So why don’t you want to be fully truthful with your wife about the emails? If you think that abusing anyone’s trust is a bad thing to do (which I totally support), then share all your fears with her and be done with it. We’re guessing here whether she has feelings for that man or if indeed he’s just someone who makes her laugh and who is in fact deeply devoted to his own spouse. I hate divorce and hope you’ll be able to reconcile with your wife. It will be really sad if you jump the gun and accuse her of an affair and it turns out she was faithful to you. Caution is always needed in these sensitive questions.
I don't want to accuse your wife of cheating, but the signs are all there. May be not physical cheating, emotional cheating is also painful. As someone who has been through this, I advise you to hope for the best and prepare for the worst (in any case, prepare your finances). Wish you to get through this!
I’m not a relationships expert, to say the least, and the only advice I can give is what I would do if I were you. I would sit down with your wife and tell her that, out of despair, I’ve read her work correspondence and how it made me feel. I’d let her know that, even if she insists it’s friendship, my feeling is that it’s reaching a critical point, and we need to talk about it. I’d try to be calm and reserved so that she doesn’t go all defense mode instead of opening up. Perhaps there was some misunderstanding. Perhaps she even found herself intellectually or emotionally interested in hat colleague of hers. You need to know what she thinks and feels. You both need to sort it out like grownups. You may try having this conversation while in therapy, if your wife agrees. Having an outsider to this situation may clarify the situation and allow you to work out any unrelated issues.
You’re already contemplating about whether or not to forgive your wife, though you’re not 100% certain for what. Surely, if you were absolutely positive she has fallen for another man, you’d be packing your bags and talking to your lawyer by now! While you’re still doubting, it means things are not clear to you, too. And there’s another person you mentioned in passing who has her own interests in this situation – Conrad’s wife. You could contact her, she definitely needs to know.
@Eve What an interesting suggestion. Why not contact Conrad too, then? He’ll have something to say about it all, and he might be more direct and less emotional
No other way but telling her you what you know about the emails, Vincent. If it’s your only “evidence” against your wife, you can’t keep it secret and confront her based on your gut feeling or her coming late from work. Tell her about the emails and see what she has to say. Naturally, she’ll be offended, and you’ll need to talk about violating her private boundaries. So what? Apologize and switch back to the topic of her emails. This will have one of two outcomes: you’ll have a quarrel and find out all you need to know about the emotional attachment your wife may or may not have developed, or your wife will show you straight and clear that she does not value your relationship. No more guess work!
This is a tough one. I suppose all long-term relationships are being tested one way or another, it’s life. I’d consider emotional involvement with another man an infidelity. However, you say you are wondering, nothing is for sure. Your wife already knows you’re feeling insecure about Conrad, I’d push it while it’s relevant, and don’t play games. Ask your questions. You’ll have the time to make all your decisions later.
It’s a pity if you haven’t screenshotted the emails... Honesty is your only weapon now. I see you’re trying to be optimistic about it, which is frankly noble and surprising, but I don’t know your wife. Maybe she deserves it... Anyway, I suggest couple therapy. You both need to know whether it’s all a fantasy and who crossed what lines.
it is normal to have doubts or uncertainty in relationship. You are in doubt because it could be your wife has never spoken about someone so much. So now when she speaks there are already too many thoughts running in your head. now with that thought ruminating in your head if you look at anything like say email it will only further increase your doubt as your mind would not see anything in positive way. Even if the talks are not what you think but your mind makes you feel it is. Great deal of doubt comes from within. in such cases it is very necessary you talk it out because it could just be your assumption and feeling. if not it will only keep adding up and there will be no room for discussion .it will only be accusations.
It is necessary you have clarity in your head as what all is affecting you and go talk to your wife about how you feel that repeated name of Conrad is affecting you. You need to be specific so that she is aware of your thoughts and perception.