Your friend is selfish, and at her age she won’t change. So either you learn to defend your interests or you’ll have to tolerate her behavior for the rest of your life (or until your friend needs you). I would never allow my friends to yell at me. And if you don’t respect your time, then no one will. Basically, in this situation, you should work on your own self-esteem. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not the only one you’ll meet who acts this way. You’d better be prepared.
We teach others how to treat us through boundaries. So when you silently accept your friend’s criticism, you signal to her that you can be treated like that. What you should do instead is explain every time she hurts your feelings. And practice saying no more often, it’s a skill you’ll need in your personal and professional relationships all the time.
frankly, I’d run from such a friend… and I wouldn’t go away silently. people like her need to get a lesson. you know all the same people she does, if she lies about you in revenge, it’ll be her word against yours. be more confident in yourself.
What do you mean, your friend doesn’t know she’s abusing you? It sounds like you’re forgiving her, just because she is so cool, it gives her right to act that way? I would be very angry!
@Nakashima I'm not angry at her. I want to end this relationship on a friendly note. We’ve had our ups and downs, we have many good memories. I don’t mean it to sound like she was horrible to me. We are just different.
I wonder why the opinions of others worry you so much. You are a hostage of good reputation. No matter how hard you try, people will judge you anyway. They may do it in the open or behind your back. So what if you say what you want, and that girl posts something mean about it? She’ll only help you weed out your enemies.
In my experience, the least dramatic way to end a friendship is to go off the radar. People are not stupid, they don’t need to be told you don’t want to communicate with them. They’ll notice that you don’t answer them, don’t read their messages, and they’ll draw their own conclusions. That way, you’ll save your mental health and avoid difficult conversations...
If your friend is always thinking only about herself, it’s time to part ways. You’ll lose yourself trying to be a good friend to such a person. Put her on ignore list, or, if that’s not too subtle, invent a super busy period in your life and be out of reach all the time. Cheers, you're on the right path.
@random coffee I thought about it, but I can’t just ghost her. She’ll send me messages, she can reach out to me through our common friends. It’s such a stupid situation I’m in. I get panic attacks just when I think what I should say to her.
A true friendship is based on empathy and mutual respect. If you’re constantly giving and never receiving, it’s not a friendship, you’re being used. Being aware is the first step. I understand it’s not easy because your friendship has lasted for many years. But people drift apart all the time, it’s the cycle of life. It’s your time to say goodbye. You don’t need to do it literally. All you need is let yourself put your interests first.
Hi
Your feelings are precious. You deserve healthy, fulfilling relationships that don't leave you feeling fearful, anxious, powerless. Friends are a source of positivity and emotional support near whom we dont have to pretend and can be our raw self.
if your friends is not aware or receptive to your behaviour then give it a break for some time. A break may help you gain perspective on the next steps you would like to take. If you want to walk away quietly then just sit down and think in all angles how you can do it. Prior to that :
write down during this break what do you need in friend. how this friends of yours has those traits or doesn't.
write down in detail with situations where you feel your friend was emotionally abusing you so after a break if you later can talk about these concerns to your friend. while your friend might get defensive or angry at you just think is it worth a try. if you feel very strong for this friendship then give it a try but if you feel no then it is a choice you make.
emotionally abusive relationship are isolating. during the break reach out to your family members or someone else whom you can depend on if you are calling it quits. start to build your supportive network and can give you time away from your friend.
slowly reduce your interaction with your friend and then gradually put a full stop so this will happen quietly. your friend may think you are busy and would stop contacting you eventually. Even if something is put on social media do know that people who know you well will not care and people whom you don't know judge you that should not bother you. put yourself first than the others and their opinion. As opinions would change always.
It seems that the friendship is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety, especially with the pressure to meet your friend's unreasonable demands and the fear of being laughed at by your mutual friends.
It's crucial to remember to stand up for yourself and prioritize your own needs. However, as you mentioned, the fear of her posting something about you complicates the situation.
I recommend asking yourself exactly what you're afraid of. What is the worst thing that can happen if you say "no" to her or end this friendship? Imagine the most catastrophic scenario, including her making that post and your mutual acquaintances seeing it. What happens afterward? What scares you about it? Is it the fear of losing other friends or being perceived differently? Consider how long the discomfort would actually last. Then, think about what you can do in this situation to make it easier for yourself. Perhaps, you can talk to someone you trust and get support from them, explain the situation to your mutual friends yourself, or take a break from social media.
This will help you understand the reasons behind your fear, alleviate anxiety, and have a plan beforehand. Now, ask yourself how you would feel a year from now if everything stays the same. Compare that to how you would feel if you start defending your boundaries or walk away. Consider which scenario you prefer.
There are some assertive ways to communicate and say "no" if you choose the latter:
- Use assertive phrases like "I don't want to be treated this way" or "Friends don't treat each other this way."
- Calmly and firmly explain why her behavior is unpleasant for you and clarify how exactly you want to be treated as a friend.
- Start sentences with a clear "no" when expressing something you don't want.
- Use assertive body language when talking to your friend: stand tall, keep your shoulders back, and your head up. If you feel uneasy, try taking a few deep breaths— for example, taking an inhale through your nose, counting down from 5 and exhaling through your mouth counting up to 8.
It might be hard ar first but remember that stating our boundaries clearly helps prevent emotional abuse. If the person continues to cross your boundaries, consider slowly reducing contact by consistently saying "no" to her requests.
If you find it challenging to end this relationship on your own, consider seeking support from a counselor or a trusted friend to help you navigate this transition.