I am tired of depression

I don't want anything, I don't want to speak to anyone, I dont want to do anything. I'm tired of trying to slowly put myself together just to crash into despair and start over again. I'm living with it for so long. This is the longest depressive episode I've had so far. I'm not even sure whether it's depression or not anymore, maybe I just suck. It started in January this year and I still can't do anything. I take medication, Lamictal and an anti depressant, I go to therapy. I'm at the brink of being homeless, because of course I have lones that I took when i was hypomanic and I can't work consistently. I don't have friends, I live alone, I don't have a partner and I've never had one. I'm fucked. I'm sorry, but I'm done. I'm mad because it is still going. Why me? I have started to search a way to kms, that would fit for me. I'm scared of dying, but at the same time I can't deal with it anymore.