I feel totally miserable now a days. I ve been doing my civil service examination from 2020 may until september I was Preparing for my examination in a way good manner but suddenly I came to know my best friend eloped with her boyfriend and as I was her roommate for 3 year of college life and her best friend her parents gave my number to police for enquiry and this became a big fuss in my family. My mom asked abt her status before this incident happened as is she dating any one but I lied to my mom that this she is not. When this incident happened no one believed me in my home expect my brother they were so harsh to me. This made me to became a phone and drama series addict which I was in good control of my screen time. I wasted my whole 2 years and lost my trust any one. I started to skip classes and that too its online classes because of covid and started to lie to my parents which I have never done before and I regret till this day for that. I really tried and lost my hope in studies as i did not attend any classes. I even cried at 2 am sitting in my bed that I lost my everything in my life my Opportunity for my dream. But again I rejoined my class even though my boy friend asked me to study for some other job. I started to go offline class regularly staying in hostel but then I got sick frequently for many reasons one after another. This made me to start again again from 0 then again I became phone addict because of this which still now Iam suffering from. I know these are pure excuses but still Iam doing this and in my mind hoping that I want to study but still me with my phone. I totally got changed my character and from being little bit of me a extrovert now I totally became an introvert that now most of the time I hate if some one or even my own mom in a same room in as me. But still no one gets and understand me that i got changed. Still my parents telling me that Iam irresponsible even for simple small things they are harsh at me it makes me totally stress when i come home from hostel. These days I feel lonely frequently or almost every time. But I also wish to be alone. I came to conclusion that i need help from others for my mental health but I dont want to say this to any one including my family. I need to be productive in my life. I just want to be happy and I need my old me which I was in my school days doing everything, being productive reading and enjoying reading books good at everything i do atleast mind to try anything, hard working. I really just want me really bad. Its killing me too bad thag iam going through this. I tried to do list and schedule every possible ways but iam not consistent in anything but my phone.

I just hope someone can help me from this dark room i really hope and really badly need my life successful with carrer 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

I used to be a poker player when we had Friday afterparties at my previous job. Admittedly, I’m an unskilled player and have lost 4 times out of 5. The money wasn’t big, but I’ve lost my girl over it!! She worried sick I’d get hooked and lose everything, ruining our future plans… If only I had the time to learn poker strategies before telling her!

I’m now seeing someone else who is VERY dear to me, and I don’t want her to know that I’ve recently got addicted to betting on cyber sports. I know once she finds out, there will be drama again. I’m not losing half of my salary on it. I’m not an addict! It’s more like a risk magnet to me. If I could replace it with something that would give me the same pleasant chills and not lose me any money, I would! How to make it clear to her?

Is anyone else here sportsbetting?

Hello world.

I feel a little uncomfortable writing this, but I was sitting in my room for hours dealing with crippling thoughts, so I’m trying to get some relief from writing my thoughts down. I’ve been battling with my mental monsters for years, with no significant results, until I lost hope in Western methods and turned to Asian medicines that are based on absolutely different assumptions about a human body and mind and the role of consciousness and energetic factors in healing... Last year I stayed at a Buddhist monastery for a month, and I’m still very grateful for the experience. But I had to return home, and I feel the therapeutic effect of my journey is somewhat beginning to waver. Buddhism has helped me accept my mental condition and my shortcomings. When I was with the monks, my sufferings lessened. I observed their simple lives devoid of extravagance and strong attachments. It was good. I felt less guilty of being an outcast, a friendless nomad, unsuccessful by Western standards... But even being in such a holy place, I caught myself doubting and clinging to some shreds of feelings, some needs to feel loved, not to feel alone. I tried to observe my emotions with no judgement instead of getting caught up in them. I think it worked for a while, until recently when I found myself surrounded by Western values again and my subconscious began to wish to fit in, as always, to be “a normie”… I know it’s a threat to my mental stability and I wish I could block my feelings of loneliness from the lack of emotional connections. I don’t want to cling to these connections, nor do I want to crawl in my shell again. I know that my goal is to learn to interact with people, with the world, without clinging and attachments. But it’s so, so hard in this corrupt environment where everything is driven by passion! Right now I’m feeling weak, as I crave companionship like I used to years ago. It’s so painful... I’ve been struggling with it every day for the past two weeks. I even thought of alcohol for a brief moment. Yes, I’m very weak now...

Not looking for any advice, I guess, except maybe from those who may have experienced the same…

Best wishes.

The heartbreaking part about surviving narcissistic abuse is that your body never forgets. Not the pain, not the sorrow. That trauma follows you into every relationship formed and sometimes destroy them. If it’s something I knew sooner, it’s that your body will communicate through sickness. At the time of dating and even after escaping my covert narcissist ex, my intuition tried to warn me but I ignored it.

First, there was this pervasive sensitivity of anxiety; waking up anxious with a constricting feeling in my chest. My upper body felt stiff and the sensation lingered throughout the days. Then, I gradually lost interest in doing things that brought me pleasure followed by loss of appetite. The emotional turmoil that ensued was the worst of it all for me as someone who already struggles with emotional regulation as I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It can only be described as “dysphoric mania”, something I discovered after Googling my experience. I’d have intense feelings of euphoria one moment and crash hard from depression the next. The overall, impending feeling of doom and dread hovered over me until I escaped and took legal and sought professional support.

I was fortunate to transform that pain into power, but now I’m experiencing it all over again just with my new romantic interest. We met a little over a month ago at a concert where we exchanged info and immediately started talking and going on dates. For the most part, everything has been well. Any time he’d say or do something that would provoke discomfort I’d create a safe space for us to have open communication and converse about it. While he’s been receptive for the most part, the longer we remain in contact the worse the feeling gets. I know this isn’t unprovoked hypervigilance because I’ve been in therapy, performed enough body scans regularly and developed discernment to know when it’s my intuition and not anxiety. And I promised myself if at any point my heart and mind are confused on a person, I’d listen to my body and my body is telling me I’m unsafe.

I’ve never been one to ghost because I don’t condone unless the person is reasonably threatening to another’s safety, but I’m contemplating because alarm bells are going off and I don’t want to fuck around and find out anything I can save myself from. I’m going to speak more with my therapist about it but today and the rest of this week I’m going to continue practicing self care and giving myself grace. To anyone who might be experiencing something similar, please don’t make the mistake I did. Listen to your body, listen to your intuition.

If you’re “randomly” coming down with colds, experiencing headaches, feel drained or loss of appetite, have no pleasure in your interests and feel yourself becoming isolated, this is your intuition and body trying to communicate something is wrong. Of course it looks different for everyone but do not take your safety and wellbeing for granted. If it’s available, considering contacting a professional.

Listening to your body and intuition could save your life so if you suspect someone you’re seeing or are romantically interested in is “off”, especially in indescribable ways, be wary.