Post
mi
micheal favour
261d ago

stuck at age 16

Uhm hello... I'm a 20year old female who recently discovered she has a trauma. Uhm okay on the day of my matriculation into college I and my friends like every other female went to get our nails and makeup done. On reaching the salon where we were supposed to get our makeup done, I received a call from my mum saying she was already in my school where the ceremony had already commenced. She said she came with my little sisters and my dad, mind you, I wasn't aware she was coming with any of them, if not I wouldn't have gone to the salon with my friends. My dad's a bit strict about makeup and all those accessories so I lied and told my mum I was not done preparing and that they should give me 20 minutes. After the call, I told the lady incharge to give me a simple and light makeup and she agreed. Halfway into the makeup my phone started ringing, it was a call from my dad. I picked it up and he yelled at me through the phone asking where I was, tensed as I was I lied again saying I was on my way before ending the call and telling the lady to round up the makeup which she did. I wore my dress and ran out taking a cab straight to school but traffic decided to hand me the short end of the stick. I was shaking in the car as my phone kept on ringing which I didn't pick up. Long story short I got to school after 30minutes or so only to meet my enraged parents and uncle glaring at me as I strolled in. No one told me my uncle was also coming. With a small smile etched on my face I got to where my parents sat only to receive a resounding slap from my dad but I kept the now crooked smile on my face as I noticed alot of people staring at me, a few of my male friends and course mate included. I greeted my uncle smiling as tears slid down my face. "You're a disappointment" my dad spat "I regret having you" he spat again and slowly the smile faded as hot tears were now streaming down my eyes lol. He immediately brought out his Handkerchief and began roughly wiping the makeup from my face. "Go and wash that rubbish off your face" he finally yelled sitting back down my family members watching In silence as I walked out to go wash my face. A few of my course mate followed me out as they helped wash the makeup off my face talk about an embarrassing but soothing effort. Anyway since then I can't attend any school ceremony. One time I was in a bus and I saw some high school students on their graduation gown smiling happily as the walked down the road and I started having an anxiety attack well it's gotten worse I can't even watch a movie where students attend prom or celebrate getting into college what should I do it's been 4 years already.

Specialist answer
Our free therapy courses to cope with trauma
Veena Choudhary
256d
Specialist

Hi,

I am sorry this has happened to you. Hitting in front of others is humiliating but i want you to think about how was his behaviour after the incident? if he showed extra love means he is guilty but if he is not then it is important you should talk to him how you felt. If you communicate with your dad and he doesn't apologise don't feel sad for that. at-least he heard you and you were able to express out your feelings. you would feel empowered as you stood up for yourself.

if you are not comfortable then write a letter but don't post it or give it to him. It is just for you to express your feelings. write down what you wanted to tell him when he slapped you, how did you feel (sense of humiliation, offended, anger). write down everything about that incident which hurts you. This innate feelings once expressed out will make you feel much lighter and you could move on. remember in both the ways of talking to him or writing a letter just for yourself you are doing it to help yourself and feel empowered that you finally expressing your heart out.

Try going to a therapist as well.

Ti
Tim clever
261d

Is kind heart warming

js
jschuppe1
261d

I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience and the ongoing impact it's had on your life. What you went through was completely uncalled for and it's understandable that it's had such a long-lasting effect on you. It sounds like you may be experiencing symptoms of PTSD (PTSD) and anxiety triggered by memories of that day. Have you talked to anyone about what you went through and how it's affected you?

le
lenorearmstrong716
261d

that’s a tough memory to carry around. but you need to find a way to move past it. you have to face it head-on and talk to someone about it that way you can heal. you can’t keep avoiding triggers; it’s only going to make things worse. maybe start with small things, like talking to a counselor. you’ve already carried this burden for too long. it’s time to start letting go. it’s not going to be easy, but it’s necessary.

of
ofeliA
261d

I feel you. You don’t even know ho much. I have a similar trauma but mine is more related to school, not so much about my parents, but my teachers. They humiliated me in front of the whole class once. It was like the worst day of my life. No one stood up for me. My classmates just watched, some even laughed. I felt so alone. I was only 15 then. Now, I'm 22 and I can't believe how fast time has flown by, but it feels like I'm still stuck in that moment. Every time I think about school, I feel a knot in my stomach.

I remember how the teacher called me out for something so small, something that wasn't even my fault. They made such a big deal out of it. I was standing there, in front of everyone, feeling so exposed. It was like my world crumbled. My heart was racing, I could hear it in my ears. I wanted to disappear, to just vanish. And my classmates? They didn't help. No one said a word to defend me. They just sat there, watching. Some whispered, some giggled. I felt betrayed. I thought some of them were my friends. But in that moment, I realized I was completely on my own.

Even thinking about it gives me anxiety. I've missed events, prom. I can't watch movies or shows that remind me of high school. It's like I'm trapped in that age, 15 forever. It's hard to believe that 7 years have passed. It feels like just yesterday. It's so frustrating. And the funny things that it doesn't seem to bother me so much anymore, but every time I remember it, I get a shiver down my spine. I wish I could give you advice, but I'm struggling too. Just know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Maybe we can find a way out of this together. Hang in there.

sc
schillerzander204
261d

I’m really sorry to hear about your experience and how it’s still affecting you. It sounds like that day was incredibly traumatic for you, and it’s understandable that it would have a lasting impact. It might help to try and focus on the present moment as much as possible. When those painful memories come up, remind yourself that you are safe now and that those events are in the past. It might also be helpful to find some activities that make you feel good and help you stay grounded. This could be anything from a hobby you enjoy, like painting or gardening, to spending time with people who make you feel safe and loved.

˶ᵔ
˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶
261d

😨 your dad said what..I'm so sorry, honey. You did not deserve that! I can't even imagine how painful and humiliating that must have been for you. It's heartbreaking to think that such a special day turned into a traumatic experience. You deserved to feel proud and celebrated, not punished and shamed. Your feelings are completely valid, and it's understandable why this has left such a deep impact on you. It's really unfair that you were put in a position where you felt you had to lie just to enjoy a normal experience with your friends. I'm here if you need anything. So sorry it happened to you..

Ry
Ryder P.
261d

@ofeliA I’m really sorry to hear what you went through, Ofelia. As a teacher, your story hits me hard. I became a teacher because I had a difficult childhood too. I remember being young and feeling lost. I decided to become a teacher to make things a bit easier for kids. I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to be the kind of teacher I wish I had. Your story shocks me. No one should feel the way you did. Teachers should help students, not hurt them. When I read your story, I feel sad and angry. A classroom should be a place where everyone feels safe. I try my best to make sure my students know they can trust me. I listen to them. I support them. If they make a mistake, I help them learn from it without shame.

Your story reminds me why I do what I do. I want to create a different experience for my students. I want them to feel valued and respected. I want them to know that someone cares. No one should go through what you went through. I hope you find some peace. It’s hard to move past such painful memories. But remember, there are people out there who understand. You are not alone. Your story will stay with me. It will remind me to be the best teacher I can be, for every student, every day.

Ry
Ryder P.
261d

Micheal, I'm truly sorry to hear about your experience. As a teacher, it pains me to know that students go through such traumatic events. Your story is heartbreaking and it brings to light the deep impact that parental actions can have on a child's mental health. No one should ever be made to feel like a disappointment, especially in such a manner. The pressure you must have felt, trying to balance your desire to look nice for your special day and the fear of your father's reaction, is unimaginable.

I can understand why you have such a strong reaction to school ceremonies now. It's completely natural to feel anxiety and fear after experiencing something so traumatic. What you went through was not your fault. You deserve to feel proud and happy during significant moments in your life without the shadow of fear hanging over you.

As someone who works with young people, I want to assure you that there are people who can help you navigate these feelings. Please know that you are valued, and there is hope for a brighter future.

Ju
Judy R.
261d

I'm so sorry you went through that experience. I have a son myself and I can't imagine my husband or I would ever say something like that to him. I'm so sorry that the person closest to you said that to you. It's tough when memories bring anxiety. You are strong for sharing your story. It's okay to take things one step at a time. Your feelings are important, and it's okay to feel the way you do. You are doing your best to move forward.

wa
wanda47155
261d

I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you. It’s like that moment is frozen in time, and you’re stuck there. I’ve had moments like that too, where something happened, and it just keeps replaying in my mind. It’s like you can’t move past it. Seeing those students in their graduation gowns must have brought everything back for you. It’s no wonder you had an anxiety attack. It’s been four years, but those feelings are still so raw. I get it.

More on this topic