A lot of people fail to understand just how serious I am when I say a person has ONE time to say or do something that makes me question our connection and they’re DONE. Because I value honesty, respect, integrity and communication in all of my relationships — friendship or otherwise — I am incredibly transparent about what I will and won’t tolerate. I assert boundaries and expect for them to be respected the same way I intend to respect and adhere boundaries set with me.
I’m not going to yell, curse or antagonise someone for their inability to meet my expectations. With me actively practicing radical acceptance, I’m going to reflect and react accordingly. Are you someone who thrives off chaos and craves the familiarity of toxic relationships? Okay, I’m disassociating and wish you healing from afar. You prefer shallow conversations and unfulfilling relationships? Couldn’t be me but more power to you, let me just remove myself.
I refuse to entertain anything that doesn’t contribute to my success or happiness. I’m breaking cycles, re-parenting myself and continuously giving back to community. I’ve had my handful of unhealthy relationships and trauma bonds, I want nothing but peace, stability and love surrounding me. I understand everybody’s effort looks different and that it’s a start, but effort is no longer enough for me. I’m exhausted from being the only person proactively bettering themselves in every friendship or romantic partnership had.
I respect each person’s journey but I respect myself, time and wants more than anything and don’t sacrifice it for anyone anymore. This year will be a continuation of last with pursuing things that feel good to me and remaining selective about who gets my time and energy. I’ve created a healthy method that works for me and will continue to use it. 2025 will be my year of finding love, safety and security and I’ll ensure it.
Standing ovation from me!! Honestly, that's such a great way too lok at things and it's the healthiest way honestly! Life's too precious to settle for anything less than extraordinary connections. The bravest thing we can do is choose ourselves, even when it means walking away. The right people will understand and respect your boundaries without explanation. Those who don't simply aren't meant for your path
I try to maintain my boundaries, but it's not always easy, where do you find inspiration for maintaining such clear boundaries?
@Jennifer_Garcia Finding the right people is a lot easier said than done. I’m 2 almost 3 years into my journey of establishing and asserting boundaries but am yet to find others willing to respect them. It sucks but that’s okay because good things take time as they say and I surely do believe it.
However my “inspiration” is self respect and past experiences. Every time I’ve attempted to be flexible or accommodating with my boundaries, it’s ALWAYS resulted in people disrespecting me. Recalling how bad it felt to be taken advantage of, if at any point I consider giving someone the benefit of the doubt I think of previous events.
I also have a vetting method to weed out genuine people. What I’ll do is disclose a FAKE trigger to see if the person (or people) will attempt to emotionally activate me. If not, then they’re “safe” for the time being, if they DO attempt to activate it but in a way that allows plausible deniability then I immediately disassociate with them. I can’t say I enjoy doing it but it’s saved me a lot of time and stress of having to reflect if someone unintentionally disrespected me or if it was deliberate.
However I’d like to disclose what works for me might not work for you or the next person so if possible, take some time to sit down and think about what your personal boundaries would look like and try practicing with trusted friends or loved ones in scripted conversations how you’d like establishing them to be, and practice setting consequences for when those boundaries are violated.
Wishing you the best in your endeavours!
@Mitchel Ooh, I really like your idea about practicing with trusted friends first, that's such a smart way to build confidence. I've always been more of a "give people chances" kind of person, but I can see how that's gotten me hurt before. It is very hard to find people who truly respect boundaries. I've had friends who say they understand but then keep pushing and pushing. It's so exhausting! I think that's why I really connected with what you said about self-respect being your inspiration. I need to remember that more often
I think I'm going to try your suggestion about sitting down and really thinking about what my personal boundaries look like. I've never actually written them down, which probably explains why they're so fuzzy sometimes! Maybe I'll start with just one or two clear ones and build from there
Thanks again! Hoping we both find more people who understand and respect boundaries in 2025!
Well said. Boundaries are the foundation of self-respect. When we honor ourselves, the others mirror that respect back to us
@Cynthia 110%! I do my best to ensure I’m not disrespecting people but when I’m not given that same courtesy I’m simply going to remove myself. I’m not dirtying up my hands, spirit or aura to sink to another’s level.
I can feel it sm. Recently ended a 5-year friendship because he couldn't respect basic boundaries. The peace I've found since then is unmatched. Learning to prioritize my well-being changed everything. Started therapy last year, and it opened my eyes to patterns I was blind to before. That's when I started to notice the first signs that my partner wasn't that great after all, and that he was one of the reasons I was constantly exhausted. Setting boundaries isn't just about saying no, it's about creating space for genuine connections. You just reminded me why I started all of this
@brothermcneil177 It takes a lot of courage to recognise someone (or something) isn’t good for you and to actively make the decision to separate yourself, I’m proud of you! I’m also happy to hear that therapy has been eye-opening and helping you discern what is and isn’t good for you, keep up the awesome working.
I couldn’t agree more with what you said about boundaries and hope that with the changes you’re making, people who do have your best interest make way to your life! 🙏🏾
@Mitchel thank you! I'll def continue my therapy through 2025. It's been such a blessing to finally be connected with myself on a level I never knew was possible, and the most fascinating thing for me was finding out that I knew subconsciously about all of this things, but just didn't acknowledged them at all
I love LOVE DBT and radical acceptance particularly. I've always struggled with feeling guilty about stepping back from relationships, even when they weren't healthy, and when I discovered that, it felt so freeing. I'm still not perfect at it, but for the past couple of months it's been better when ever and I couldn't be happier
@Crystall DBT has been a lifesaver for me as someone who also struggled with feeling guilty for putting themselves first, even recognising certain connections aren’t healthy. I’m still practicing REST among with radical acceptance but it’s a work in progress.
It’s a lot of work but the results will always be worth it, proud of you for taking the steps to do what’s necessary to protect your peace, sanity and energy! 🎈
@baker DBT is a form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that allows anyone practicing to not only develop better coping mechanisms but an alternative approach to assessing conflict whereas radical acceptance is the process of adjusting your perspective toward others and situations.
The two are similar in the aspect of encouraging evaluation of situations and coping except radical acceptance is more so from a less judgemental lens. It’s acknowledging an issue, not faulting yourself or others for any conflict and being able to arrive at a conclusion that feels good for you.
Hope I explained it in a way that makes sense. 😅
@Crystall hey Crystall! I've never heard about DBT and radical acceptance before this post and your comment. A quick google search explained it a little but I would love to hear more about how it helps you personally. Is it like a self-help method? Does it make it easier to deal with tough situations? I'm really curious because I often find myself stuck in relationships that don't make me happy anymore, but I keep trying to fix them. It's draining. Would love to hear more about it but it's totally okay if you don't wanna get into it!
@Mitchel Thank you! ❤️ Yeah, I still have those moments where I want to help everyone and fix their problems, but I take step back now. I've been working on saying no more often and not feeling bad about it. The hardest part for me is when friends are going through tough times and I want to be there 24/7 available, but now I know that only they can fix their problems, not me
@baker Hi! Mitchel already explained it wonderfully, I'll just add that you should really get into it. It really has been a game-changer for me. Now I can see situations more clearly and make decisions that are better for my mental health and not someone else's convenience. It's helped me save so much emotional energy that I used to waste on people who weren't putting in the same effort. The biggest part for me is also realizing that I am the master of my own life, not anyone else's. I can't fix them if they don't want to change
Your post perfectly articulates what I've been doing. The clarity about boundaries, the understanding that everyone's journey is different, yet maintaining your own standards—it's exactly what healthy relationship dynamics should look like. I used to think I was being too harsh by having strict boundaries, but now I see it's just self-respect and me being the realest me. If people don't like the real me, then what the hell they are doing here? 😂 Handling those who thrive on chaos without engaging in drama yourself is a skill in itself
I'm so glad you've found that perfect balance between compassion and self-preservation. I, too, am learning to say no to energy draining relationships. The peace that comes when you choose your social circle wisely is unparalleled
@AngelaB I wish I could pin your comment, yes to everything you said! I’m going to be alone for the next 4-7 years but I’m continually making peace with that. Holding space with myself over drama any day!
I respect this so much. Silence is the most powerful response. Don't let anyone mess with your energy!
The current shift in how people approach relationships is crazy to me. It's nice to see someone prioritize their mental well being and personal growth. The world needs more people who understand the value of authentic connections. People are so easily rude these days. I can't count how many relationships I've left behind, bc a person was either rude, or just didn't understand simple boundaries. Keep nurturing your spirit and protecting your peace no matter what 🌱
@Ray Douglas same here, so tired of making excuses for people who can't even consider thinking before talking. So many rude things said so casually...
@Ray Douglas exactly this! And you know what's even worse? The way people try to gaslight you when you call them out on their behavior. Suddenly they're the sensitive one for not wanting to be disrespected?....
These are often the same people who can't handle even the slightest criticism themselves, yet they expect everyone else to be their emotional punching bag. The double standards are honestly mind-blowing. Your mental health really does improve when you stop making excuses for people who don't even try to be kind
@Ray Douglas you're so right. I feel like the more a person is secure with themselves, the more they do not care about gossiping and putting others down. Why do it? This is such a stupid and harmful not only for the people they're gossiping about/the people they're insulting, but for themselves. They are first and foremost hurting themselves by telling everyone how much they hate themselves lol. What self-confident person would do such a thing?
Edit: I hope you don't pay attention to people like that anymore!
@murphyangela364 that sucks that we have to face this people! I've had to distance myself from several long-term friendships because the constant negativity and thoughtless remarks became too draining to manage. It's fascinating to me how some people can't grasp the concept that words have weight and consequences. The amount of emotional labor required to constantly educate others about basic decency is exhausting. So yeah, protecting my energy no matter what is my motto
@murphyangela364 oooh the gaslighting!! It's incredible how quickly people turn the tables when you set boundaries or express discomfort with their behavior. I've noticed a concerning pattern where genuine sensitivity is viewed as weakness rather than strength. People who are secure in themselves don't feel the need to tear others down or disguise their insecurities as straightforwardness. Unfortunately, many people are still like this