Post
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newfinch89
1y ago

Feeling extremely sad this second time

Hey everyone, before you criticize me, I’d like to say I don’t want anyone to escape depression the way I did. I feel like crap, and I don’t even know why. I thought I had found the answer. My friend read about it on the dark web, that it can fix some mental issues. I’ve been having serious family problems, and I’ve had depression pretty much forever. When he brought acid tabs, I didn’t doubt for a second. The first time I tried microdosing, it was amazing and euphoric!! Was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt comforted and safe, with no anxiety, no worries. Like a warm hug for my mind. For the first time in a long time, I felt some relief from the darkness that had been consuming me. But now I’ve tried it again, twice the dose this time. And it was super weird and scary. The acid only magnified my fears and made my current depressive episode much worse. I lay in bed for seven hours, trying to get rid of hysteria and extreme self-loathing, my thoughts just kept going and going. I couldn’t think clearly. I was glad when the worst part was finally over. I feel completely exhausted. What has gone wrong? Is it about the dose, does it matter so much? I’ve read that it’s not addictive. Not like any hard drugs. My friend assured me it’ll send me on a trip of self-exploration and give me a clearer vision of what to do next. It wasn’t like that the first time, but it was a pleasant feeling. This second time was very sad. It’s inexplicable. Unless it means I somehow got physically addicted to acid the first time so that it doesn’t help me anymore? I don't know what to do now. The one thing that I thought was helping me has turned against me, and I feel trapped and even more broken than before. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, but I can't keep living like this. I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay when it's not. I just want to feel like myself again. I was promised some relief. Why did it not work the second time?

Specialist answer
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

When small dose is taken it produces mild change in perception, mood and thought but when taken in large dose it may produce visual hallucinations, distortions of space and time.This lead to panic, scary feeling. Generally it's never advisable to take this on your own as it may worsen health problems. Therapist would be the right person to reach to for your depression and he/she would suggest medicine and dosage based on your history of depression. Taking this acid tab doesn't have any physical dependence but there are report of reports of psychological dependence. after 3-4 days things would get back to normal once you have stopped using it. Just reach a therapist who can help you in analysing the root cause of problem through talk therapy and medication if required.

po
poltergeist--12
1y

Any drug can temporarily lessen your depression, but it’s only an illusion. Most short-term fixes will only make it more unbearable. No drug can replace meaningful inner work. You can come out of this, I promise. You have more power over your life than you think. Is therapy an accessible / affordable option for you?

dk
dknightghost
1y

Drug tolerance builds rather quickly in some cases, but no one will tell you for sure why you had such an experience. Brain chemistry is a mystery. As for your current state, you’ll be as good as new in no time, only eat properly and stay hydrated. Once the drug is out of your system, the extreme sadness will go away as well. However, you need to take a break from substances and focus on treating your chronic depression. If you believe that going the medication route will be more helpful, consider visiting a psychiatrist. They’ll prescribe you the usual mix of SSRIs, maybe a sedative or something else. I can assure you that these measures will bring you the relief you’re looking for.

ma
mattbrooks
1y

Well first thing is don’t be so hard on yourself. You are not a burden and these feelings won’t last forever. You just took a drug that used up a lot of energy in your brain and overstimulated it, on top of everything else that’s been going on. Take one step at a time. That weight will start to fall off once you use the proper support system. The research of psychedelics on depression is still very inconclusive, so you shouldn’t try it again. Speak to your GP and ask for an antidepressant. You'll be surprised how much it helps. Wishing you the best!

NE
NEINhubz
1y

I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve pulled myself out of it, at least partially. Don’t self-medicate, it’s always a dead end. You should talk to a therapist if you can. In the meantime, try to keep yourself active. A small hobby, some exercising, and lots of sleep. I know it’s tough, but you need to keep going.

Ka
Katt3rmune
1y

Your friend is not a very good friend, if they allow you to experiment with such things on your own. I’m not criticizing, it just angers me that people only make things worse. Trust me, there are other, better options. I don’t know what family issues you’re referring to. If asking their support is out of the question, I’d recommend you to find a support group and deal with your depression in the usual, medically proven ways.

ch
cheeky
1y

I highly recommend talking to your care provider about it. No stimulants can fix the underlying problems, and it doesn’t matter whether they are addictive or not. The world can be a scary place, but you must not go down without a fight.

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