Every now and then I experience loneliness. I have so many people that consider me a friend but I don’t consider anyone mine. Why? Because being acquainted with someone for a certain period of time doesn’t make you “friends”, knowing them as a person does. And that’s just the thing, not many people know me as a person. Being a content creator, they either see me as my platform or a means to “clout.”
I have no shame in admitting I get lonely on occasion and that loneliness stems from lack of safe and authentic connections. Finding and maintaining friends as an adult shouldn’t be as difficult as it is but with time comes outgrowing people, maturing and other life changes. While I do my best to remain social, every time I attempt to befriend someone they say or do something to show why I’m right to hold space with myself or isolate.
I’m so tired of having to disassociate with people because they get exposed for doing something predatory, abusive, or indecent. It’s very genuinely fucking exhausting, especially as a content creator because when I want to collaborate with others, there’s always hesitation. Even with research you never really know who you’re interacting with and the last thing I want to do is unintentionally provide supply to a predator and unknowingly endanger my audience.
In or outside the realm of content creation, this is a persistent frustration that’s overall left me feeling safer keeping to myself, minding my business and focusing on my priorities. I want to have friends I can trust and cultivate a healthy relationship that’s fulfilling for both parties, but there’s way too many weirdos that make me wary of everything.
