I don't know what's going on. Hi everyone, I'm 18 and I'm a lesbian. When I was a kid I liked guys, but then around 13-14 when I found out that you can like girls, I felt like I liked them more...? (so I think I might have daddy issues or something like that, so. I used to kind of like guys, but I really like their attention to this day. Like, "I'm in a relationship with a girl, but if this guy gives me attention that would be cool! I like to be the center of attention!" I don't think I'm bi because I can't imagine having sex with a guy or being in a relationship. I feel comfortable to be with a girl and I would like to live my life with her, I like to get attention from a girl, kisses, etc... now let's get to the problem. when I realized that I am not hetero, in my country everything was more or less fine with same-sex relationships...how? nobody cared about it. I was in a long distance relationship with a girl for 2 years and I loved her and she kind of loved me too. as I realized after the breakup, our relationship was not healthy at all. She lied to me, she ignored me a lot, she seemed to love me but sometimes she could just get offended. she lied about everything, about being raped by a guy, about the people she was dating, she said her parents beat her up, etc. I was a fool and really believed it all (although I had my doubts and they were justified). eventually she started to ignore me a lot saying "that's it, we're breaking up". one time we had a political fight and she wanted to break up with me, but she kind of gave me a second chance. I didn't know she was seeing someone else at the time...as time went on, I experienced the same insults from her friends. And when I said, "Don't hang out with that person, they talk shit about me, I don't like it, but it's your choice. I didn't push too hard but it was in this context approximately (before that she insisted that I stop communicating with my friend or she would leave me, I had to do it) another situation happened: she had a friend who lived next door to her and they didn't communicate live but often texted each other. My ex liked to make herself cool and pretend that she was experienced in sex. At the time I was a virgin and did not really talk about sex with her, I was not really comfortable, but something I trusted her. and once my account in the app was blocked and I asked her for a while, she said "no problem" and in the dialog with this guy I accidentally saw "My girlfriend is such a slut, she does fisting". I was shocked. I had never done that in my life...I cried for a long time after that, because I felt uncomfortable and like I was humiliated. Also there was something like "my girlfriend has big tits, like two planets" this was also unpleasant for me, especially the fact that she tells this to a guy I don't even know. after a few months she started to ignore me hard, just write rarely, I could write to her she sits online, but does not answer, just reads. it drove me to tears and hysterics..I thought that everything will be fine, but I thought that everything will be fine. but when we were on the call and I was discussing our future like "oh, it would be cool if we got a kitten" it was at this point that she said "I want to break up with you" (I think it's very nasty of her to do that at this point) I started crying, begging her, etc...but she just told me to fuck off and disconnected. Then I texted her "can we be friends?" she said no and I accepted it...But the most disgusting thing was that when I was crying and suffering she just texted me "I'll think about it till morning and tell you my decision" I was broken and cried all night, hoping that in the morning she would say it's ok etc...She woke up and texted me "I'm blocking you, bye! "After a few days I found out that she had cheated on me. she immediately started dating a girl the day we were separated. and that girl turned out to be a friend who humiliated and insulted me..hmmm so there you go! now I have a new girlfriend who loves me to bits and treats me well and with respect.
But the problem is that after our breakup my country passed a law banning "LGBT" now if you are gay or lesbian you can go to jail...for 12 years. I'm really scared to write this now a little bit...in case they find out. but now I want to go to the main problem.(I'm very anxious, I suffer from overthinking and bad thoughts) At some point after the ban and distance with the girl, I started to feel like I'm attracted to guys...(I never dated a guy and all my 3 ex were girls)it's like my body makes me love them. I'm just looking at an almost at every guy and get a very weird feeling in my belly..I thought, "Okay, if you're bi, it's okay, don't worry about it," but it got worse at some point, like I started reacting to any guy, or to their voice like it was supposed to make me I don't know into him. I pushed those thoughts away. I also want to add that my mother doesn't know about my orientation and I often hear "such a nice guy,tall,handsome,cute,sucker" and it makes me feel even worse>_< I realize that if I react to all guys this way it could be anxiety and fear of falling in love with a guy. Help me please. What could it be? How to treat it? i really need your opinion, maybe someone has faced this before!
I agree. I'm actually sitting here, feeling guilty because I've spent half my day just doom scrolling. It's crazy how much control this little device has over me. I know I'd be better off without it, but I can't seem to put it down.I keep telling myself I'll just check one more thing, but then I end up going down these rabbit holes. Before I know it, hours have passed
I've tried setting limits on my phone too, but I always end up ignoring them. It's embarrassing to admit, but sometimes I even turn them off completely. I tell myself I'll just check social media for a few minutes, but then I get sucked in. The worst part is, I know exactly what you mean about all the negative stuff online. It definitely affects my mood, but I still can't seem to stop. I know I'd feel better if I could cut back on my phone use. I hope I can get to where you are someday. It sounds so freeing to not be tied to social media all the time
@PEACE Hi! I had this problem as well. I know how difficult it can be to really quit. Recently, I’ve decided to work on myself, and I started to notice that without checking my phone constantly I feel better, like actually better. You just need to fight these first urges and then everything will fall into place, I promise you. If I could do it, you can do it as well! good luck and I applaud you for wanting to change 👏
@PEACE if it’s any consolation, you’re not the only person experiencing this. Doom scrolling is a lot more common than you think and a recent study revealed it’s part of the reason loneliness within the upcoming generation is rising. I know I could provide advice and share what I did to change my own habits, as I too was guilty of this, but it’s ultimately up to the person. I’ll admit it was no easy task. I definitely had days where I said, “I’d check one thing” and that one thing turned to several, leading me down the rabbit hole, but once I got serious about keeping the commitments made to myself it gradually became easier.
Because disconnecting from media is a lot easier said than done, do your best not to fault yourself. You’ll get there eventually. Best of luck in your endeavour🙏🏾
@william r. I appreciate you taking the time to let them know they’re not alone in their struggle, doom scrolling is VERY common and EXTREMELY difficult to stop! Everyone has their methods but I know for myself, next to enabling limits I started reinvesting myself in passions and hobbies.
Producing music and creating detailed art are two forms of creativity that leave me feeling rejuvenated so every day I started making time to do something within those mediums. Once I created that routine for myself, I began implementing other things such as exercising, volunteering and spending more time with friends into my schedule.
Of course during the initial stage I still had moments where I “slipped” and found myself falling down the rabbit hole of doom scrolling but after a while, I got addicted to the feeling of peace from honouring the commitments I made to myself to disconnect from media; or to at least minimise the amount of time spent on it.
@PEACE If you're considering taking a break from social media, I'd encourage you to give it a try. It might be challenging at first, but you might find that it leads to more authentic connections and a greater sense of peace in your daily life. It's okay to disconnect sometimes. In fact, it might just help you connect more deeply with the world around you and the people in it. And isn't that what we're all looking for in the end?
@william r. I really appreciate your encouragement! You're right, those first urges are the toughest to overcome. I've been trying to replace my phone time with other activities, but it's like my hand automatically reaches for it without me even thinking. This habit has become so ingrained
How long did it take for that feeling to go away? I'm really hoping I can stick with it this time. The idea of feeling genuinely better without constant phone use is so appealing
Feel ya so much on this. I truly believe that there are still people who crave real connections and experiences, we just gotta keep looking. Unfortunately, a lot of folks in my circle are people who care about the stuff that’s unimportant to me. It’s upsetting, but I try to find things that really make me feel happy and focus on them, rather than some gossip they try to insert me in 🙄
@Mitchel I am honestly not that surprised by it. Our digital habits are affecting our real-world connections so much. I've been trying to find a balance lately, making a conscious effort to engage in offline activities. The self-awareness is so important. Here's hoping we both find our people who prefer real-world adventures over endless scrolling! 🌿📚🌟
@william r. A recent study revealed that there’s a surge of loneliness increasing among this upcoming generation and mentioned doom scrolling being one of the reasons. Everyone’s so preoccupied with their face in their phone that it’s depriving them of the connections they seek. I’ve got but maybe one person I’m working to call a friend but other than that, I spend most my time holding space with myself and focusing on what feels good to me. Hopefully you’ll also be able to find others who’s interests align with yours and they aren’t as invested in media.
As someone who has decided to quit social media, I relate so muchh. It's been about a year since I made that choice, and I have to say, the freedom I've gained is incredible. No more constant notifications buzzing on my phone, no more pressure to keep up with everyone's highlight. At first, people didn't understand why I was stepping away from these platforms. Some of my friends even felt a bit threatened by my decision, as if I was judging them for staying there. It took time for them to understand and respect my choice. Even now, a year later, I find myself being the one who's always suggesting offline meet-ups
Interestingly, I've noticed that I feel more connected to people now than I did when I was on social media. It sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it? When I was constantly scrolling through feeds, I knew everything about everyone - their vacations, their meals, how they were feeling each day. But that knowledge didn't translate to real connection. Now that I'm not looking at people's stories or posts all the time, I find myself having more meaningful conversations when we do meet up. We have things to actually catch up on
@Sandra the same thing happened to me when i quit social media. it's been about 8 months since i deleted all my accounts, and wow, what a difference it's made in my life. like you, i found that some of my friends were really annoyed by my decision. one of them even said to me that i think i'm better than them because i don't use social media anymore. can you believe that? i'm just trying to take care of my mental health! it's crazy how some people take it so personally when you decide to step away from these platforms. i've noticed a huge improvement in my mental health since quitting. i used to spend hours scrolling through feeds, comparing my life to others, and feeling like i was missing out on everything. now, i feel so much more present in my own life. i've started reading more, picked up a new hobby (archery!), and i'm spending way more quality time with my family. i've rediscovered what it means to just be in the moment, but the sad part is that i did loose some of my friends due to my decision
@Sandra it's been such an eye-opener for sure. some of my friendships have definitely gotten stronger. but yeah, some other friendships have faded away, and i've realized they were pretty superficial to begin with. i've also noticed that i'm way more present when i'm hanging out with people now. before, i'd always have one eye on my phone, checking for notifications or thinking about what i could post. now, i'm fully engaged in conversations
@owie I've had similar reactions from friends who seemed almost offended by my choice. I think it's because social media has become such a huge part of our lives that some people can't imagine living without it. But like you, I've found so much peace in stepping away from it all.
Archery's badass. I've been doing more reading, and I've started taking long walks. It's amazing how much more you notice about the world around you when you're not constantly staring at a screen. Have you found that your relationships with people have changed since quitting social media? I know mine have. Some have gotten stronger, while others have faded away. It's been an interesting process of figuring out which connections were real and which were just based on likes and comments
Preach! Real life beats scrolling any day. Stay true to yourself ❤️🩹
i understand where you're coming from. the digital world can be overwhelming, and it's brave of you to take steps to protect your mental health. it's challenging when your desire for genuine connections clashes with the prevailing digital culture. i want to believe that there are still others out there who share this values. it might take time, but i hope I'll find my people. and I'm sure that your authenticity will attract good people!
You've read my mind! I've been feeling the same way for a while now. The constant bombardment of information and the pressure to always be 'on' is exhausting. It's not just the content, but the way it's designed to keep us hooked. I've tried to cut back too, and it's amazing how much clearer my head feels
The hardest part is definitely the social aspect. There's this almost an unspoken expectation that you'll always be available. I've had friends get annoyed with me for not responding to messages right away
@fred heart I can go on for hours about people being upset at others lack of availability. It’s really weird, especially when the behaviour comes from friends. I so badly want for people to understand not everyone is on their phone 24/7 and that they need to disengage from the expectation of immediate responses. People have lives outside their phones and social media. Work, family, relationships, hobbies, or simply wanting to hold space with yourself.
Anyone who genuinely cares for and considers you a friend would understand and respect that, I’m sorry your friends are getting upset at you for not being chronically online?
@Mitchel yep, that's really weird to me as well. Guess that's how you spot fake ones, right?