Hi I'm feeling depressed so much mein itni jyada pareshan hu ki mujhe samajh nhi aa rha kya kru I have a boyfriend or Mein use pichle 8 saal se janti hu or hum dono ko 2 saal ho gya h relationship main aaye hue relationship ke starting main 1 saal bhot acha tha humari baat 1-2 din baad hoti thi kyonki wo us time job krta tha to time nhi milta tha pr wo time nikalta tha 5 min hi shi or baat krta tha pr abhi issi saal se hum dono ke bich kuch thik nhi chal rha h ek to wo mere se baat nhi krta jaldi or reply nhi krta mein to bhi samjhti hu ki kaam ka family presure uske Ghar main kuch thoda bhot chalta rehta h mein usse itna pyar krti hu ki mein bta nhi skti or usse meri feelings ka pura pta h ki mein uske liye kya sochti hu but ab thodi si bhi ladai hoti h to gusse main basr baar bol deta khatam kr lo mein jese tese usko bol ke rok leti hu wo saaf kehta h ki ab mere andar koi dard koi pyar or koi feelings nhi h kisi ke liye or mujhe ye samajh nhi aata ki aesa kya ho gya h ki mere jane se bhi use koi fark nhi pad rha h wo pehle bilkul aesa nhi tha or ab mein use samjha ke thak gyi hu mein usse kuch bhi clear puchti hu to wo meri baato ka bhot ghuma ghuma ke jawab deta h breakup Krna 1 sec main bhot aasan h pr mere ye chiz hogi nhi kyonki ek insan ko pichle 8 saal se chahna or 1 min main uske sath sab khatam kr kese bhool jau agar wo mujhe chod dega to meri halt kya hogi mujhe pta h mein already ek overthinkar hu or ab bhot jyada darti hu is chiz se mein ek dam sadme main hu or mere iske releted ajeeb se sapne aate h mein sach main usse bhot jyada pyar krti hu please koi advice de jisse mein hum dono ke bich sab thik kr sku wo future ko le kr itna ajeeb ho gya h ki wo bs yhi nolta h ki mujhe apna career chahiye or bhot Sara pesa kma sku bs mujhe or kuch nhi chahiye ek baar shaadi ki baat ho gyi to usne kha ki mein shaadi to apne Ghar walo ki marzi se karunga or agar tumhara liye mene baat bhi ki to wo syd Mane bhi na wo hum dono ke future ko le kr sour nhi h jab ki jab hum dono ka relationship start hone wala tha to hi mene use bol Diya ki mein serious relationship chahti hu mere sath time paas mt Krna or usne kha bhi ki haa pr ab situation aesi j ki kya kru kuch samajh nhi aa rha please help me please hath jod rhi hu nhi to mein sach main mar jaungi uske Bina kya hoga Mera mein khud nhi janti please help

THIS MUST SEEM TOO LONG TO READ AND WILL UNDERSTAND IF ANYONE DON'T WANT TO READ IT BUT I THOUGHT OF SHARING IT. IF YOU READ TILL END THEN I AM ALREADY VERY THANKFUL TO YOU.

I don't know if I am making any progress in life, is it going to make things in my life better or just trying (like a missile with no guidance system) which won't have any good end result. Like is it all just an illusion that I am trying to achieve goals in life and will achieve something which I want to in the end but the end result will be zero (0) because I am not able to do it properly or I am just not able to (or not upto the mark at this stage of my life).

To make things clear, I am 27 years old. Computer Science Engineer with no proper (coding) skills to secure a good job in any company. So basically I have been jobless since I passed out from college which was in 2018. It is not like that all the B.tech graduates in India have good proper skills (right after college) to secure at least a freshers job after passing from college. Even after 2-3 years of passing out there are a lot of options. After 3-4 years of passing out and not having work experience is when the need to acquire good skills is required.

Now, how I got into this situation is by MY OWN DECISIONS. I will make this short as I don't want to explain more than what is required to get to know my situation.

I loved a girl from high school truly and madly. Actually we both loved each other. But I loved her more than she or I would have ever thought of. We broke up after 3.5 years of relationship. Then all in my mind left was just her (like everything about her only) and god knows I cried a lot and even tried a lot to get myself move on in life and make myself successful because breakups happen to almost everyone. But I failed miserably in it and also in my high school board exams too. In the meantime she went through a lot too but she was always smart, mature and she moved on. She went to another city, made friends and also kept in mind about career growth. She also went into relationships (some worked some didn't but now she is in a filmy kind of relationship which means she is like in a dream love affair and will get married soon too). But all these times we kept talking and chatting (as a friend) whenever we got time (meaning whenever she got time because I was always there for her everything from texts to calls like everything). And all those times I just acted that I am okay because I was happy that she is doing good in her life and I always just kept my feelings to myself. But I was in deep pain. Even when I got the chance to get into new relationships I just was not up for it.

Reality was after I lost her I lost everything in my life (except thank god not my family). I started drinking hard, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed and then hard drugs because these things used to give me escape from the reality in which I was living now. I know I should have faced reality head on but I was emotionally too drained and invested in her. I always used to wait a year when she would come back home from college and we used to meet (like 1-2 times max 3 times). And I would just listen to her looking at her (like how a child looks at the toy he/she wants from a toy shop). I never told her what I felt all those times and what it was like meeting her after a year of hoping to meet her. And the tears of mine when she used to leave I remember them so vividly that I can't forget them. This was the only thing which kept me going. That feeling of hope that I will meet her again.

Then sh*t and life both happened and I was left with nothing. Only her memories were and are by my side now. And will always be (no one can take this from me).

Now more hard drugs, drinking and everything happened and my career was down in the gutter. When I used to get sober everyday or every other day dreams of her used to pay me a visit everytime I tried to sleep. Even sleep was like a luxury to me. And feeling depressed was normal. Then relapses of addiction happened again and again.

Right now, I am completely sober for a few months and I still have dreams about her (to remind you yeah even after 13 fuc***g years). That love of mine has changed me completely (I won't be able to explain more about it but for an instance now I don't even laugh properly).

But now I want to be successful in my life. All those things which I turned down because I was not alright I want it now. It will be the only thing which will bring joy into my life because after hitting rock bottom and getting back up takes a lot of courage, strength, dedication and hard work and if I will be able to get back up then in my eyes I will gain my respect again.

I am trying to get certifications so that I can be able to fulfill the career gap which I am having. But the thing is I am not what I used to be. I am not what others in my batch are. I am not able to learn fast. Or if I am able to learn fast I am not able to practice properly to have a grip on the topic or language. I make plans but I fail in fulfilling them. And I wake up everyday feeling depressed because of lots of things (like how my peers have achieved so much till now and where I am now, also about her of course etc). I am angry both at her and myself too. I am angry and I am in a lot of pain too. I feel a range of emotions. I have self doubt. Also recovering from years of drug abuse and it will take time. But somehow I just feel am I not enough anymore or was I ever?

I don't have that confidence left in me. I am trying but I am not even sure if it is going to help or not.

A lot is happening and has happened. I can't even write my feelings, my emotions, my stories (it's overwhelming and too much) but I want it all to end because now I am too fed up. I can't take it anymore. I have to get something which will make me feel I am not a loser (I have been but don't want to be anymore). I know I have been a complete idiot, stupid or whatever you think of me. Also if you felt too much trouble to understand what I tried to express then no worries because I know I am not good at expressing my thoughts, feelings or even articulating words. I am just a loser, a total wreck who is just trying to get back up. Bear with me.  

I am 29 (F) and a working woman and my boyfriend is 31 and a job holder.We got to know each other during the pandemic through facebook.It’s been 3 years already and our relationship is like almost 2 and half years.Everything was fine and normal till this February but things started to change which i can't accept anymore.As a Bangladeshi woman I am having pressure from my family to get married as I am 29 now.I tried to talk about it with him and every single time he avoids this.It makes me upset and anxious. And things between us are getting abnormal from this June!!!! He told me i have disgusting personality(I have anger issues). It made me very very sad and i was upset.From that day i didn’t talk to him for 12 days and he didn’t call me, text me either. After 12 days I knocked him first to know why he did this to me and he didn’t reply.So I became furious and said too much absurd thing like he never loved me, he just passed his time with me, he may have another relationship and so on because I have my reason to say those.He never ever said I LOVE YOU if i say or text he just responds that! And another thing he never wants to tell about our relationship to others not even to his friends.So I think He doesn’t want me and it’s making me crazy.I don't know what to do or how to seek help. I just can't stand this situation.

My boyfriend went on a trip for two days with his group of best friends. Later when he sent their group photo I got really furious seeing his ex girlfriend in this photo. However, I scolded and called his mother to say this. However, when I said mother that I needed space she got furious as well. Now the whol family doesn’t like me. But I called his mother and apologized.

My boyfriend was ok but now it’s worse. However, now my boyfriend is really cold, not calling me, no interesting conversations not even saying babe. What should I do? I’m going through a hard time balancing my final semester of the bachelor’s degree.

I don’t know what to do..