I’m in such a weird situation! Seven weeks ago, I gave birth to my firstborn. It’s a long-awaited baby, I’ve been trying to get pregnant for five years and was in the final stages of preparing for IFV, when I met this young man and fell in love for a short while. I knew he was not ready for a family from day one when we were playing board games and the only association he had with “nuptials” was “trap”. But he seemed such an asset, 25 y.o., handsome and healthy. I fell for his genes more than for his character. His mother is a superb woman, and she likes me despite the fact that I’m 8 years older than her son. We can come visit her, and I’ll spend more time talking to her than my partner. When I found out I was pregnant, I told my partner, and then I texted my mother and his mother. Their reaction was overwhelmingly positive, and that somewhat brightened up my partner’s reaction, who simply said, “What? It can’t be”, then looked at my test and went out to the supermarket. I wasn’t waiting for flowers and a cake, of course, but it was dispiriting to see that he was shaken and… afraid? Perhaps I should feel guilty that I used him for my own purpose. Then again, I assured him I wouldn’t need his financial support if he didn’t want to get involved. His mother was very enthusiastic, she patronized me throughout my pregnancy like no one else. I think she even beat my doctor! Honestly, it was nice, and I appreciate it!

I’ll try to keep this short. We stayed together during all my pregnancy. Only I was ecstatic about it, while my partner was just there, perhaps thanks to his mother. My daughter was born a healthy girl, with curly blond hair and gray eyes, while both me and my partner have dark hair and dark eyes. The first thing my partner said when he saw her was she wasn’t his. I was shocked to the point where I couldn’t even argue. I stood there next to his mother and my dad and could cry for the hopelessness of it all. The doctor explained to us that sometimes babies are born with lighter hair, which will change later in life. Even the colour of their eyes may turn from gray to hazel. Thanks God my partner’s mother has grey eyes, so he didn’t focus too much on that at least. He insisted on a paternity test and moved out to live with his mother until we got the results. I suppose the only thing I felt back then was emptiness. It wasn’t even disappointment, I was past that stage during my pregnancy. Anyway, the test showed he was the father (obviously!). His mother, who had been very neutral during all those nervous days, changed her tone and was nice and caring again. She came to help me with the newborn, and two weeks later my partner said he was ready to move in again. We live under one roof again, and we live like neighbors. I don’t know why he’s even doing it. He wasn’t excited about becoming a father in the first place. I was ready to bear this alone, and I still am, but I value all the attention my partner’s mother has shown to me and my daughter. Is it selfish that I don’t want to lose it? I don’t know whether I want to keep living together with her son, there’s nothing between us. I need a grandmother for my daughter more than a father, it’s so ridiculous.