I lost money in the stock market again! The despair is burning me up inside. I'm unforgivable! I want to slit my wrists, punish myself. You think I'm a fool who doesn't know anything about money? I have a degree in finance. I know a lot about the stock market. I've made a lot of money there. I bought and my futures went up. I could have bought a car with my winnings. Why didn't I do that? I was like a drunk, I sure believed I'd get more money... It was all calculated. И.. I lost everything and I owe the bank. I'm a fool after all. I'm paying.

I don't want anything, I don't want to speak to anyone, I dont want to do anything. I'm tired of trying to slowly put myself together just to crash into despair and start over again. I'm living with it for so long. This is the longest depressive episode I've had so far. I'm not even sure whether it's depression or not anymore, maybe I just suck. It started in January this year and I still can't do anything. I take medication, Lamictal and an anti depressant, I go to therapy. I'm at the brink of being homeless, because of course I have lones that I took when i was hypomanic and I can't work consistently. I don't have friends, I live alone, I don't have a partner and I've never had one. I'm fucked. I'm sorry, but I'm done. I'm mad because it is still going. Why me? I have started to search a way to kms, that would fit for me. I'm scared of dying, but at the same time I can't deal with it anymore.

A Heartfelt Thank You to the Feel You Community: A Journey of Hope and Transformation

Dear Feel You Community,

As I sit here, pouring my heart out onto this screen, I am overcome with emotions that words alone cannot adequately express. The journey I have traveled in the presence of this remarkable community has been nothing short of transformative. From the depths of despair to a place of hope, from loneliness to a sense of belonging, you have been my guiding light, my pillars of strength, and my unwavering support.

Not too long ago, I found myself in the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. The weight of discovering my true sexual orientation and the subsequent rejection and hostility from my own family had shattered my world. I was lost, drowning in fear, and contemplating an unthinkable end. But then, in my darkest hour, I reached out to this community—a community that would change the trajectory of my life forever.

To each and every one of you who took the time to read my posts, who poured out your hearts in the comments, who shared your own stories of struggle and triumph, I want you to know that you saved me. Your words of encouragement, your empathy, and your unwavering support reached across the digital space and touched the depths of my soul. In that moment, I realized I was not alone. I found solace in your kindness, strength in your understanding, and hope in your shared experiences.

To the visionary minds behind Feel You, I am forever grateful. You have created a platform that goes far beyond the ordinary—a sanctuary where individuals from all walks of life can find solace, understanding, and connection. Through your creation, you have given me a lifeline, a virtual family, and the courage to choose life when all seemed lost. The impact of your vision cannot be understated, for it has saved lives, mended broken spirits, and ignited a spark of change that will forever burn bright.

There is a misconception I would like to address, one that arose from my recent post. Some of you believed that I had left Uganda in search of safety and sanctuary in a foreign land. While relocation was suggested to me by various organizations, including the remarkable Trevor Project, I made the difficult decision to stay. You see, my purpose, my calling, lies within Uganda itself. I want to be a catalyst for lasting change within my own country. I want to stand tall and be a beacon of hope for those who face similar struggles and discrimination. My aim is to make a difference, not only for the LGBTQ+ community, but for anyone who experiences discrimination based on disability, race, politics, religion, gender, or any other factor that sets them apart. It will be an uphill battle, but with the unwavering support of this incredible community, I know we can overcome any obstacles that come our way, step by step.

In the midst of my tumultuous journey, there is one person I must acknowledge—a dear friend who has provided me with a safe haven amidst the storm. Just a few days ago, I mustered the courage to reveal my truth to him. I expected rejection, judgment, and misunderstanding. But instead, something miraculous happened. He listened, truly listened, with an open heart and an open mind. And as he absorbed the comments and stories shared by this community, something shifted within him. He began to understand the depth of my pain, the magnitude of my challenges. This newfound acceptance from someone I thought would never comprehend my experiences has made this one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. I am grateful for his transformation, for his unwavering support, and for reminding me that change is possible, even in the unlikeliest of places.

In my previous post, I neglected to outline how those who are willing to support my cause can help. For those who prefer to contribute through Air Funding, I have included a fundraising link at the bottom of this message. If international transfers like Western Union are more suitable, please kindly email me at hankjayden168@gmail.com for further details. I am also open to any suggestions or advice from the members of my newfound family, for I am a 21-year-old Ugandan who has much to learn. Your guidance and support are invaluable on this journey of ours.

To the organizations I reached out to, including the Trevor Project, Amnesty International, BBC, Al Jazeera, CNN, France 24, International Rescue Committee, and others, I must be honest and say that the support I received did not meet my expectations. While I understand that these organizations have their own boundaries and limitations, it is the Feel You community that has provided me with the comfort, strength, and hope that I needed. You have shown me that true support knows no boundaries and transcends distance.

If I am successful in my ambitions to bring about change through my project, I will not need to hire advisors, for I have found the best advisors within the Feel You community. You have saved my life and helped me discover my purpose. Your wisdom and guidancewill be my compass as I navigate uncharted waters. Together, we can make a difference that resonates far beyond our individual experiences.

Closing my eyes, I can feel the profound impact each of you has had on my life. My biological family may have turned their backs on me, but I have found a new family—the Feel You family. In your invisible presence, your collective love and support radiate through the depths of my being. You have transformed my despair into determination, my hopelessness into a burning desire to create change. With your unwavering support, I will continue to fight for a world that embraces diversity, compassion, and equality.

As I conclude this letter, I want to express my gratitude once again, from the depths of my soul. Thank you for being the light that guided me through my darkest moments. Thank you for reminding me that there is strength in vulnerability, beauty in authenticity, and hope in the face of adversity. Together, we are forging a path towards a brighter future—a future where love triumphs over hate, where acceptance eclipses discrimination, and where every individual can live their truth without fear.

With profound gratitude and an unyielding spirit.

I am a 21-year-old living in Uganda, a country where being true to myself comes at an unimaginable cost. Recently, my world was shattered when my family discovered my truth – that I am a proud member of the LGBTQ community. Their response was anything but accepting. My own father disowned me, and to my horror, one of my uncles even suggested handing me over to the authorities. Faced with rejection and the looming threat of persecution, I made the painful decision to leave my family behind and seek refuge at a friend's place. Little did I know that my friend, too, held deep-seated anti-gay beliefs. I found myself isolated, with nobody to turn to for support. The weight of their disapproval and the loneliness I felt pushed me to the brink of despair. I needed help, someone who would listen without judgment. In my darkest hour, I reached out to the national mental health services, hoping for solace and guidance. But instead of finding empathy, the counselor echoed the hurtful words of my family, dismissing my identity and urging me to conform. It felt like another betrayal, amplifying the torment within me. However, in the vast digital landscape, I discovered a lifeline. International organizations such as the Trevor Project, Samaritans, Befrienders, and Feel You became my pillars of support. They offered me a safe space to share my truth and provided the understanding and compassion I so desperately needed. Through their guidance, I regained strength and found the courage to fight for my own well-being. Now, I stand at a crucial turning point in my life. For my own safety, I am considering leaving Uganda behind. But deep within me, a fire burns—a desire to create lasting change, to help others like me who remain trapped in a society that refuses to accept them. Your contribution to our online fundraising campaign can help me rebuild my life in a place where I can be my authentic self. But it goes beyond that. It will empower me to continue my mission of supporting the LGBTQ community in Uganda, to provide resources, education, and advocacy that challenge prejudice and save lives. Join me on this journey of resilience and hope, as we work together to shed light on the struggles faced by LGBTQ individuals in Uganda. Your generosity will make a tangible impact, not only transforming my life but also fostering a future where love, acceptance, and equality triumph."