Where do I even begin..

For years I wondered why am I so different,only to find out on my own during a tiktok that hey you might have ADHD combined..I come from a strict religious family where mental health is looked down upon,that if you suffering with anything pray and it will go away.but it's not at a point where that isn't enough.im stuck in a house of toxicity where I'm beginning to feel more and more overwhelmed.at first I just thought it's my personality,until it started spilling into my personal life,that I've been unemployed for so long as my ADHD seems to get worst and worst,I can't go to a doc to get diagnosed as I got helicopter parents and I'm a introvert.they will disown because they feel it is spirits and not a real problem.ive never felt so stuck in my entire life.im always the one they look to for all help,any problem they throw it on me,when I have issues I got no one, because I don't get heard.i get shunned away.that now it's got to a dangerous point.where it's bubbling ,all the emotions.i got no friends,not one,all the friends use me,and when I speak out and set boundaries they leave.i got no other fam, besides my immediate in which they only add and add to my plate.i struggle to find work as my ADHD is at a bad place.i haven't been diagnosed by a doc but I know 99 percent I got it.i can't organize to save my life,I struggle to focus,I can't sit still,I talk alot,I hyperfocus,I struggle to remember or pay attention to people talking or detail.i want out so bad..out of this house ..so I can be alone.just to think and feel and be me,I have no identity away from my parents.they always around,I got no rships in any form because they always in my life making decisions for me.when I try speak up about it,I get guilt tripped or get religious stuff thrown in my face.i am a very loveable and good hearted person but now it's at the point of my mental health,I have even through of suicide.because I feel cornered.i got nobody and nothing,I am very independent but can't find work because of this ADHD.i can't even be on medication because my parents don't believe in that,I tried other pain tabs,cannabis and nothing works.i just want to feel human,I feel like a robot instead,my brain never switches off,I struggle to sleep.i feel like I don't own my life..my parents are my life,I'm 27 and feel 10.they decide it all for me.ive never had people just be there for me in my life they always use me,or take advantage or better yet get close to me to spread gossip and my story to other people.i feel all alone...I'm tired of the arguments in my house,it's taking a toll on me,mentally even physically I've been getting sicker and sicker and they don't even see or shrug it off.im so confused,lost,depressed,in a bad space.i feel trapped in my room.waiting,but waiting for what? When I know no one's coming to my rescue..been currently unemployed I can't even buy stuff, everything is money,so that adds because now my parents pressure me.yet I'm at breaking point mentally,even if I had to start work I'd probably commit suicide or get fired after a day.. because my mental is at such a fragile place.idk how much more I can take till I break...I see others my age,get married,have boyfriends,go out on vacations,go to the mall and I hate myself more and more,I hate social media because it just reminds me of how bad I am in my situation.i never had a easy life,my childhood was worst.and I hate to be a victim or look for sympathy so I've bottled it in for years,and I guess this is the result of years of trauma.now I find comfort in been alone..I just want quiet and peace.but instead I get overwhelmed...I've never fitted in and I didn't have a problem with that when I was younger Until now,when I get shown other people's pics by my mom of what they doing etc.its the same routine everyday,monotonous.that many occasions I don't even want to wake up at all.i just need help or any direction..besides the one I'm in right now.

It’s my wife's colleague Conrad, newly arrived from Australia... It seemed innocent enough. She would mention him in passing, talk about projects they were working on together, comment about his wife. But as time went on, details started popping up that made me nervous. The first red flag was how often she talked about him. His name was always on the tip of her tongue. She would tell me about how funny he was, and how well they worked together. Then there are the emails. I know I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. I read her conversations with Conrad, and what I saw made my heart sink. They were discussing work-related stuff, but it was filled with inside jokes and a level of familiarity that made me uncomfortable. As if they had developed a close emotional relationship. In one email my wife says she’s “confused” about her feelings. It’s not the exact quote, but they were talking about feelings… I tried to rationalize it, telling myself that maybe I was overreacting. But the more I think about it, the more the pieces seem to fit together. The late nights at the office, the constant talk of Conrad, and now these intimate emails.

I confronted her about it, but she brushed it off. She assured me that they were just friends and that I have nothing to worry about. I did not tell her I’ve read her emails because I know she extremely values her privacy. The thought of her developing feelings for someone else, especially a married man, fills me with a mix of anger and sadness. I never thought our marriage would be tested like this, and now I'm left wondering if she’s abusing my trust and whether f I should forgive her.

Thanks for taking the time to read

I’m really confused right now. I can’t really explain what I feel. I am stressing about everything; my past, present, future, family problems, financial problems, my appearance, just everything! I feel so drained. My heart feels so heavy :( I always think negative and I can’t even think positive. I really don’t know what’s happening to me anymore. When I feel sad, I just eat, smoke cigarettes, and even hurt myself sometimes. I hate my life. I feel like every people in my life fkin drains me. I want to lose weight, but I can’t. I keep eating even tho I’m full.

I am really mad abt myself. I’m mad at my parents. I’m mad at my friends. I’m mad at the people around me. I did everything to make them proud, I did anything I can just to make them proud, but it wasn’t enough, they still find some bad abt it.

I really don’t know what I’m talking abt rn, my mind’s a mess. I’m confused. I’m hurt and it keeps hurting. My heart is so heavy and I can’t even sleep. I just want to end this suffering. I’m really tired :(

i'm feeling really lost and confused right now, and i could use some advice. i'm almost ashamed to admit this, but i think i've fallen out of love with my partner. we've been together for almost a year now, but i just don't feel the same way i used to. i feel terrible about this. they haven't done anything wrong. it's just that my feelings have changed, and i don't know why. i keep trying to make myself feel the way i used to, but it's not working. the worst part is, i don't know how to tell them. i'm scared of hurting them, and i'm worried about what will happen if we break up

i've been trying to figure out what went wrong. did we just grow apart? i honestly don't know. all i know is that i don't feel the same spark anymore.

i've been putting on a brave face and pretending everything is fine, but it's getting harder every day. i feel like i'm lying to them, and to myself. i hate feeling this way 😭 i'm not sure what to do next. should i try to work on the relationship? should i be honest with them about how i'm feeling? or should i just end things now before it gets even harder? i never thought i'd be in this position