yourself in a negative way saying i am a bad person or i will fail them again or i am scared of failing then you will be stuck in the negative loop. It is important you write down these negative thoughts and see how can you rewrite this into positive. Like when you say i am a bad person because i damaged the relationship. now if you want to rewrite you need to first question yourself yes i damaged the relationship but have i not learnt from it and accepted my mistake then am i still bad or how am i still bad. so now you would say i am good person because i accepted my mistake and learnt from it. Keep repeating to yourself these positive statements. Let it set in your subconscious mind. Train your mind to be positive.
You could also try repairing the damage by apologising to your best friend. This would make you feel lighter. try reaching back to people who cared for you. it is in your hands to fix this and move on.
You should also need to understand and write down why did you behave in that way in the past, what triggered you to behave like that and how have you evolved as a person now, what changes do you see in yourself, what made you realise that you did a mistake and write down steps of now how are you planning to move forward. stick to that. I know it is difficult to move past this easily. it would take time so just feel, accept your emotions. start paying attention to things you are doing and start learning from it than ridiculing yourself. Every time you turn negative start repeating to yourself its okie i am on the right path. i have not hurt anyone.