Honestly? I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from the constant, uninvited intrusion into my personal space. I don't understand the point of catcalling. Never did. Some mornings when I’m just out for a walk, it's the same scenario. A car passes by and I hear a whistle or a comment. Or some dude will comment on something about my body or my make up (if I wear a look that day). It's not flattering, it's not funny, it's just plain triggering at this point.
I work as a barista and I love my job so much. What I don't love is the walk home in the evening. It's as if I am on display, and every passerby feels entitled to comment on my appearance.
I remember one particular incident that still makes my skin crawl. I was walking home late one evening, my headphones in, trying to walk as a fast as possible. A man leaned out of his car window and shouted something that I could barely make out over the music. I ignored it, as I usually do, but he shouted again, louder this time. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. I felt threatened, and all I wanted to do was get home safely. Thank god I did and nothing bad happened.
People say it's a compliment, but it's not. It's an assertion of power, a way to make me feel small and vulnerable. In my own neighborhood, I should feel safe, but these unsolicited comments make me feel anything but that.
I've tried different strategies to cope with it. I've worn headphones to drown out the noise, I've changed my route home, I've even tried confronting the catcallers, but nothing seems to work.
I wish people understood that I am not an object to be commented on. I'm a person, with feelings and a right to move through the world undisturbed. I'm not sure what the solution is, but I know one thing for sure: I'm tired of catcalling and I will never get it.
Hello! Fortunately or unfortunately, we can’t make other people change. Your boyfriend’s behavior is awful, but it is his life, his choice and his responsibility. Refuse the illusion that you can change him or make him a better person. You say that you love your boyfriend, and I have no reasons to argue. But think about this: when people are in a good, healthy relationship they don’t hurt each other. Love is mutual respect, understanding and trust. Based on what you’ve written, your relationship is not like this. Second, think about another thing: are you ready to put up with your boyfriend’s behavior towards yourself any longer? Believe me, if he behaves like this in the very beginning, it’s going to be even worse. Are you OK with such a relationship? Do you feel happy? Does it bring you joy? What you’ve written looks like you’re in a love dependent relationship, it’s not real love. Love or emotional addiction is an unhealthy fixation on another person. Right now take a sheet of paper and a pen and describe ideal relationship. What does it look like? How do you treat your partner? How does your partner treat you? What feelings do you both share? How do you spend free time together, what do you usually do? Then compare what you have written with what you have in reality. If real relationship doesn’t resemble this image, here is a question for you. Why develop this relationship? I am not going to convince you to leave your partner. You’re an adult and you can make your own decisions. What I suggest is making a pause in communicating with this person at least for a couple of days, and watch your relationship from the side. You should understand what this relationship really is.