I believe this has mostly to do with the modern-day capitalistic culture, where everything can be sold and bought for money. The culture that’s centered around one’s own ego promotes quick joys and promiscuous relationships. Material things are real, but love? Look at how we tell the love stories in movies: lots of fun, casual cheating, jokes instead of serious discussions. Young people are taught that their value comes from how much money they make or how popular they become, and relationships are almost an afterthought, thus why make an effort in keeping them for long? Caring for one another, sacrificing something are regarded as weaknesses in modern culture. I think that we’ve betrayed the concept of what it means to be human.
Can it be that as we grow up, we tend to have this delusion that there’s someone perfect out there? And we keep searching for that special one and those unique friendships, instead of trying to connect with those who come our way? I mean, what if you do meet someone as open-minded and compassionate as you wish, but they won’t be vivacious? Or won’t fit some other desired criteria… I’ve made this mistake many times. Hopefully, I won’t make it again when I meet someone I like and my brain tells me “they’re not the one”.
I hope *your people* find you, even though you aren’t expecting them. ;)
You’re an old-school at heart, my friend. Me too. I believe in passionate and unconditional kind of love.
But most people nowadays don’t believe such strong feelings exist. They’re more interested in passing affairs.
I wish there were more personalities like you and me… The kind of people who are actually ready to fight for their loved ones, for the things they care about. We may as well be an endangered species.
People give up on love and friendship too easily. We’re emotionally immature for the most part, and unwilling to change.
I’m sure true love still exists for the few who want to evolve, to put an effort into keeping their relationship strong and healthy. I know a couple or two. And I know there are people who seek authentic love and won’t settle for anything less. It’s hard to find them, but it’s totally worth it. So don’t give up yet!
@Breanne to believe there’s someone out there who’s “perfect for us” would be absolute delusion. Perfection is impossible of a person but chemistry/compatibility isn’t. Having differences is what makes us unique, and being to accept them is important. I don’t want perfect, I want real. I’m okay with not having EVERY single thing in common with a person because that leaves no room for growth or introduction to something new. Definitely appreciate the insight though. 🌹
@Ben This was incredibly re-affirming to read, thank you so much. I know and am certain true love exists out there but I’m in no rush to find it, good things take time and often come when you least expect it. I’ve still got things about myself needing improvement so in the meantime I’m recovery and career-focused. Despite my frustrations I don’t intend to be any less kind or giving toward others. I’ve read somewhere that authentic souls always meet so I have definite faith people with hearts like ours will align someday; friendship or romantic interest wise.
@Minor Sage You’re unfortunately not wrong and that’s why this upcoming generation’s idea of love and morality is skewed, but even for me as someone who’s “growing up” along this generation there’s people my age (24) who’re starting to understand that this isn’t what love is. As few as it may be, some of us recognise that true love and friendship has to start with the foundation of trust, stability and agencies of safety being established.
@Mitchel Oi you're younger than I expected! Good for you. I hope you're right, and I hope younger generations will see that they've been fooled, their modern values are all driven by someone else's profit. But I'm afraid that as long as they're on social networks, they'll be influenced by social media, and their false beliefs will only be reinforced. The concept of love began to die when social media started pushing the idea that there's more out there: better partners, better looks, better careers and prospects. People dream of the wrong things and always want to "upgrade" what they have, thus modern young men are irresponsible and unable to commit to any serious relationship. They're afraid of serious things that mean giving up on looking for someone or something better. I don't know what to do about that.
@Mitchel BTW, in my country, the number of young people who say they’re feeling lonely has increased, and the numbers are slightly higher each year. This report is from 2012. Similar numbers were observed in 2019 and 2020. It's funny that due to social networks the world has become more connected, but actual human contact has become rare and less meaningful
https://www.newsinenglish.no/2012/07/17/many-young-norwegians-are-lonely/
Hi i understand it is emotionally draining for you when feeling is not reciprocated back in the same way. Dating can become difficult and tricky when you meet someone who is either unsure about what they want or isn't upfront about his intentions. This makes it disappointing when intentions are mismatched.
There are few things which you can do:
When you say friends consider you as a therapist and you tired of it now. For that your best strategy would be to be supportive but to put responsibility back on their shoulders so that you don't carry the weight of it. Saying the person i am sorry this has happened to you but you are smart enough to figure a way out will relieve you from being their therapist. It is admirable that you want to be good listener and compassionate friend but you need to also understand your limit, self worth and priorities so that no one takes advantage of you. If you are clear with what you want at the beginning then you will not go through this issues which drains you down emotionally. It is also very important that you set boundaries at the start of relationship of what you like, prefer, subjects you are okay to talk about, subjects you disapprove.
If you are tired of being taken advantage of then it is very important that you question yourself next time when someone takes advantage of you. Questions like: what message am i conveying to this person about how i expect to be treated, do i behave or portray in different way in front of these friends. Try noticing your behaviour and pattern.
It is also important you communicate your feelings to your friends if you don't like something. Not everyone can understand what you feel and what you want till you don't express it out.
You should also remember to take time out and think through before rushing into any relationship. communicate all aspects from your end before you get into one. You deserve the love you are looking for.
Strong sense of self worth with healthy limitations will help you to prevent imbalances in relationship. it is very difficult to find like minded people but if you continue to do activities what you enjoy you will eventually start meeting people online or offline(clubs or outdoor recreation activities) with whom you can bond instantly.