my mom's behavior. I'm 18 and have been having severe panic attacks for the last year and a half. that's what my psychologist said. I don’t think so myself, because maybe it’s something else. The fact is that I have been living in this condition for a long time and my mother does not allow me treatment. the first year, when this effect had not yet taken hold and I went once to a psychologist with her cuz was underage. session hour. For the first 30 minutes she sat with me without allowing me to really say anything, then the doctor asked her to leave and she stood at the door as if she was eavesdropping...or was it just me? let's ignore this fact, I wasn't sure. After that, my mother said that the psychologist was useless and we would no longer attend therapy. that's it..what's next? Then there are a lot of reproaches and “pull yourself together, you can control this” “program yourself and everything will be fine” “just breathe deeply and everything will pass.” I lost my mind. These phrases began to cause aggression in me. I'll tell you honestly. When a person doesn’t understand your condition and says so, it infuriates me. Before all this, I was experiencing severe stress and wanted to kill myself, which my mother told the therapist about without my knowledge. She also says “look, this child has a disability, he is fighting for life, and you cut your wrists and want to kill yourself.”. (this especially irritates me) She also seems to be ashamed of me. Or she says that she’s tired of me and it’s all my fault, etc. Things got worse over time and I didn’t go into remission at all. and now I go to therapy once a week for panic attacks. And then, it was a necessary measure. By the way, now when I feel bad, my mother gets worried and has a hypertensive crisis, apparently due to stress, for which, of course, she blames me. It’s very difficult for me because I have no one else in my family, and even when I feel bad too and I’m in a panic, I help her, bring her water, etc. And when, during her hypertension, I sit down to check my pulse or blood pressure, I always hear “Everything is fine with you, stop measuring this crap, you’re stressing me out,” it’s all gotten to the point where I get very upset and blame myself for it. Also, many doctors said that I should visit a psychiatrist, but I live in a country where all this is recorded, and even one visit to a psychiatrist could end with me not going to university, not being able to work at a good job, being the scum of society and not I can drive a car..like this. I'm completely confused and don't understand what to do☹️ in a year I will have the opportunity to move in with a girl and leave her. and while I don’t have the opportunity to do this and I’m under the care of my mother, so to speak, then I would really like to get advice on how to learn to perceive it differently or how to ignore it..
The hypersexualization in modern society often overshadows the importance of emotional connection. Building meaningful relationships requires time, understanding & respect. These fundamental aspects seem to get lost in today's world.
The pressure to conform to societal expectations about physical intimacy can be overwhelming. I know because it is overwhelming for me.
@Thought you’re right but it’s sad. I know some people aren’t looking to build longterm and fulfilling connections and that’s fine, but it’s annoying when they interact with those of us who want stability and something that isn’t shallow.
WTF this man is creepy as fuck! Good for you for blocking. BTW you just described everything that I've been thinking. I am not ace, but I just can't understand why everyone has to be about sex. I haven't been in relationship for ages because of this reason
@CosmicDreamer best believe I blocked him with SWIFTNESS. I want to establish mental and emotional security before any physical or financial intimacy is initiated. Asexuality aside, until I’ve established multiple agencies of safety with someone, that intimate attraction doesn’t exist.
The art of intimacy is lost in this generation which is why I intend to be single for the next 4-10 years, if not more. If you’re thinking about revisiting the dating world, don’t. You’re not missing anything.
@CosmicDreamer and that’s completely valid, I resonate with that! Self love and respect doesn’t substitute for romantic love and feelings of partnership. Nobody should feel forced between enjoying their own company to avoid unnecessary drama in the dating world or lowering their standards for less than the bare minimum just because society pushes the narrative that you’re only “worthy” if you’re in a relationship.
@Mitchel I honestly don't consider going back into dating pool for now but sometimes the pressure gets to me. I know that it's my life and I know damn sure that I'm not gonna sacrifice my comfort for a social status. But sometimes it's just hard to navigate social situations. And I'm tired for always having to justify my choice. Why do I have to explain something to ignorant people over and over again. Ugh..
@Mitchel This 💯
This thread kinda gave me a confirmation of what I was already thinking but wasn't able to put it into words. So thank you, hope you're having a great day 💕
@CosmicDreamer I'm not ace as well, but I have the same thought as you are! So nice seeing people who get it
The whole dating scene has become so oversexualized it's ridiculous. Last week some guy turned my comment about liking pasta into a sex joke. seriously? Can't people just talk about food normally anymore? The dating apps are the worst everyone's forgotten how to have normal conversations. What's even more concerning is how many people think it's weird to want to wait and actually get to know someone. Props to you for setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. The ace community definitely seems more respectful about these things
@Wally An. That’s disgusting, I’m sorry you experienced that. This reminds me of a TikTok that surfaced my fyp of a woman talking about how she was FaceTiming a man she intended to build a relationship with. She was showing him her self care routine and was moisturising her face. Because the cream was a translucent colour as she applied and moisturised her face, the guy made a comment saying, “That looks familiar.” The more she rubbed it in the more he kept repeating the statement and the TikTok ended with her saying she disconnected and blocked him because she was disgusted, but this is just an every day thing for women.
And if it’s anything I’ve noticed with men (or people like that), hypersexualisation is usually a sign of either porn addiction or trauma. The trauma aspect is unfortunate but the porn addiction aspect is an entirely different story. Regardless, it’s really not that hard to have normal conversations without making them sexual? Like, I’m asexual but I am sexually active. Asexuality is on a spectrum so depending on how someone identifies, they may or may not experience sexual attraction. The general principle of it is experiencing little to no sexual attraction.
Being an asexual man is honestly an interesting experience.
@Mitchel Oh sorry for the late reply, my notifications were off, some self-care time :)
This TikTok is relatable wow, I wish people would understand that this is not normal. Like at all. I hope one day to experience affection that is not coming from a sexual place, because honestly it starts to disgust me...and bore me additionally
Thank you for this post, really! You're not alone on feeling that way at all