I know I’m depressed I’m younger than 16 but I know I am. I hate my life I hate my face I try to impress people but every time I enter school I cry. I cry and cry and cry it’s the only thing I do. People use me. Someone I know committed suicife yesterday I feel like crap I could have helped them. I feel like I’m a bad person and this world would be better if I was gone. I can’t leave my family can I? I also don’t want to go to hell as killing yoirself is a sin. But I don’t want to be here anymore? That’s why I want to die. My anxiety my stress is too much. I laugh all the time but no one knows what’s going on? I don’t really have friends people I know like me but I struggle to talk and find that I ruin peoples moods because I’m always angry or sad. I’m probably that girl people make fun of. Some guys in my school I’ve thought about wanting to hurt them so bad. The way they hurt me I want to destroy them. But no. I’m good to the one who is bad to me. Thank you for reading

Hello. I’m a new member here and felt like venting lately, but unfortunately I have no one to talk to, no friends and family to speak out this stuff to. So… I’m hoping I can speak out my thoughts to strangers rather than tell anyone else in my life about my struggles. I feel they have enough on their minds to listen to my thoughts.

Lately I’ve been feeling really lonely and I’ve come to a realization that I’ve fucked up my life more than I want to admit. Things have been hard and I understand that every human being in this world has struggled at one point in their lives.

For context, I have had no one to talk to for atleast 5 years. Or rather, I had no friends and no social support at all. I had a family that talked to me about regular occurrences but other than that, I never told anyone anything that was on my mind or the troubles I felt. I was also diagnosed with persistent deppressive disorder, though I never really went through with my therapy and my mother refused to let me continue my medication. I was a shut in and isolated myself at home, though admittedly the pandemic made things even harder for me.

I’m also a loner and I hated school. And ever since quarantine stopped, I found myself going back to school face to face. I felt horrible about myself especially since I was the only one there without a friend. I sat at lunch alone and kept quiet most times. Unless I was needed, I rarely talked to my classmates. I realized now just how much harder being so isolated and being a social outcast is. I did everything alone and I wanted to stay that way. Whenever group projects and presentations came, I purposefully cut classes causing my grades to drop. I don’t even know if I could graduate at this point.

I kept thinking about killing myself most days. I feel so alone, like all this things I’m feeling is completely irrational and that nobody could ever understand me. Many times, I wonder if I’m merely overreacting. My family never really liked talking about mental disorders, my father always insulted us whenever we cried and my mother was a workaholic, never spending enough time with her children. My father was also a gambler and a sexist. He was always distant and rarely interacted with his children so I guess that’s one of the reasons why I could never talk to him and my family about anything.

Anyway, that’s everything I had to get out of my chest. I’m sorry for the long rant.

hello everyone. It is my first day here. I am really glad people have some platform to connect and share.

Uhm hello... I'm a 20year old female who recently discovered she has a trauma. Uhm okay on the day of my matriculation into college I and my friends like every other female went to get our nails and makeup done. On reaching the salon where we were supposed to get our makeup done, I received a call from my mum saying she was already in my school where the ceremony had already commenced. She said she came with my little sisters and my dad, mind you, I wasn't aware she was coming with any of them, if not I wouldn't have gone to the salon with my friends. My dad's a bit strict about makeup and all those accessories so I lied and told my mum I was not done preparing and that they should give me 20 minutes. After the call, I told the lady incharge to give me a simple and light makeup and she agreed. Halfway into the makeup my phone started ringing, it was a call from my dad. I picked it up and he yelled at me through the phone asking where I was, tensed as I was I lied again saying I was on my way before ending the call and telling the lady to round up the makeup which she did. I wore my dress and ran out taking a cab straight to school but traffic decided to hand me the short end of the stick. I was shaking in the car as my phone kept on ringing which I didn't pick up. Long story short I got to school after 30minutes or so only to meet my enraged parents and uncle glaring at me as I strolled in. No one told me my uncle was also coming. With a small smile etched on my face I got to where my parents sat only to receive a resounding slap from my dad but I kept the now crooked smile on my face as I noticed alot of people staring at me, a few of my male friends and course mate included. I greeted my uncle smiling as tears slid down my face. "You're a disappointment" my dad spat "I regret having you" he spat again and slowly the smile faded as hot tears were now streaming down my eyes lol. He immediately brought out his Handkerchief and began roughly wiping the makeup from my face. "Go and wash that rubbish off your face" he finally yelled sitting back down my family members watching In silence as I walked out to go wash my face. A few of my course mate followed me out as they helped wash the makeup off my face talk about an embarrassing but soothing effort. Anyway since then I can't attend any school ceremony. One time I was in a bus and I saw some high school students on their graduation gown smiling happily as the walked down the road and I started having an anxiety attack well it's gotten worse I can't even watch a movie where students attend prom or celebrate getting into college what should I do it's been 4 years already.