hi everyone, i'm new here and i really need some advice. i'm f, 18-year-old nd i've been struggling with some stuff from my past. i don't know where else to turn, so i thought i'd try here. when i was little, my parents fought a lot. they would yell and throw things. sometimes i had to hide in my closet to feel safe. i remember feeling so scared and alone. as i got older, things got a bit better, but the memories still haunt me. i have nightmares sometimes and i get really anxious when people raise their voices. i've never really talked about this with anyone before. i guess what i'm asking is, how do you deal with childhood trauma? does it ever get better? i feel like i'm stuck. i recently had a fight with my bf and it brought it all back. is it normal to still be affected by things that happened years ago?

I'm feeling stressed there is lot of things are in my mind every day small small things hurts mee due to which i do overthinking all time I don't have good relationship with my parents specially with my father . I trust everyone very quickly and do anything they said even if anybody stop talking with mee I feel vry alone and start panic I am doing graduation yet and there is no source of income know for mee due to which I can't full fill that what I want my parents full fill my basic needs only not more than that I can expect form them bcz they also have enough money I can't handle the situation which is happened the thing is I feel to much due to which i harm myself I can't handle small small situations I feel so lonely so low so alone upset depressed panic what ever happen in my life harm my health also things related to my parents everyone who is close to my heart I feel to much when they not behave good with mee .and my parents always compared mee with my cousins and other childrens who is form poor family but achieve something in life they said mee we do everything for you but you are not that type of child which we wished 😭 it's hurts mee when ever I take permission for anything they said directly no always and on small small things they stop talking with mee as a punishment.its hurting mee in the same house my parents no talking to mee totally ignoring mee I can't handle this situation .if I do a big mistake then if they punish mee I can understand but on small things like if they said mee to do something and i done that work little bit late they stop taking which is vry silly things they only treat mee like they only punish mee not my siblings I can't understand why it is so plz help mee what I do tell Mee due to these things i losing my focus, hopes ,trust from everything I feel irritated vry quickly due to these things

I apologize if I’m not using this for the right purpose. I’m so desperate 😞

My second therapist dumped me this morning, saying something completely rubbish about not being able to help me. Am I such a bad person to work with? Is my diagnosis so rare or horrible? I’ve been diagnosed with an unspecified dissociative disorder. Later on, my second therapist, who now dumped me, called it dissociative identity disorder (DID). It’s been very stressful to live with it for the last fifteen years. For anyone who doesn’t know what it is, it feels like having different people inside of me, each taking over when I can't handle certain emotions. There's the Childlike version of myself that emerges when I'm feeling shy or vulnerable. As if I regress to a younger, more innocent version of myself. It reflects the part of me that was deeply affected by the traumatic events of my childhood. Then there's Misery, who shows up when I'm upset or sad. This part of me feels like inner paralysis, lacking emotions and making me feel numb. Lastly, there's Mania – that’s how my second therapist called it. I used to call it Party Person. It appears when I'm feeling extremely high-spirited and carefree. This version of me is wild, wearing clothes I wouldn't normally choose, indulging in excessive drinking and smoking, and sometimes doing things I wouldn't do otherwise. When a different personality takes over, I completely black out, and I have no memory of what happens when one of my other identities manifests itself. I’m almost totally losing control of my own self. This used to be very frightening and disorienting, especially when I "came back" and realized that I'd switched to a different identity without any recollection. Over time, through therapy with my first doc, I’ve learned to control the manifestations of my different personalities to some degree. I can recognize the signs of an impending switch and get prepared for it. It’s being hard to accept myself like this, but I’ve learned to coexist with all the other identities. I largely attribute my success in coping with this to my therapy, and I’m devastated that I need to search for another therapist *again*! Is it typical for therapists to say they can do nothing for you? It reinforces my feeling of being a bother to everyone... I’ve actually cried this whole day...

Hello. I’m a new member here and felt like venting lately, but unfortunately I have no one to talk to, no friends and family to speak out this stuff to. So… I’m hoping I can speak out my thoughts to strangers rather than tell anyone else in my life about my struggles. I feel they have enough on their minds to listen to my thoughts.

Lately I’ve been feeling really lonely and I’ve come to a realization that I’ve fucked up my life more than I want to admit. Things have been hard and I understand that every human being in this world has struggled at one point in their lives.

For context, I have had no one to talk to for atleast 5 years. Or rather, I had no friends and no social support at all. I had a family that talked to me about regular occurrences but other than that, I never told anyone anything that was on my mind or the troubles I felt. I was also diagnosed with persistent deppressive disorder, though I never really went through with my therapy and my mother refused to let me continue my medication. I was a shut in and isolated myself at home, though admittedly the pandemic made things even harder for me.

I’m also a loner and I hated school. And ever since quarantine stopped, I found myself going back to school face to face. I felt horrible about myself especially since I was the only one there without a friend. I sat at lunch alone and kept quiet most times. Unless I was needed, I rarely talked to my classmates. I realized now just how much harder being so isolated and being a social outcast is. I did everything alone and I wanted to stay that way. Whenever group projects and presentations came, I purposefully cut classes causing my grades to drop. I don’t even know if I could graduate at this point.

I kept thinking about killing myself most days. I feel so alone, like all this things I’m feeling is completely irrational and that nobody could ever understand me. Many times, I wonder if I’m merely overreacting. My family never really liked talking about mental disorders, my father always insulted us whenever we cried and my mother was a workaholic, never spending enough time with her children. My father was also a gambler and a sexist. He was always distant and rarely interacted with his children so I guess that’s one of the reasons why I could never talk to him and my family about anything.

Anyway, that’s everything I had to get out of my chest. I’m sorry for the long rant.