Trauma being understandable doesn’t make mistreatment of others acceptable. Many of us have traumatic pasts (or experiences) but don’t use them as excuses to justify toxic behaviours. Experiencing trauma isn’t your fault, but recovering is your responsibility. This is something I have to constantly remind myself of because my understanding of others’ hardships often leads to allowing their mistreatment toward me. I don’t take much personal and try not to assume someone’s purposefully being malicious, but that doesn’t excuse certain actions.
Day before yesterday I did it, I FINALLY did it. After 7 months, I walked away from the emotionally exhausting relationship I nearly tried to “salvage” with my former romantic interest. After months of internal conflict; heart and mind clashing, I was able to receive closure in a way that provided clarity and made disconnecting easier. I was overextending myself to accommodate his situation because I relate his circumstances, but it became apparent my efforts weren’t appreciated.
Unclear and improper communication, inconsistency and lack of respect for my time, complete disregard for my emotional safety and refusal to be emotionally vulnerable, etc. I’m not going back and forth with a 37 almost 38 year old as a 24 year old, I refuse. I don’t think he’s a bad person but he’s not where he needs to be and that’s the issue. His inability to properly show up for himself was impacting the relationship and I stepped away to let him situate his priorities. I care for him, but not at the expense of my wellbeing and boundaries.
Being able to safely remove myself from the situation is a blessing but I feel indifferent. In my mind I know I did the right thing but my heart hurts like hell because I really wanted things to work. While choosing to be self and career-focused moving forward, whether I end up with next, I want to have the same desire to better themselves from whatever hardships they’ve faced.
