Post
Mi
Mitchel
30d ago

Society and Sex

There’s nothing that turns me off more than someone who’s hypersexual. Whether it’s a result of trauma or lack of sexual discipline, it’s genuinely unattractive to me and not just because I’m asexual. If you can’t have a civil conversation without making it sexual, don’t engage with me. I’m so tired of trying to build relationships with men and they’re immediately trying to initiate intimacy.


For a VERY brief moment I thought I met a seemingly normal man. We were talking just before I began working through my self care routine which consists of meditating, hydrating, stretching, doing something creative, listening to my favourite tunes and self help exercises. By the time I replied it had already been an hour so I apologised for the delayed reply, informing him I was doing CBT. “CBT” the abbreviation for cognitive behaviour therapy, this fucking weirdo thought I meant cock and ball torture. Blocked him immediately after communicating things won’t work.


But this not the only time I’ve experienced something like this and it’s exhausting. There’s absolutely no way it’s THIS difficult for people to have casual conversation without being promiscuous? This is exactly why I haven’t used chat and dating sites in almost 10 years. People are quick to jump to sex without knowing the person and it’s appalling to me. Until I’ve known a person for 7 or more months, sex is off the table. If that’s a dealbreaker, so be it. Even as a sexually active asexual, this is exactly why I only date within the asexual community.


Jesus fuck.

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Th
Thought
30d

The hypersexualization in modern society often overshadows the importance of emotional connection. Building meaningful relationships requires time, understanding & respect. These fundamental aspects seem to get lost in today's world.


The pressure to conform to societal expectations about physical intimacy can be overwhelming. I know because it is overwhelming for me.

Mi
Mitchel
30d
Author

@Thought you’re right but it’s sad. I know some people aren’t looking to build longterm and fulfilling connections and that’s fine, but it’s annoying when they interact with those of us who want stability and something that isn’t shallow.

Co
CosmicDreamer
30d

WTF this man is creepy as fuck! Good for you for blocking. BTW you just described everything that I've been thinking. I am not ace, but I just can't understand why everyone has to be about sex. I haven't been in relationship for ages because of this reason

Mi
Mitchel
30d
Author

@CosmicDreamer best believe I blocked him with SWIFTNESS. I want to establish mental and emotional security before any physical or financial intimacy is initiated. Asexuality aside, until I’ve established multiple agencies of safety with someone, that intimate attraction doesn’t exist.


The art of intimacy is lost in this generation which is why I intend to be single for the next 4-10 years, if not more. If you’re thinking about revisiting the dating world, don’t. You’re not missing anything.

Mi
Mitchel
30d
Author

@CosmicDreamer and that’s completely valid, I resonate with that! Self love and respect doesn’t substitute for romantic love and feelings of partnership. Nobody should feel forced between enjoying their own company to avoid unnecessary drama in the dating world or lowering their standards for less than the bare minimum just because society pushes the narrative that you’re only “worthy” if you’re in a relationship.

Co
CosmicDreamer
30d

@Mitchel I honestly don't consider going back into dating pool for now but sometimes the pressure gets to me. I know that it's my life and I know damn sure that I'm not gonna sacrifice my comfort for a social status. But sometimes it's just hard to navigate social situations. And I'm tired for always having to justify my choice. Why do I have to explain something to ignorant people over and over again. Ugh..

Co
CosmicDreamer
30d

@Mitchel This 💯

This thread kinda gave me a confirmation of what I was already thinking but wasn't able to put it into words. So thank you, hope you're having a great day 💕

Di
Dimple
26d

@CosmicDreamer I'm not ace as well, but I have the same thought as you are! So nice seeing people who get it

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Wa
Wally An.
30d

The whole dating scene has become so oversexualized it's ridiculous. Last week some guy turned my comment about liking pasta into a sex joke. seriously? Can't people just talk about food normally anymore? The dating apps are the worst everyone's forgotten how to have normal conversations. What's even more concerning is how many people think it's weird to want to wait and actually get to know someone. Props to you for setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. The ace community definitely seems more respectful about these things

Mi
Mitchel
30d
Author

@Wally An. That’s disgusting, I’m sorry you experienced that. This reminds me of a TikTok that surfaced my fyp of a woman talking about how she was FaceTiming a man she intended to build a relationship with. She was showing him her self care routine and was moisturising her face. Because the cream was a translucent colour as she applied and moisturised her face, the guy made a comment saying, “That looks familiar.” The more she rubbed it in the more he kept repeating the statement and the TikTok ended with her saying she disconnected and blocked him because she was disgusted, but this is just an every day thing for women.


And if it’s anything I’ve noticed with men (or people like that), hypersexualisation is usually a sign of either porn addiction or trauma. The trauma aspect is unfortunate but the porn addiction aspect is an entirely different story. Regardless, it’s really not that hard to have normal conversations without making them sexual? Like, I’m asexual but I am sexually active. Asexuality is on a spectrum so depending on how someone identifies, they may or may not experience sexual attraction. The general principle of it is experiencing little to no sexual attraction.


Being an asexual man is honestly an interesting experience.

Wa
Wally An.
26d

@Mitchel Oh sorry for the late reply, my notifications were off, some self-care time :)

This TikTok is relatable wow, I wish people would understand that this is not normal. Like at all. I hope one day to experience affection that is not coming from a sexual place, because honestly it starts to disgust me...and bore me additionally

ri
richardstanley8641
24d

Thank you for this post, really! You're not alone on feeling that way at all

bi
bira
3d

I totally get your frustration. The dating scene is pretty messed up right now. Pretty wild how that dude jumped straight to that interpretation of CBT - says a lot about where his mind was at. Glad you were able to actually distance yourself from that weirdo

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