(ok before im gonna vent i gotta say english is not my first language so if grammar or anything suck im sry! and i think im gonna use goggle translate:3)
Hai! I just discovered this app. I just wanted to find a place where I could vent and hope that someone would understand me or be like me. I often have problems. I'm a very overthinking person:3 In my group, there are trios, including me, okay? :3 Sometimes I'll have another friend come along, and I don't hate them, I just feel like I'm being ignored or something, so I have to be the one to start conversations with them:3 And sometimes I feel so bad, I'm tired, but if I don't do that, no one will talk to me. I think about them, I can't escape them, I won't have any friends anymore, so I have to be with them. They would always have these conversations that I never knew when they were happening and they never told me. I always wondered when they would talk about things I didn't know. It felt like, they have something to share except me. Sometimes other people come along, sometimes they could invite me, but they don't, and leave me waiting for someone's message to come through:3 Sometimes I walk behind them. They seem to get along really well except for me. But hey, I'm not that attention-seeking, even if I want it:3 Sometimes they have secrets they hide from me. They like to say it's none of my business, but I always wonder why I can't join, why I can't find out. Besides, whenever I message them in the group, they usually read it but don't reply like did i do smth wrong? To be honest, although many people say that I am very social and have many friends, I did it because of loneliness and being ignored:3 There was a time when a friend in my group hurt herself. I felt like I couldn't help him at all, like I was useless. That night I couldn't sleep, worrying about my friend all night. No matter how much I tried to comfort her, she's still with another friend:3 I've been feeling sad. There was a time when I cried almost all the time like a crybaby. I hated myself for that. I don't know, I had a lot of.. yeah thats thoughts.. a bad thing.. but I felt like I couldn't do it, i still have my grandma who loves me. I know that she can't live without me. You always worry about me. Every time you make a mistake, you blame yourself. I always worry about her because I can't predict her mood. She's a strong person.. i love her. However, sometimes she scares and stresses me out. I never tell her my problems because I'm afraid she'll blame herself, and I'm afraid it'll be a burden to her. I don't want anyone to get in trouble because of me. I was stressed out about school too. I was discouraged almost every time, especially with math. I tried to study hard and give my all on the exams, but the results weren't as good as I expected. I studied really hard, it was tiring, and I was tired of myself. Why am I so useless? I can't help anyone. I'm not good at studying. My skills are almost useless. Sigh... I want to kms but I can't so.. i just... yk? my skin but dw nobody sees it:3 I've never been to a psychiatrist. I'm afraid it will be a burden to my family. I don't want them to worry about trivial things. I'm ugly, but I have close friends who are...just close to two.. not included me:3 Why do I seem so attention-seeking? lol oh i forgot to tell you guys im still 14 :(
