slowly perishing from dysthymia :(

Just been diagnosed with dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder). I wasn’t much surprised, I felt like it since I was 25. I've tried to rebuild my life multiple times, but it’s useless. It’s who I am now, broken and defective for life. I’ve accepted it. The numbness that accompanies my depressive episodes is suffocating, leaving me feeling disconnected from the world and unable to fully engage with my own emotions. I am constantly tired, both physically and emotionally, as though I am merely going through the motions of life without any real purpose or passion. I haven't talked about it with anyone, really. My therapist only talks about how not to make my chronic depression resistant to treatment. He angered me so much when he said I’d been living with PDD for so long I should barely notice it. He worded it in such a way as if it were just a minor inconvenience. Yeah, sure, I can brush my teeth and I still eat, so why not call it manageable? I don’t even know why it angers me so. Taking antidepressants for four years made me seem like a normal person, guess I should be grateful for that? But I don’t feel like it. I’m a walking corpse. Even on the rare days when I feel alive and almost happy, it always comes crashing down on me. I’ve lost interest in things that I loved (such as playing chess and languages). My brain can’t take more than fifteen minutes of pleasure. It defaults back to sadness and questioning my life. Doesn’t last at all. No one knows how I’m struggling internally. Most people won’t understand how truly awful it is to live every day like this, not being able to be happy but not miserable enough to matter. I just tolerate it every day until I go to sleep. Feels like I’m perishing in a slow, consistent, and agonizing manner. It’s so much worse than “normal depression”.